1
Today a rare sun of spring. And horse carts clanging to the quays down Tara Street and the shoeless white faced kids screaming.
OāKeefe comes in and climbs up on a stool. Wags his knapsack around on his back and looks at Sebastian Dangerfield.
āThose tubs are huge over there. First bath for two months. Iām getting more like the Irish every day. Like going on the subway in the States, you go through a turnstile.ā
āDid you go first or third class, Kenneth?ā
āFirst. I broke my ass washing my underwear and in those damn rooms in Trinity nothing will dry. In the end I sent my towel to the laundry. Back at Harvard I could nip into a tiled shower and dive into nice clean underwear.ā
āWhat will you have to drink, Kenneth?ā
āWhoās paying?ā
āJust been to visit my broker with an electric fire.ā
āThen buy me a cider. Does Marion know youāve hocked the fire?ā
āSheās away. Took Felicity with her to visit her parents. On the moors in Scotland. I think the Balscaddoon was getting her down. Scrabbling on the ceiling and groans from under the floor.ā
āWhatās it like out there? Does it freeze your balls?ā
āCome out. Stay for the weekend. Not much in the way of food but youāre welcome to whatever Iāve got.ā
āWhich is nothing.ā
āI wouldnāt put it that way.ā
āI would. Since Iāve arrived here everything has been down and these guys at Trinity think Iām loaded with dough. They think the G.I. Bill means I crap dollars or a diarrhea of dimes. You get your check?ā
āGoing to see about it Monday.ā
āIf mine doesnāt come, Iāll croak. And youāre saddled with a wife and child. Wow. But at least you get it steady. And Iāve never got it at all. Any loose women out there on Howth?ā
āIāll keep a watch.ā
āLook Iāve got to go and see my tutor and see if I can find out where they hold my Greek lectures. Nobody knows, everything is secret. No more drink for me. Iāll come out over the weekend.ā
āKenneth, I might have your first woman waiting for you.ā
āYeah.ā
2
It was a steep hill up to Balscaddoon. Winding close to the houses and the neighborās eyes having a look. Fog over the flat water. And the figure hunched up the road. On top it leveled and set in a concrete wall was a green door.
Within the doorway, smiles, wearing white golfing shoes and tan trousers suspended with bits of wire.
āBy all means come in, Kenneth.ā
āSome place. What holds it up?ā
āFaith.ā
OāKeefe went through the house. Opening doors, drawers, closets, flushing the toilet, lifting its lid, flushing it again. Stuck his head in the hall.
āSay this thing really works. If we had something to eat weād be able to use it. Theyāve got one of those big shops down there in the town, why donāt you pop down with that English accent of yours and get some credit. As much as I like your company, Dangerfield, Iād prefer it on a full stomach.ā
āIām up to my eyes already.ā
āAnd you donāt look so hot in those clothes.ā
OāKeefe jumped on the floor of the drawing room. Pulled open the conservatory door, pinched the leaves of a dying plant and went out into the garden. Standing on the shaggy grass he gave a shrill whistle as he looked down precipitous rocks to the swells of sea many feet below. He went round the narrow back of the house, looking in the windows. In a bedroom he saw Dangerfield on his knees chopping a large blue blanket with an axe. He rushed back into the house.
āJesus Christ, Dangerfield, what are you doing? Have you gone Asiatic?ā
āPatience.ā
āBut thatās a good blanket. Give it to me if youāre going to chop it up.ā
āNow, Kenneth, watch me. See? Put this round the neck like this, tuck in the ragged edges and presto. Iām now wearing Trinityās rowing blue. Always best to provide a flippant subtlety when using class power. Now weāll see about a little credit.ā
āYou shrewd bastard. I must admit it looks good.ā
āMake a fire in the stove. Iāll be back.ā
āGet us a chicken.ā
āWeāll see.ā
Dangerfield stepped out into a deserted Balscaddoon Road.
The counter was covered with rich sides of bacon and wicker baskets of bright eggs. Assistants, white aproned, behind the long counter. Bananas, green from the Canary Isles, blooming from the ceiling. Dangerfield stopping in front of a gray haired assistant who leans forward eagerly.
