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9 Mistakes That Keep You Stuck in Debt
Being in debt is a horrible feeling, isnât it? Anyone who has ever been in debt knows that. Iâve been there to the tune of $20,000, so I really can empathize. But you know whatâs even worse than feeling like youâre about to go under water? Making mistakes that cause you to sink even lower into the depths of debt hell.
Iâve actually committed all of the mistakes Iâm going to cover here. Yep, all nine! Itâs not an achievement Iâm particularly proud of, but by sharing it with you Iâm hoping youâll benefit from my past misery. Some of these mistakes I made just as I was starting to sink into debt. Theyâre what I like to call âgateway mistakesâ; once you get comfortable with these mistakes, youâre just a few steps away from the bigger mistakes that take you all the way down the rabbit hole.
So, I know firsthand how screwed up things can get. I also know that these nine mistakes kept me in debt far longer than necessary. And that means I paid a whole lot more in interest than I would have if Iâd come to my senses sooner. Hereâs the deal: Face these mistakes head-on so you can nip them in the bud and get on with fixing your life. Of course, if youâre afflicted with Mistake #1, I know that this is easier said than done.
Mistake #1: You Have an Acute Case of Head-in-Sand Syndrome
When youâre in debt, you kind of wish you could have a do-over with your credit cards. This is especially true if youâve taken the time to learn about your finances since you got into debt. If you could climb into a time machine and go back a few years, you definitely would not buy those designer shoes. And you wouldnât even think about getting that awesome flat-screen TV again. In fact, if you could bargain with the shopping gods, youâd never buy anything again, ever!
If you could only erase the damage, youâd be the best cardholder who has ever lived. See, this is the kind of thinking that leads to depression, because you know you canât have a do-over with your credit card debt. And this, my friends, is what makes you vulnerable to head-in-sand syndrome (HISS).
Here are some of the unpleasant side effects of HISS: When youâre in the acute stage, you might start making late payments. Or worse, you might even stop paying your bills altogether, as I did. Other side effects include plunging credit scores, mail-induced nausea, and non-existent self-esteem. Itâs not surprising that some of us start to pretend that the whole debt thing doesnât even exist. I mastered this approach when I was in debt. Fortunately, this syndrome is curable by taking a large dose of reality. I call this âstaring down your debt,â and I show you exactly how to do just that in Chapter 2.
When I was in debt I had seven credit cards, and they were all maxed out. Every. Single. One. You know what happens when youâre in this situation? You get lots and lots of bills in the mail. Yes, I mean snail mail. It was the â80s, and if you could breathe, you could get a credit card. And these were the days before the Internet and digital statements. If youâre under the age of 35, this situation is probably difficult to imagine.
My problem wasnât just the amount of debt, though. I had so many high minimum monthly payments, I couldnât pay all of my monthly bills. The electricity, my rent, you name it. Not happening. Fortunately my car was paid for, or I surely would have ended up walking to work. It became overwhelming, and honestly, I wasnât yet ready to face what Iâd done. So I made what I considered a logical decision at the time: I stopped going to my mailbox. No mail, no bills, no stress. Problem solved!
I talk about this a bit in my book Confessions of a Credit Junkie, and how I went on like this for weeks. But one day I was ambushed by the postal carrier who could no longer stuff any more mail into my mailbox. He happened to be there when I went home for lunch one day, and he said he thought Iâd moved and had neglected to fill out one of those mail-forwarding forms. I fibbed about losing my mailbox key and he promptly handed me all my mail. That day, my lovely imaginary life got a jolt of reality.
Unfortunately, during my break from reality, everything had deteriorated to the point of ugliness. Some of my accounts had gone to collection agencies. My electricity was about to be turned off. Serious stuff was happening because I refused to live in reality. Would you believe I continued on in this semi-comatose state just a bit longer? When you feel like the walls are closing in on you, you cope the best way you can while you try to figure out what to do next. It might look to outsiders like youâre making insane decisions. But this is why I never, ever judge the decisions people make when theyâre in debt. Itâs kind of like floating in the ocean, hanging onto a life preserver during a big storm. Youâre just trying to keep your head above water while you wait for things to calm down.
But the only way to keep from drowning is to face reality. Trust me on this. When I finally came to my senses, I had a strangely Zen type of feeling. I think I was relieved that the credit ride was over. Now, I just had to figure out how to take back my life.
Of course, I regretted not having this epiphany sooner. My head-in-sand time made things worse than they already were, which made my credit comeback more difficult. But I still managed to recover from this mistake, and you can, too.
Mistake #2: You Believe Youâre a Victim
This one is complicated. I want to be sensitive here because there really are unfortunate circumstances, such as a health crisis or sudden unemployment, that make it difficult for people to pay their bills. In these cases, Iâm not criticizing you for feeling like youâve been dealt a bad hand. But until you can stop identifying yourself as the victim, you wonât be able to pay off your debt. Youâll be too angry to stay focused, because getting out of debt isnât for the faint of heart; itâs hard work, and you have to be all in.
