Design Your Life

Former Ikea Executive Shares Her Tools for Personal Success

Pernille Spiers-Lopez

• Publisher: Beyond Words
• Year: 2014
• ISBN:
  9781582705439
• Topic: Crescita personale
• Subtopic: Successo personale

Don't spend your whole life searching for the right job; make it the most important job to design the right life. Pernille Spiers-Lopez left Denmark for the United States as a young, naïve entrepreneur. Years later, she became CEO of IKEA North America and then Global HR manager for 130, 000 employees. But she soon learned—staring at the roof of the ambulance that was rushing her to the ER—that the job had a price. So this is success. I am away from my family, my children, and my life. This can't really be success... In Design Your Life, follow Pernille on her journey of personal struggle and triumph. Be with her as she climbs out of her own self-denial and darkest day. Watch her summon the focus and strength within to carve out a life by design and discover a more balanced paradigm of living, one in which success is defined not by how much money we make but by our personal leadership and commitment to ourselves and others.

Part 1

POSSIBILITIES, POTENTIAL, AND POWER

There is nothing more inspiring to me than seeing people overcome adversity by finding their power and just believing in the possibility. Not until much later in life have I become more conscious about this and been able to put words to my way of thinking and living. I might just have been born with this view. For as long as I can remember, I have felt a connection to my ability and my courage; I have done what I wanted to do and felt a very strong sense of ownership for what happens in my life. I see the glass half-full, the world full of opportunities, and all of us with unlimited potential, and I have learned to choose to see the positive in even the toughest of situations. I realize not everybody sees life that way and, for some, seeing the glass half-empty is very natural; however, it is possible to shift your perspective, your way of thinking, and discover your own possibilities, potential, and personal power.

1

POSSIBILITIES—THE ART OF SEEING THEM

Tears were slowly rolling down my cheeks. I was twenty-three, and had just boarded the flight from Copenhagen to Florida and said good-bye to my family and friends, heading for a new life and adventure in another part of the world. I was sitting all alone, listening to Randy Crawford’s “One Day I’ll Fly Away” and gazing out the window, taking one more look at my home country as we were taking off. I was overwhelmed with emotions—both excitement and sadness. Ahead of me was the land of opportunity and a very uncertain future.

The only thing I had was a newly established company in Florida, my work visa, and my Danish design products to sell. I didn’t know all the possibilities ahead of me, but I did know they were there and that I had the courage to pursue them.

Certain moments in your life define you. We don’t always see them at that time, but looking back, leaving my safe, secure, native Denmark to fly across the Atlantic to a very uncertain future was a bold move and a defining time for me.

I had teamed up with a female Danish friend, and together we created our export/import design business. My friend took the responsibility for our export business that was based in Denmark, and I was charged with the import part and getting the business up and running in the United States.

Before I left, we had spent half a year planning, securing funding, and applying for a work permit. My brother had followed in the footsteps of our great-grandparents and some of their descendants, and had moved to Florida, so that was where it all began.

Friends and family thought it was as an exciting idea and were all supportive, but I am sure they also secretly wondered if it would really work. As a naïve and stubborn twenty-three-year-old, I of course saw a few risks, but ignored them and was completely driven by the excitement of the adventure and the unknown. I focused on the possibilities and didn’t worry about everything that could go wrong.

That’s the beauty of being young and naïve. It wasn’t a straight road to success. There were lots of failures and mistakes along the way, but I created my own version of the American Dream.

MY FIRST GREAT FAILURE

When I left Denmark, I was a newly graduated journalist. In my high school years, I had discovered my love for writing, my interest in people and their stories, and a natural curiosity, which all lead me to apply for journalism school right after graduation. I wasn’t 100 percent sure I wanted it or would make it, but I thought, Why not at least apply? So I applied, and while waiting to hear, I went on to travel as a tour guide to Spain and London, and enjoyed a great life of fun, partying, and some work.