āGood day, sir. Can I be of any help?ā
Dangerfield hesitating with pursed lips.
āGood day, yes. I would like to open up an account with you.ā
āVery good, sir. Will you please come this way.ā
The assistant opening a large ledger across the counter. Asking Dangerfieldās name and address.
āShall I bill you monthly or quarterly, sir?ā
āI think quarterly.ā
āWould you like to take anything with you today, sir?ā
Dangerfield caressing his teeth together, his eyes darting among the shelves.
āDo you have any Cork Gin?ā
āCertainly, sir. Large or small size?ā
āI think the large.ā
āAnd anything else, sir?ā
āDo you have any Haig and Haig?ā
Assistant calling to the end of the shop. A small boy goes behind the scenes and comes out with a bottle. Dangerfield points to a ham.
āAnd how many pounds, sir?ā
āIāll take it all. And two pounds of cheese and a chicken.ā
Assistant all smiles and remarks. O itās the weather. Shocking fog. No day for them ones at sea or the others either. And clapping his hands to the little boy.
āCome here and carry the parcels for the gentleman. And a very good day to you, sir.ā
Up the hill, OāKeefe waiting and sweeping the packages into his arms. In the kitchen, laying them out on the table.
āHow you do it, Dangerfield, I donāt know. The first time I went looking for credit they told me to come back with a letter from a bank manager.ā
āItās the blue blood, Kenneth. Now Iāll cut off a little piece of this cheese and give it to the little boy.ā
Dangerfield returns to the kitchen smiling and rubbing his hands.
āWhat made you get all this damn booze?ā
āWarm us up. I think a cold front is on the way from the Arctic.ā
āWhat will Marion say when she gets back?ā
āNot a word. These English wives are great. Know their proper place. Ought to marry one yourself.ā
āAll I want is my first piece of arse. Plenty of time to get snowed under with a wife and kids. Give me some of that Scotch and out of my way now while I rustle up this food. Cooking is the only work I sometimes think Iām fitted for. One summer when I was working in Newport I thought of giving up Harvard. There was this Greek chef who thought I was wonderful because I could speak aristocratic Greek but they fired me because I invited some of the boys from Harvard into the clubās bar for a drink and the manager came over and fired me on the spot. Said the staff werenāt to mix with guests.ā
āQuite rightly so.ā
āAnd now Iāve got a degree in classics and still have to cook.ā
āA noble calling.ā
OāKeefe flipping pots and bouncing from sink to table.
āKenneth, do you think youāre sexually frustrated and maladjusted?ā
āI do.ā
āYouāll find opportunities in this fine land.ā
āYeah, lots, for unnatural connections with farm animals. Jesus, the only time I can forget about it is when Iām hungry. When I eat I go mad. I sat down and read every book on sex in the Widener Library to see how I could get it. Did me no damn good. I must repel women and thereās no cure for that.ā
āHasnāt anyone ever been attracted?ā
āOnce. At Black Mountain College in North Carolina. Asked me to come up to her room to listen to some music. She started to press up against me and I ran out of the room.ā
āWhat for?ā
āShe must have been too ugly. Thatās another thing against me. Iām attracted to beautiful women. Only thing for me is to grow old and not want it anymore.ā
āYouāll want it more than ever.ā
āJesus, that isnāt true, is it? If thatās what Iāve got to look forward to I may as well flip myself off the end of the back garden out there. Tell me, whatās it like to have it steady?ā
āGet used to it like most things.ā
āI could never get used to it.ā
āYou will.ā
āBut whatās this little visit of Marionās to mama and papa? Friction? Drinking?ā
āShe and the baby need a little rest.ā
āI think her old man must be wise to you. How did he ever screw you out of two hundred and fifty notes? Itās no wonder you never got it.ā
āHe just took me into his study and said sorry son, things are just a little tight at the moment.ā
āShould have said dowry or no marriage. He must have dough, an admiral. Give him the stuff, like to provide for Marion the way sheās accustomed to. Could have touched him with a few of those rosy ideas of yours.ā
āToo late. This was the night before the wedding. I even refused a drink for strategy. However, he waited a good five minutes after the butler left before pleading poverty.ā
OāKeefe spins holding the chicken by the leg.