Letâs take a look at the two most common complaints I hear from those who get stuck in victim roles. Weâll take a look at each scenario and Iâll explain what I mean.
âThe credit card companies tricked me.â
Some personal finance experts will tell you it isnât your fault. You couldnât resist the advertisements. They were too powerful, and you got sucked into buying stuff. Well, Iâm not one of those experts. I happen to think that youâre smarter than that and not weak-minded enough to get continually sucked into purchases you donât need. Sure, we all indulge in impulse buys now and then, but you canât blame $30,000 of credit card debt on commercials or complicated fine print.
I have a lot of respect for you. I think youâre tough and savvy. And I think that deep down inside, you know that. Am I right? So let me give it to you straight: Itâs your debt and youâre responsible for paying it off. Itâs really that simple. I donât want to hear that you bought into the hype or the advertisements made you do it. It doesnât matter how funny the credit card commercial was; it was still your responsibility to read the fine print. And yes, I agree some of the fine print is deceptive and tricky. But at some point, it was up to you to stop the spending.
Now, there are other circumstances that donât involve impulse buys or being influenced by ads. Letâs take a look at these because, really, I understand why these situations would make you feel mad at the world. In fact, you wouldnât be normal if you werenât feeling a little victimized.
âI experienced a crisis.â
Losing your job, going through a messy divorce, and being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness all fall into this category. These are situations that often cause a lot of folks to sink into debt. If youâre a parent, this is even more complex because you have mouths to feed. You canât decide to eat canned tuna fish (or my personal favorite, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches) for six months while you try to fix your money situation. Kids need a good diet, and they grow quickly. When my kids were young, it seemed like they needed new shoes every three months.
So let me just say that I really do feel badly for you. This is a debt situation that isnât fair. I get that. Maybe you even had an emergency fund, but it wasnât enough to survive the long months without a steady income or out-of-pocket medical expenses you had to cover. But hereâs the harsh reality: Itâs still your debt and you have to pay it off. Find a way to re-create yourself as a survivor. You faced tough times and you survived. Now youâve got credit card debt, but youâll beat that, too.
If youâre in debt due to an illness or a family memberâs illness, this has become, unfortunately, an all-too-common financial crisis. The number-one cause of bankruptcy in this country is medical debt. You might be in a situation where you have such high medical bills, you see no way out. And if youâre way over your head in medical debt, I address this specific situation in Chapter 8.
Mistake #3: You Fail to Identify the Real Problem
This is a common mistake and I know why. It takes a bit of work and soul searching to sort this out. And Iâm talking about narrowing down your problem to the exact source. So saying âI spend too much time at the mallâ isnât specific enough. If you donât isolate the specific source of your problem, you canât make the necessary adjustments. And even if you manage to get out of debt, youâre likely to end up in debt again. Iâll cover this in more detail in Chapter 2, but I want you to start giving this some thought now. So letâs look at a few of the more common reasons people end up in credit card debt.
Retail therapy
This type of behavior goes by many names: shopaholic, mall rat, orâmy personal favoriteâcredit junkie. The incentive is the same, though. You experienced a disappointment, got upsetting news, broke a nail, rear-ended another car, had a boring afternoon. Just insert the verb/crummy adjective/noun combo that applies to you.
Remember the experiment with Pavlovâs dogs? Ivan Pavlov did an experiment that conditioned dogs to salivate when they heard a bell. When they heard the bell, they knew theyâd soon be getting meat powder. This is called classical conditioning. Iâm not suggesting weâre exactly like Pavlovâs dogs (although Iâve been called worse things on the Internet!), but the theory still applies.
This is what happens: A certain trigger in your life compels you to react with your credit card. Then you go shopping and it gives you a psychological boost just when you need it. When I was in debt, I specialized in head-in-sand syndrome and retail therapy. Had a bad day at the office? A new pair of Ralph Lauren jeans sounded about right. Broke up with a boyfriend? The therapy required depended on how much I liked him. If I thought he was The One, designer shoes were sure to kill the pain. Oddly enough, I needed more therapy to recover from the jerks. I once bought a luxurious winter coat after a breakup with a guy I was actually glad to get rid of.
The truth is, we all engage in retail therapy now and then. An Ebates.com survey in 2013 showed that 51.8 percent of Americans shop and spend a little now and then when they need to feel better. Women, at 63 percent, did this quite a bit more than men, at 39 percent. So a little retail therapy on occasion isnât the issue. But if you indulge in retail therapy on a frequent basis, itâs really difficult to get out of debt because youâre still busy getting into debt. You have to put down the credit cards. Youâll need a new way to handle the ups and downs of life.
You know what worked for me? I learned everything I could about personal finance, especially credit. I know that sounds painfully dull, but it was so empowering. And well, I admit that I kind of like feeling powerful. It raised my self-esteem and self-confidence to levels Iâd never had before.