It was an exciting time for a young woman from the countryside. I had left Denmark with long, curly hair, clogs, and an ankle-length jean skirt. I soon was wearing tight red jeans, high heels, and blue eye shadow, and had pierced ears. I had my appendix removed in a Spanish hospital and fell in love for the first time; meanwhile, I had forgotten all about the pending application. Most people would probably have been thrilled. But for me it was a dark day in my post–high school, simple, fun life when my parents called me home. I had been accepted. I didn’t want to go. I hadn’t had enough time to figure out what I really wanted to do. I was taken by the carefree life I’d been living, experiencing new things and learning more about myself. For my parents though, this was a nonnegotiable, and they promised I would thank them later. (I did.)

So four years at the school of journalism started. The edu-cation system in Denmark is slightly different than in the United States’. Gymnasium there is similar to community college here, and most people take a break after graduation from gymnasium, before pursuing a professional school, like journalism, law, business, or medical school. Many of my fellow journalism students (mostly men) already had more work experience and other professional degrees; they were older and better prepared than me and certainly more motivated. Right from the beginning I doubted if this was the right thing for me. It didn’t help that when it was time to work eighteen months in real-life jobs, I got rejection after rejection, including a dream job at Columbia University, while my fellow colleagues got exciting jobs as TV, radio, or business reporters. I finally landed a job at a local newspaper, where I got to cover life in a small town of fifteen hundred people. As a dutiful Lutheran girl, I didn’t give up and I graduated with decent grades.

After graduation, the job search started all over again and so did the rejections. I didn’t land a permanent job and ended up starting as a freelancer. During my short journalism career, I had to part with my illusion of being a journalist who interviewed famous people and wrote feature articles for the Sunday paper. The reality was more covering a bakery opening in the neighborhood, local politics, and little league soccer games.

After a year, I realized that this was not what I wanted, and deep inside, I was still dreaming about exploring life outside Denmark.

As I look back, I realize it was by no mean a wasted time. The education and my short time in the field taught me some very valuable skills that I have used throughout my career and life. I learned to quickly dive into large amounts of information, get an overview, and prioritize without flinching. You get thrown into situations every day that you might not know anything about, but you have to figure them out and gather information. You have to be comfortable not knowing, be curious enough to find out, and have confidence in the process. That is the life of a journalist, of people in leadership roles, and of anybody who dares to do something new and unfamiliar. Journalism taught me the power of curiosity, the ability to see through things, and the skill to make conclusions.

So I never look back and regret my time working in journalism, but like so many others, I made the decision because I was in a hurry to follow the normal timeline. At the time, I was confused and had no idea about my real interests, passion, and values, or what I wanted to do with my life. It was only much later in life that I was forced to clarify these big and important matters for myself.

THE BIG JUMP

It sounds a little too dramatic to say that I saw the light, but leaving journalism gave me tremendous energy—it’s that sense of courage and confidence in yourself that arises when you know what you want. Suddenly, it was clear what I had to do.

I was so sure about the idea and excited about the design company that nothing was going to hold me back. So my friend and I worked hard for months to create and develop our idea, make connections with potential design companies, establish our corporations both in Denmark and the United States, solicit and secure funding, and get the necessary visas. I went to Florida to head up the import side of the business.

Although it was a quantum leap to travel to the United States and start our own business, I was confident, determined, and energized. I was comfortable with the idea that it would take time to get settled and build up the business. I was prepared for obstacles and challenges. I was thrilled. It was a whole new set of feelings, much different from the ones I’d had during my struggles as a journalist.

Now I felt the rush of something new. I felt more alive. I had made a decision, and I was on my way.

OPPORTUNITIES = IDEAS

Courage and the ability to see possibilities are, in my opinion, inextricably linked. I am convinced that we each have the ability and power to shift our thinking pattern from half-empty to half-full. During my career, I have worked with many people, who have low self-esteem, don’t realize their own capability, or don’t have the confidence to take life in their own hands. They are more comfortable sticking to the way things are. In some ways, it is more convenient and comfortable to complain for those people who have chosen to be spectators in their own lives, easier for them to say, “I am not responsible. That is life, and that is okay.”

