The Education of Young Children

D.E.M. Gardner

• Publisher: Routledge
• Year: 2021
• ISBN:
  9781000384932
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Education
• Subtopic: Education General

First published in 1956, The Education of Young Children is focused on presenting the psychological needs of children within education, following several talks given by the author at conferences for teachers of young children.

The book highlights the importance of meeting all aspects of a child's needs. It demonstrates that physical, emotional, social, and intellectual needs are all intrinsically connected and fundamental to education and development. It also puts forward the significance of Nursery Schools and the training given to Nursery School teachers, as well as the influence of Nursery Schools on Infant Schools.

The Education of Young Children will appeal to those with an interest in the history and psychology of education.

1

Young Children and their Feelings

★

Nursery School teachers are learning to respect the reality and intensity of the child’s feelings and to realise something of their complexity. We have progressed a long way in this direction. There was a time when teachers looked upon such matters as eating, sleeping and toilet training purely as means of satisfying physical needs. They exalted the concept of habit, often at the expense of the child’s feelings. They were often taught that there was only one best or right way for all children to behave if their physical welfare was to be achieved and they therefore aimed at achieving uniform behaviour and remonstrated with parents if they pleaded that their children were not suited to the routine. How often, for example, the Nursery School teacher, patiently and authoritatively, told parents that they were mistaken in thinking that an afternoon sleep caused the child to be wakeful at bedtime or to wake very early in the morning, whereas we now know that the amount of sleep needed varies from child to child and that there are indeed certain children of whom what the parents were saying was true, although there are others who really need the afternoon sleep and who, after a little familiarity with the new surroundings, will settle easily to sleep and wake refreshed and vigorous. The children who did not really need the sleep either tossed restlessly on their beds and did not sleep at all, or, if out of boredom finally went to sleep, often woke cross and heavy and then became exceedingly wide awake when the evening bedtime came. We have learnt to watch children as individuals and to provide a period of quiet play or occupation for children who do not need the afternoon sleep, so that they need no longer toss unhappily and unoccupied upon a bed—which was probably the most exhausting occupation of the day for such children !

We are realising too, that meal times and toilet training are far more than matters of physical importance. There is a wealth of feeling involved and it is in the situations of eating, washing, using the lavatory and going to bed that the child is often most aware of feelings connected with his parents and his home. An insistence that he should eat unwanted food, or conform suddenly to unfamiliar toilet routine, can make him profoundly unhappy. It is only when he is confident and happy in his new surroundings that he is ready to try new ways and he will then often co-operate spontaneously in what he sees other children do, or easily take up a suggestion that he should do so. Not until his feelings are at ease can these matters fall to the level of habit and, even then, an apparently well-established habit can break down under the stress of feeling or the urge to progress, as babies will discard crawling habits when they begin to walk and run, or revert to outgrown thumbsucking or bed-wetting at moments of distress or loneliness.

The period of 2 to 3 years is one of great vividness and intensity of feeling. At no later period, not even at adolescence, are the feelings as intense and vivid, not so much because the feelings weaken as because, later on, there is more power of judgement which helps control of feeling. Memory, too, gradually gives a greater sense of proportion and there is therefore less anxiety. At first there is so little to temper feelings, no real conception of past and future; grief, despair, loneliness, anger and fear all feel to the child as if they will last for ever and when possessed by one feeling the young child is not aware of other feelings which can temper the one which now possesses him. If he is angry with his teacher he may say, ‘You’re a devil’, or ‘I wish you were dead’, and for the time being, that is how he feels, though a few minutes later he may with equal sincerity say, ‘You are the nicest person in the world and I’ll marry you when I grow up’.

The child’s feelings are not, of course, all anxious ones. Children abandon themselves with equal whole-heartedness to transports of delight, joy and wonder. But those who know young children are always alert and prepared for rapid swings of feeling. Normal young children have long periods of calm cheerfulness and peaceful happy play, but in any group of them one or other may be seized at any moment by a sudden change of mood, especially if frustrated in his purpose or wishes by the interference of other children or by his own inability to achieve success.

Sensory feelings are very prominent. The young child needs at times a physical caress to assure him of love. A warm clasp of the hand sometimes brings comfort when words fail. A welcoming smile may make all the difference to his feelings on entering school in the morning.

In earlier days Nursery School teachers were sometimes trained to avoid expressions of spontaneous affection. They were warned not to gratify their own maternal impulses at the expense of the child and taught that the child longed for independence. There is, of course, much truth in this view and it is indeed a mistake to interrupt children by caresses at times when they are happily occupied, or to render services for them when they would like to be performing them for themselves or are ready to accept encouragement to do so, but there are other times when a child needs to know that we are willing to help him, and one who may not have enough affection at home or is in a mood of depression or despair may be very much helped by the spontaneous expression of affection which is given by an adult who is sensitive to his needs. An older voluntary helper (herself a grandmother), in a war-time Nursery for evacuated children, said to me once, ‘I don’t know whether I really do much for them, but at least I’m cuddler-in-chief’. She devoted special attention to the unattractive and less happy children and there is no doubt that she fulfilled a very valuable function.