āSee, heās shrewd. Saved himself two hundred and fifty nicker notes. If you had been on your toes you could have told him you had Marion up the pole and with a birth imminent you needed a little nest egg. Now look at you. All you need to do now is flunk your law exams and bingo.ā
āIām all right, Kenneth. Little money and everythingās all right. Got a house, wife, daughter.ā
āYou mean you pay rent for a house. Stop paying rent, no house.ā
āLet me pour you another drink, Kenneth. I think you need it.ā
OāKeefe filling a bowl with bread crumbs. Night outside and the boom of the sea. Angelus bells. Pause that refreshes.
āThis, Dangerfield, is your blood for which your family will starve and which will finally send you all to the poor house. Should have played it cozy and married strictly for cash. Come in drunk, have a quick one and whoops, another mouth to feed. Youāll be eating spaghetti as I had to as a kid till it comes out of your eyes or else youāll have to take your English wife and English kids and screw back to America.ā
The chicken, trussed, was laid reverently in the pan. OāKeefe with a smack of the lips pushed it in the oven.
āWhen thatās ready, Dangerfield, weāll have chicken Ć la Balscaddoon. You know, this is a pretty spooky house when it gets dark. But I donāt hear anything yet except the sea.ā
āWait.ā
āWell, ghosts wonāt bother me on a full stomach and certainly never if I had a full sex life. Do you know, at Harvard I finally got Constance Kelly in my power. There was a girl who strung me along for two years till I found out what a fraud American womanhood was and I squeezed her right under my thumb. But I canāt figure it out. I never could get it. Sheād do anything but let me in. Holding out for wealth on Beacon Hill. I would have married her but she didnāt want to get stuck at the bottom of the social ladder with me. One of her own kind. Jesus, sheās right. But do you know what Iām going to do? When I go back to the States when Iām fat with dough, wearing my Saville Row suits, with black briar, M.G. and my man driving, Iām going to turn on my English accent full blast. Pull up to some suburban house where sheās married a mick, turned down by all the old Bostonians, and leave my man at the wheel Iāll walk up the front path knocking the kidās toys out of the way with my walking stick and give the door a few impatient raps. She comes out. A smudge of flour on her cheek and the reek of boiled cabbage coming from the kitchen. I look at her with shocked surprise. I recover slowly and then in my best accent, delivered with devastating resonance, I say Constance . . . youāve turned out . . . just as I thought you would. Then I spin on my heel, give her a good look at my tailoring, knock another toy aside with my cane and roar away.ā
Dangerfield swinging back in the green rocking chair with a wiggle of joy, head shaking in a hundred yesses. OāKeefe striding the red tiles of the kitchen floor, waving a fork, his one live eye glistening in his head, a mad mick for sure. Perhaps heāll slip on one of the toys and break an arse bone.
āAnd Constanceās mother hated my guts. Thought Iād suck her down socially. Would open all the letters Iād write to her daughter, and Iād sit in Widener Library thinking up the dirtiest stuff I could imagine, I think the old slut loved them. Used to make me laugh thinking sheād read them and then have to burn them. Jesus, I repel women, damn it. Even this winter down in Connemara visiting the old folks, my cousin, who looked like a cowās arse wouldnāt even come across. Iād wait for her to go out and get the milk at night and go with her. At the end of the field Iād try to nudge her into the ditch. Iād get her all breathless and saying sheād do anything if Iād take her to the States and marry her. I tried that for three nights running, standing out there in the rain up to our ankles in mud and cow flop, me trying to get her in the ditch, knock her down, but she was too strong. So I told her she was a tub of lard and I wouldnāt take her to East Jesus. Have to get them a visa before you can touch an arm.ā
āMarry her, Kenneth.ā
āGet tangled with that beast of burden for the rest of me days? Be all right if I co...