I meet too many people who think of themselves as small and insignificant, too many who are comfortable with the status quo, too many not taking the lead in life, and too few who are daring to take steps into the unknown, willing to explore and experience new things.

I want to inspire you to think a little differently. If you want great things to happen in your life, it requires that you take responsibility and take charge.

Ever since I was a child, I have always seen possibilities in everything. I have always had lots of ideas—not always good ones—and that is still the case. If things go poorly, I think, What can I learn from this? If we look at life as a long strip of options and a learning process, we can see new opportunities showing up all the time.

Opportunities create new ideas and possible next steps. You don’t have to start with a well-defined, long-term career plan. You can begin by describing for yourself or your boss what you would like from your life or career in the near future. You will be amazed by how much you can actually make happen just by putting your wish into words. Most of us strive to live in the moment, and that becomes easier if you have an idea of and a vision for the future. Consider:

• Where are you going?
• What would you like to do?
• How do you see your future for yourself and your family?
• Where would you like to live?
• What job would you like to have? If you don’t know what you want, it is impossible to get support from people around you.

If you describe everything for yourself, it is one step closer to becoming reality. By creating this vision for your future, you preliminarily decide, in your subconscious mind, how your future will be; you set the process in motion and take the first step.

FACE REALITY

For the most part, not only do I see opportunity and find possibilities in everything, but I also tend to see the positive in people before I discover the less good. I also try to turn bad experiences into an opportunity to get something good from the experience.

That is not to say that I skate effortlessly over problems. Dealing with negative situations can be a tough process, which I learned when the initial euphoria of coming to the United States wore off.

Driving around in a car in the United States, feeling free and like the world was ahead of me had always been a big dream. The first two years, I drove sixty thousand miles in my Toyota Corolla, living the dream. I enjoyed and met all sorts of people who were happy to welcome a young, adventurous Dane.

Since I didn’t know anybody, I had to cold call numbers out of the phone book to find potential business partners. Despite the great kindness of Americans, I ran into one “no thanks” after another. Since I’m optimistic, I kept convincing myself that tomorrow would be a better day. I started to go to trade shows, getting regular customers and orders, but it still wasn’t enough.

Looking back, I could have recognized reality a lot earlier, accepted that the real potential for my business, the setup and the products themselves, was just not there. It took me a couple years before I reached a point where I had to be totally realistic and say, “This doesn’t work.” At the time, I lost confidence and energy.

Going back to Denmark didn’t even enter my mind for two reasons. I loved living in the United States and since I’d moved, my entire family had moved to the States as well.

I was out of money, energy, and confidence. I felt stuck, and the trust I had with my friend and business partner back in Denmark was at risk.

She was in Denmark feeling that I wasn’t doing enough, not generating enough sales, and I felt that she didn’t understand what I was doing and the struggles I was experiencing. We finally both agreed to close the business and liquidate our few assets. We were both disappointed, disillusioned, and frustrated with each other.

Not only did the company and our dreams collapse, but so did our friendship. It took me many years to get over both. I felt bad that I had spent the money that our family and friends had invested in us. It was a hard-won lesson on the dangers of mixing money with friends and family. It took about twenty years before my friend and I connected again. It was hard on both of us, but today we are back to our old relationship and thankful for the other.

So what went wrong? We were young and inexperienced, and pushed the problems under the carpet just hoping they would disappear. This is when being too optimistic and not grounded in reality is not good. Afterward, I couldn’t even tell myself that I should have acted differently, because I had done everything I could. It just was not enough. So I managed to move forward by simply accepting things as they were. It was a huge step and a very powerful approach that I later drew upon extensively and learned to use more consciously.

