Speak Strong

Meryl Runion

• Publisher: Morgan James Publishing
• Year: 2010
• ISBN:
  9781600378720
• Topic: Desarrollo personal
• Subtopic: Comunicar y hablar en público

Learn to strengthen your communication skills and handle difficult conversations with confidence in this guide from the author of Power Phrases.

Research shows ninety percent of us stay silent in situations that call for strong words. But while many of us don't want to rock the boat, author Meryl Runion explains that some boats need to be rocked—provided that it happens for the right reasons, at the right time, and in the right way.

In Speak Srong, Runion helps you know when it's time to speak up, overcome resistance to unwelcome truths, establish and implement boundaries, create new communication standards, supercharge your message, elevate the quality of your conversations, overcome destructive communication habits, and put your best foot forward sincerely.

Runion's "PowerPhrases!" book series has helped over a quarter million readers find the perfect phrases to communicate clearly. Speak Strong is the perfect "next step" for those who rely on communication skills to build successful careers and relationships.

Speak
STRONG

STEP 1:
COMMIT TO CODE WHITE

Commit to Code White Skill Set #1:
Awaken Your Inner Ostrich

Commit to Code White Skill Set #2:
Open Your Eyes

Introduction to Step One:
Commit to Code White

The power of attention

Health care organizations and hospitals all over the country have different codes for different kinds of events. Code blue is cardiac arrest. Code pink is infant abduction. Code BM is…well, you can imagine.

In Colorado Springs and some other places, there’s a Code White. Here’s what Code White is: if a physician verbally abuses a nurse within earshot, the nurses in the unit stand around and silently witness the conversation. That makes the physician aware of his or her inappropriate behavior. Usually all it takes to get the physician to stop the verbal abuse is for the staff to keep their eyes open to what’s going on.

Power in numbers

This reminds me of the movie Witness. In the end of the movie, a group of dastardly criminals prepare to kill an Amish family who know of their crimes. The young son is able to ring the bell, and suddenly the entire Amish community shows up. These harmless people are able to stop a murder, simply by being witnesses. There is power in awareness. The ringing of the bell was a kind of Code White.

Code White starts with awakening your inner ostrich, even though it would prefer to keep its head in the sand.

There are two skill categories for your SpeakStrong first step to commit to Code White.

Commit to Code White Skill Category #1:
Awaken Your Inner Ostrich

Code White says — wake up! Take your head out of the sand and see things as they are. Admit what’s in front of you. Code White doesn’t even ask you to speak — it simply asks that you be willing to face truth with your eyes open. It asks that you stop saying things you don’t mean and look for what needs to be said. It means you forget those lame excuses that you hide behind and get honest with yourself. It means you awaken your inner ostrich and pull your head out of the sand. Once there, you open your eyes wide.

Commit to Code White Skill Category #2:
Open Your Eyes

If you’ve been burying your head in the sand, when you pull your head out, your eyes will need to refocus to see what’s right in front of you. You might be tempted to stick your head back into the ground. Don’t do it. Learn to see.

Learn to let go of the excuses and cut to the core of truth. Establish standards of honesty that are realistic and integrous.

Life is full of Code Whites: situations that require your willingness to bear witness to the truth. Committing to Code White is the first step of Speaking Strong.

Read on to learn how.

What are’ you
pretending
not to see?

MERYL RUNION

Change comes from
the willingness
to see things
as they are’.

MERYL RUNION

COMMIT TO CODE WHITE SKILL SET #1: AWAKEN YOUR INNER OSTRICH

Is that My Best Foot Forward — or a False Front?

Skill #1: Stop Saying Things You Don’t Mean

A family of “Great Pretenders”

Jill’s family has a day-long gathering every Christmas. While no one really wants to go, they make believe they do. They attend, pretend and extend themselves in false merriment. They have one eye on the clock as it creeps ahead to their secretly predetermined exit moments. They exchange hugs, say their goodbyes and feign regret about how they couldn’t stay longer.

If you heard their private follow-up conversations, you’d never guess how tedious the whole family finds the gatherings. Jill gushes with the best of them. When she hangs up the phone, she wonders if she’s the only one who would like to end this family tradition.

Jill has a picture perfect family with no real people in it.

It’s a family addicted to saying things no one means.

It’s a family that doesn’t admit what everyone knows. No one wants to spend every Christmas together, and everyone lies when they say they do.

The charade continues

The pretense doesn’t stop there. Jill goes to work and assures her client she’ll meet a deadline that she doubts she can make. Her husband goes to work and tells his boss that the last-minute changes are no problem when in fact they are. Jill’s brother Rod doesn’t go to work — he calls in sick. Rod wants to attend his daughter’s soccer game in the afternoon. He can’t say that, so he uses his most pathetic-sounding voice to phone in and take the entire day off.

Can you imagine what it would be like if Jill’s family faced reality and spoke nothing but truth for an entire day?

Just imagine…

Imagine what your day would be like if the people in your life stopped saying things they didn’t mean. Your spouse might stay silent when you ask if your dress makes you look fat. Your kid might not have an answer for you when you ask where he’s been since school let out. Your boss might not want to answer when you ask whether your job was secure.

It would be a very different world if we all stopped saying things we don’t mean. Envision a day in your world where you and everyone else only speak words they mean. If it looks a lot different than your normal day, ask yourself where and how you can stop saying things you don’t mean.

There is another way

While Jill’s family continues to plan for their next year’s Christmas gathering, Cindy’s family admitted they’d rather celebrate at home and schedule a family reunion in the summer when the weather is good and the kids can play outside. Cindy’s family stopped saying things they didn’t mean. Each had their best individual Christmases ever.

Cindy likes the new arrangement so much; she’s considering making a few more changes. In fact, she just might tell her manager that she needs more lead time on a reoccurring project.

What a concept!

A lie for a lie’
makes the whole
world a mirage’.

MERYL RUNION

Dos, Don’ts and Tips, Skill #1:
Stop Saying Things You Don’t Mean

Some call it manners, others call it savvy. I call it dishonesty. If you pretend you think things you don’t think, feel things you don’t feel, and want things you don’t want, you’re being deceitful.

Some deceptions are relatively harmless or even helpful. But even your little lies come at the price of your integrity.

When you say something you don’t mean like: “That’s okay,” “No problem,” and “I agree.”…you discount yourself.

When you say something you don’t mean, like: “I hate you,” “I’m perfect, so if something I do offends you, it’s your problem,” and “You’ll never amount to anything.” …you hurt others.

An occasional white lie doesn’t turn you into a liar, but a habit of saying things you don’t mean is a habit that undermines your relationships, your success and your personal integrity. Create a personal communication policy of not saying things you don’t mean. Here’s how.

1. Ask why you say things you don’t mean

We all shade the truth at t...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title
• Copyright
• Contents
• Introduction: A Speak Strong Revolution
• SpeakStrong Step 1: Commit to Code White
• SpeakStrong Step 2: Say What You Mean
• SpeakStrong Step 3: Mean What You Say
• SpeakStrong Step 4: Don’t Be Mean When You Say It
• SpeakStrong Step 5: Speak Your Simple Truth
• Appendix