1
Staple Your Hems and Face the Piper
Whatâs your first move when you really donât know what to do next? You call your Newfoundland friend.
She answered on the first ring, as if she could feel the urgency. San Francisco, I told her. The Paris of North America. The Golden Gate Bridge.
Most importantly, though, I told her this: the Gap had come calling. I laid out the opportunity in my best âthis is the real dealâ voice. I needed her to understand how bloody serious this was. There are things youâll never have a second chance at. This trip would be my ticket, the genesis of my actual career, the one Iâd been building toward.
Or it wouldnât.
My life was about to change, one way or the other.
I was twenty-four years old, an entrepreneur from small-town Nova Scotia on her way up. Way up. Sprung, in all my unlikely splendour, straight out of Canadaâs Maritimes. And I wasnât just some ordinary businesswoman to contend with. I was a one-woman revolution in the making, a visionary, kickass lesbian in the tradesâa lesbian rethinking the trades, the whole goddamn construction industry, thank you very much.
Of course the Gap had come calling. I know, right?
Underneath that, though, I was a lobster fishermanâs daughter whoâd started out catching bait in the Bay of Fundy. Iâd worked for years as a farmhand, feeding andâIâm not kidding youâherding cows on local farms. Iâd spent what seemed (to me) like a lifetime of night shifts mopping layers of beer and puke off the floors of Halifax pubs. San Francisco? The Gap? Seriously? Iâd never set foot on the US West Coast. Shit, Iâd turned twenty-one before Iâd eaten my first garden salad. Now I was about to fly cross-continent to make a pitch to take over facilities maintenance for every one of this retail giantâs 230-plus Canadian stores.
Holy check-your-pants shit.
Midway through my spiel to my friend, I heard a commotion in the background.
âOkay,â I said. âWhat the hell are you doing?â
âJeez, bây! Iâm packing my shit and coming on that plane with you!â
For anyone unlucky enough to have never set foot on The Rock on Canadaâs East Coast, âbâyâ is Newfoundland English for âboy,â which, further, is Newfoundland English for âbuddyâ or âfriend.â An outsider needs a sharp earâand maybe a translatorâto make their way in that glorious salt-caked land.
Newfoundland wasnât asking. She was telling. And it sounded like she was throwing everything she owned, plus her Aunt Lucy besides, into her suitcase.
I havenât come across many people who could make me laugh more easily than Newfoundland. She was the sort who held nothing back. You never had to wonder what she was thinking. Thatâs my kind of person. Real.
She flew into Halifax to meet me. We had a few hours before the flight to California. Once there, weâd head straight from the airport to Gapâs headquarters. But as she approached me out of her arrivals gate, she looked me up and down and said, âYeah, youâre not going into that meeting with those clothes on, my friend.â
I was in jeans (ripped), work boots, and a hoodie. Job site clothes. Okay, my clothes. Period. My hair was pulled back, but not with flairâjust to get it the hell out of my face.
Newfoundland shook her head. âYouâve got to look respectable.â
The next thing you know, we were zipping through the city and pulling up to a Reitmans store. Thatâs right, Reitmans. Where else could I get the female corporate look on a shoestring budget? I have always hated shopping, and I detest trying on clothes. It just feels like a waste of time: thereâs always something else I could be doing. But I trusted her intentions. I sucked it up. My friend pushed me around that store like she was on a mission. She picked out the most professional-looking shirt and pants she could findâand got me into them. The pants were a bit long, but theyâd do. I walked up to the cash fully clad in my new duds and paid for what I was wearing. We ripped the tags off and headed back to the airport.
I should have spent my time on that long flight focusing on the meeting, but, dammit, the breath coming off the guy next to me could have peeled the carpet off the floor. And I was too nervous to eat a full meal. By the time the plane landed, I was full of peanuts and cheap coffeeâand swearing I would never again, as long as I lived, let anyone book me into a middle seat on an airplane. (I have kept that promise.) We caught a cab to the companyâs building near the waterfront, a stunning modern structure with chunky cube-style layers and echoes of old warehouses in its design: brick walls filled with rows of vast grilled windows. We stood outside and stared, then looked at each other and broke out into great big, nervous grins.
I was in San Francisco, about to meet with senior executives representing what was, at that time, the biggest retailer in the world.
This was happening.
Suddenly, I was sweating like Trump trying to form a sentence. I had never done anything like this before. However, by this point new territory was a daily occurrence for me. My young company was growing, fast: I was doing a million dollarsâ worth of business a year, including, already, the maintenance for forty of Gapâs Canadian locations. If I landed this contract my companyâs annual takings would leapâovernightâto five million dollars. Didnât the Great One, Gretzky, tell us you miss a hundred percent of the shots you donât take? I knew my shit. That was why I was here. I had one shot. And I was aiming for the net.
We made our way inside. The place was hopping with people rushing back and forth. This young guy armed with a headset and a clipboard hurried down the hallway to get us.
âHey, Canada,â he said. âWeâre running behind. Youâve got seven minutes.â
Then he turned and walked away.
Newfoundland looked at me and blurted, âWhat a dick!â Inside, I agreed with her. He was totally dickish. Weâre East Coasters, after all. Weâre all about making people feel welcome. If the tables had been turned, Mr. Pressed Khakis would have been presented with a cold craft beer and a lobster sandwich, with a few East Coast jokes thrown in for good measure.
But holy shit. There were all these people around, and her voice carriedâway more loudly than I was comfortable with. I had to shush her. âYou canât say that here!â
I shook off my irritation. Had to. It was game time. I walked toward those double doors like I was the one whoâd actually called the meeting.