Some good things also happened during my first two years in the United States. I met a lot of people while I was driving up and down the Florida coast like crazy, and it created new possibilities in my darkest days.

I had, in fact, met a very interesting furniture entrepreneur, who had repeatedly told me to call when I had had enough of my own business and wanted a “real” job.

He was the owner and president of the furniture chain the Door Store. So I called him up and got a job as a salesperson in the flagship store in Miami, Florida.

BRAVE DECISIONS

Even when I was very close to giving up and certainly didn’t see a rainforest of possibilities, there was at least the one opportunity at the Door Store, and that’s the one I jumped on. If I had given myself time to look closer, I probably would have found many more.

It was not my dream job. But it was a stepping-stone in a new direction.

Today I can see that I did the right thing when I gave up my business and working independently. I simply had neither enough experience and knowledge, nor enough money. And our products just didn’t fit the market.

Every time a possibility arises, it is natural for me to say, “Yes, that is a good idea,” and I also expect other people to say, “Let’s do it,” and to be enthusiastic and see the possibilities. Because of this optimism and drive to make it work, accepting reality and moving on was very difficult and a huge lesson for me.

For many people, saying yes is the biggest challenge. For me, it is saying no. It is something I have also paid the price for. Always seeing opportunities and saying yes without facing reality is not good. Being blind to them and always saying no is equally wrong. Life is really about making conscious choices and, at times, challenging ourselves to do the opposite of what comes natural.

When you are faced with an important decision, it is critical that you are clear about what you want and what is good for you. Have the people around you hear you out, test your decision or idea on them if necessary, and notice if you can maintain your enthusiasm if someone reacts with skepticism. Realize that if critics can get you to change your mind, it’s probably not a good idea. The opposite is true as well; if you believe in your decision, you will not easily change your mind. After you have clarified your choice, it is important to discuss any changes and goals with your partner and family. Your plans need to fit into the life you are building with the people around you.

“Is this the right decision?” is a question that you have probably already asked yourself many times and will many more times to come. I am convinced that the important thing is not so much the decision itself but more your ability to take responsibility for the situation and take action. If you throw yourself into a new project—be it a business, marriage, or a training—with the attitude that you are your own fortune, you are on track. The important thing is that you take ownership for what happens in your life.

Realizing that you need to take full ownership for your life is the most important step, and can be the most intimidating one, when designing the life you want to live. You become more visible and vulnerable. As soon as you really take responsibility, you can no longer sit in the audience of your own life and be critical of everything that’s happening onstage.

I love the many conversations with coworkers, managers, and colleagues about next steps. Most often the conversation starts with “What does the company have in mind for me?” or “What do you think I should do next?” I always respond with a question right back: “It is not about what the company has in mind for you. What do you want, and what are you ready to go after?”

In my personal life, I know I can be annoying to my sisters and girlf...

Table of contents

• Praise
• Dedication
• Career Timeline
• Foreword
• Introduction
• Part 1: Possibilities, Potential, and Power
• 1. Possibilities—The Art of Seeing Them
• 2. Potential—Yours Is Unlimited
• 3. Power—How I Found Mine
• Part 2: Your Own Journey
• 4. Drop the List of Shoulds and Explore Your Own Path
• 5. The Powerful Compass
• 6. Values—The Most Important Tool
• 7. Find Your Authentic Self
• Part 3: Embracing and Celebrating Imperfection
• 8. Facing the Challenges
• 9. Letting Go of Illusions and Facing Reality
• 10. Forget About Work-Life Balance
• Part 4: The Power of Networking and Mentoring
• 11. Men—Eyes Wide Open
• 12. Network—We All Need Connections
• 13. Mentoring—Lessons in the Art of Living
• Part 5: My Journey Continues
• 14. At a Crossroads
• 15. Powerful Positions—Redefined Success and Strength
• 16. Coming Up for Air
• Epilogue: Life Comes Full Circle
• Acknowledgments
• Appendix: Further Reading for Your Journey
• Copyright