Ironically, confidence issues turned out to be my spending catalyst. It wasnât that I needed to shop to forget my bad day at the office. Every day was a bad day at the office. I had a bad day because I wasnât advancing in my career the way I wanted to. The cause? Poor self-confidence. I needed new shoes to regain my confidence. So when I walked into the office the next day, it was a whole new me. And I loved the compliments about how great I looked. But as soon as the newness wore off, I was right back where I started.
When Iâm on the radio, Iâm often asked if I got credit counseling to overcome my credit junkie tendencies. I never saw a credit counselor about this because once I decided to pay off my debt, I became more self-disciplined. I also didnât know that credit counseling was out there and that it was a good option if I wanted to pursue it.
Just watching my debt total go down generated an adrenaline response that was similar to the rush I once got when I scored a new handbag at the mall. There was a big emotional component to my spending, for sure. I do feel lucky that learning about personal finance boosted my confidence and self-esteem enough to help me control my spending.
If youâve tried to stop shopping and you canât, thereâs no shame in that. We all have something that, at one time, has held us back from getting what we wanted. If you think counseling would help, then donât hesitate to try it. Many counselors will work on a sliding scale and only charge you what you can pay. I realize this is not the best way to immediately pay down debt since it involves spending more money. But weâre thinking about long-term solutions here. It always pays off to spend time working on yourself, if that helps you succeed in getting rid of your debt.
Now, if you feel your shopping has approached the level of addiction, I urge you to contact Debtors Anonymous for help. I have contact information for you in Appendix B. Do whatever you need to do to take back your life. Itâs no one elseâs business how you going about doing this.
Spending too much time with shopaholic friends
Anytime youâre trying to give up something, you likely need to keep away from the thing youâre trying to give up. If most of your friends think browsing and shopping at the mall is the way to spend a Saturday, then you need to cut back on the time you spend with them. Now, this assumes that they would pressure you into buying something. But letâs be honest: Itâs hard to pass over a dress thatâs just the right size and in a color that brings out your eyes unless youâre in a good place psychologically.
I know itâs difficult to cut back on your time with friends, and they may not understand at first. But I think you need to be honest. I really believe thatâs the best way to save a friendship. Let them know that youâre working on getting out of debt. If you donât want to talk about that, then tell them youâre saving money for something you really want. Thatâs true, too. Youâre saving money to throw at your debt because you want it to go away!
This is a complex problem, and I know you donât want to give up your friendsâunless, of course, they are sabotaging your efforts to get out of debt. You know that saying âmisery loves companyâ? Well, thatâs how we sometimes end up with friends who arenât good for our emotional and financial health. Only you can decide if you need new friends. All Iâm saying is that you need to take a look at who you hang out with while youâre in the midst of debt reduction.
Mistake #4: You Donât Make Credit Card Debt Your Priority
Weâve already talked about how quickly the interest can pile up. Weâll talk about different approaches to paying off your credit cards later in the book. But the main thing to get into your head right now is that you canât put it off. You canât decide to save for a new car before paying off your credit cards. And definitely donât pay off your mortgage before you pay off credit card debt.
Youâve probably heard of the concept of good debt vs. bad debt. Good debt is associated with an investmentâ a mortgage, for example. This assumes you make a good choice and donât overpay for a home. Although it isnât the clear-cut financial win it used to be, most of us still want to own a home. Itâs a source of pride and often brings a tax deduction. This all assumes you donât get a mortgage you canât really afford, of course.
Student loans are another example of good debt. Youâre making an investment in your future. A recent Pew Research Center study showed that Millennials aged 25 to 32 who had college degrees earned a median salary of $45,500, whereas high school graduates earned only $28,000 (from âThe Rising Cost of Not Going to College,â Pew Research Social and Demographic Trends, February 11, 2014, www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/02/11/the-rising-cost-of-not-going-to-college/#). Thatâs a big gap. And the unemployment rate for high-school grads was three times higher than it was for those with a college degree. But if you go overboard with student loans, you might not gain the advantage you seek. A good rule of thumb is that your student loans should not exceed the amount you expect to make in your first year of work. Another example is a business loan. Itâs risky, for sure, but your plan is to use the capital you borrow to create a business that provides a source of income. This is what I mean by good debt. You take a calculated risk when you borrow, but you gain something that could make you better off financially down the road.
Okay, now letâs take a look at bad debt. With bad debt, youâre borrowing money for something that wonât appreciate in value. In fact, it might cost you more money than you ever dreamed possible. For example, credit card debt is bad debt. Very bad debt. You pay interest on your balances and often end up paying a lot more for your purchases than you ever intended to. Thereâs no anticipation that your new leather boots will appreciate, right? And you know that fancy Mac computer you just bought will be outdated in a year (well, the way technology progresses, maybe less than a year).
Another bad debt is a car loan. Every year, your car decreases in value. If you have an accident, then you lose value even more quickly. I donât buy new cars. Not ever. I do buy cars that are known for lasting a long time, but I buy them when they...