âHoly crap, Bear. Stop!â
I swung around. Newfoundland said in a harsh whisper, âLord thundering Jesus, both hems fell out of your pants. You canât go in like that!â
It was a classic case of you get what you pay for. I must have stepped on them while I was sitting down, or getting upâremember how they were too long?âand snagged the hems. I was uncomfortable in those clothes as it was. My feet, stuffed into these smart little shoes weâd bought, were killing me. Newfoundland sent me to the washroom. As I turned, I saw her spin sideways and dive into a nearby office. My seven minutes were racing by. I told myself to breathe. Iâd barely finished the thought when she joined meâwith a smile, and a loaded weapon.
A stapler.
I had no words. But Newfoundland, bent over and fumbling with the bottoms of my pants, sure did. âHoly shit, bây, youâve got to jump up on the counter so I can see what Iâm doing.â
I hopped up and sat. Right smack in a pool of water. The woman before me must have had a serious hot flash. There was water everywhere. I imagined her standing there in a mad panic, splashing water all over, trying to cool herself off. Thank God my pants were black, because my arse was soaked.
Newfoundland and I started to laugh.
But the clock was ticking. She got to work with the stapler. Thirty seconds later, my pants were âhemmed.â Then she had me back up against the hand dryerâthe shitty kind they had in those days, that would barely ruffle the hair on a mosquitoâs head. We grabbed wads of those useless, stiff paper towels you once found in every public washroom, and she had her hands all over my arse, trying to soak up the water.
My seven minutes had turned to four. I gave Newfoundland a look that was probably half-deranged. âI have to get in there.â
She looked me square in the face and said, âYou got this.â
Back in the hallway she nodded in the direction of Mr. Khaki Pants. She knew what I was thinking. She leaned in and whispered, âDonât worry about him. If he tries to go near that door before youâre finished, Iâll take his headphones and ram them up hisââ
I didnât hear the rest, because I was walking toward the meeting room: me and my stapled pants and my sopping wet butt and my Canadian East Coast personality.
When those giant doors opened, it was as dramatic as the parting of the Red Sea. The first person I saw was the big guy, Francisco, the Gapâs senior vice-president of sourcing and procurement. He stood, and I looked up. I wouldnât be far off if I said I stood a groundhog above his belly button. Thatâs how tall he was. The pinching dress shoes that Iâd quickly come to hate added next to nothing to my short stature.
He smiled. âHi, Mandy Rennehan. How are you?â
I shook his hand and then made my way around the room, shaking more hands. The boardroom table, at least 25 feet long, was made of some exotic, flawless wood and was surrounded by high-backed leather chairs that clearly didnât come from Staples (no offence intended). The view from the roomâs massive windows took in the Oakland Bay Bridge. I was briefly rattled by the thought of how much this view must cost. Then I turned my attention to the business at hand.
I faced a group of men, five of them. They looked perfectly at home around that pricy table. Professional. Intimidating. And yet, something in me said, âIâll have ya warmed up in no time, boys.â
Francisco smiled at me. âYou come very, very highly recommended,â he began. âIâm interested in what you have to say.â
I swallowed hard. I remembered the promise Iâd made to myself: to always be me, the real Mandy. I would never try to be the person I thought they were expecting.
âWell, itâs a good thing,â I said, with what I hoped was my most winning smile. âBecause, you know what? Canadian lesbians donât travel to San Francisco all dressed up like this for just any guys.â
Dead silence. The five men stared at me. Their faces didnât crack for the longest three seconds of my life.
* * *
The key to a great lobster catch comes in the form of a little fish that travels upstream with lots and lots of friends. That tiny creature lives at sea but spawns in fresh water. In the bustling metropolis of Yarmouth, Nova Scotia, where I grew upâpopulation just 8,500, but itâs a community that boasts Atlantic Canadaâs biggest and most diverse fisheryâwe call this little fish a âkayak.â Itâs also known as a gaspereau or an alewife. But no matter what you call them, theyâre akin to a five-star Michelin meal to our precious crustaceans, drawing them in like an East Coaster to a fried baloney sandwich on squishy white bread.
As a kid, I was keenly aware of the importance of this little fish to the well-being of our family.
Thereâs nothing quite like growing up as the daughter of a lobster fisherman in a family of six in a community that relies heavily on the seasonal, unreliable fishing industry. In the late 1970s and early 1980s of my childhood, lobster was the furthest thing from a so-called delicacy. It was known as âpoor manâs food.â And those who caught and sold it barely got by. In our household, we were always trying to beat our way through what life threw at us. Flared tempers were normal, worry was second nature, and anxiety came and went with the tides. Where was the next cheque coming from? How was the next bag of groceries going to make it to the table? Where would we find the money to put gas in the car? And letâs not think about what would be under the Christmas treeâChristmas really was the time for miracles. We kids came to believe in them, because as far as we knew there was just no other way those gifts could have appeared beneath the tree.
Born in 1975 on a typical stormy day in Rockville, just down the rocky coastline from Yarmouth, Iâm Mandy to Ma, Bear to friends, and Sis to my brothers and Pup. I showed up five years after my older brother Troy, and seven years after the eldest, Chris. I spent the nine months before I was born with my twin, Trev, living in a 1970s rendition of a cramped studio apartment with a belly button for a doorbell. I donât know what the hell went on in there, but beyond our later mutual love for Maâs jam-in-the-middle sugar cookies (and thick-ass egg sandwiches on squishy white bread), we came out so polar opposite that youâd never guess we were twins.
We donât look alike. We donât have the same personality. Trev always loved watching sports and placing bets with the boys. I, on the other hand, couldnât tell you who was playing what sport on television because I...