The child may show his anger and hostility in physical ways and, if very much aroused, will resort to kicking, biting and spitting. He may at times need physical restraint but this should never be violent or severe. The child welcomes a firm but protective and kindly restraint at times when his own feelings are beyond his control. He may be very angry at the time when he is firmly restrained, but he shows his relief afterwards in very clear ways and does not really trust a weak and anxious adult. His feelings are at times very complex. He has little ability to explain or reason about them, or to understand our reasoning.

By two years old the child has already travelled a long way in his emotional development and gives clear evidence that he can experience, in their simpler forms at least, the whole range of human emotions. The earliest figure around whom his most intense feelings cluster is his mother or a substitute for her—the person who feeds and gives most of the physical care to him. It is difficult to compensate a child to whom a good and loving relationship with one person has been denied in his infancy. Such children are best helped if someone can be found who will give, at a later stage, the warmth and personal care that a good mother would provide. The Nursery School teacher may, in some cases, fill this rôle.

If the child has had full and satisfactory experience of the first great personal relationship of his life and has learnt to cope with the inevitable feelings of rage and fear which are also centred on the person he loves most, he will, by the time he enters Nursery School, have enlarged the circle of people who are important in his feelings. In a normal home the father will be of great importance and the child will also have learned to care for some special relatives or friends of the family and perhaps older brothers and sisters and, though it is probable at the age of two that the mother will still be the most important person to him, he shows as the year goes on that he is less completely dependent on her. He is not psychologically ready for a Nursery School until this stage has been reached. The actual age by which children are ready varies in different children and under different circumstances and home influences. There is no doubt that we need to watch the individual child closely, especially if he is below the age of three, and, if circumstances make it possible, be ready to advise mothers to wait a little longer if the child is not yet ready to settle down happily after a reasonable trial. The alternatives before some children may be even more difficult than an over-early entry to the Nursery School, but in such cases some adult will need to give a great deal of extra mothering and for the happiness and future welfare of the children it is to be hoped that such cases will not be too many for the staff of the Nursery School to be able to meet this need.

The newcomer to the Nursery School, whenever he comes, will almost certainly pass through a period, which may be quite short, in which he needs special protective care from an adult. He often selects the adult he needs and his reasons for selection are interesting and varied. He often chooses the person to whom the mother has first consigned him and very often this will be the Superintendent. In any case, she is likely to be frequently selected, as the child seems to sense very quickly that she is invested with special authority and he often feels safer with her. He may, however, select the first adult who makes friendly advances to him, and I have often found that an adult who shows that she recognises his longing for his mother, and will take him to look for her and meet her with him when she comes for him, is selected as the most loved and trusted person. In other cases the reason is not so clear, but appears to rest on a mysterious affinity which exists between some adults and some children. It may be that some physical resemblance to a loved person plays a part or that some qualities of personality win a response. If it is possible to allow the adult to whom the child feels a particular attachment to support him for a time, the child will often settle into the Nursery School more easily and quickly than he otherwise would.

In many Nursery Schools now, wise methods of helping the new child to adjust to the very strange situation are being used. In some schools the mother is encouraged to remain, quietly employing herself in the Nursery School, until the child is so settled that he is willing for her to withdraw for gradually lengthening periods. In other schools the new child is allowed to enter for very short periods at first, or to get to know the Nursery School for a period before he actually enters. These procedures, which recognise the need for the child to make a gradual rather than a sudden adjustment, are very helpful and prevent much unnecessary suffering. The child is allowed to form personal attachments to new people before he is required to part with the person to whom he is most attached.

It is sometimes helpful to warn a young assistant that when a child has formed a real relationship with her it will involve hostility as well as love and that his behaviour may for a time be more ‘difficult’. He may go through phases of being very demanding or jealous and, at times, will be defiant or use means to win her attention of which she does not approve. Unless she realises that these difficulties are signs that the child is really happier and less afraid and on his way to making real relationships in the Nursery School, she may be worried and think she is not handling the child wisely, or that she ought to be more severe. She may also need reassurance when the child settles down and appears not to want her so much, or even, because of his growing confidence, refuses her friendly advances. She has a right to know that these things are a sign that she has given real help and that the child is therefore able to make approaches to other adults and children.¹

However well the child has ‘settled’, he will at times need personal attention and then the adults should give it generously. The quality of the attention is often much more important than its duration. To give full and willing attention for a very few minutes will often satisfy a child for a long time, whereas a half-hearted, unwilling and cursory response may lead a child to show demanding behaviour for a long period. The most difficult child often shows very marked improvement, in many and often unexpected ways, once he is convinced that he is really loved and is able to give pleasure by his presence. One such child who was always getting into trouble overheard his teacher say, in humorous irony, ‘Where is Ralph? I can’t be happy if I haven’t got him’, and took the remark literally. For several days he would sometimes come up to her saying, ‘You’ve got me now’. She had the wisdom to respond with warmth and pleasure and, after a few days, he settled down to much happier and more harmonious behaviour. It is often surprising to find how much improvement, at this early age, can result from what the busy teacher often feels are such small crumbs of personal affection, all that her time allows her to give to a child who is hungry for love.

During the years from two to five, the child is struggling with many problems of adjustment to a world which is often perplexing and which makes great demands upon his selfcontrol. He often feels jealous when he has to share the attention of loved people who are at times preoccupied with each other or with other children. Parents often comment on how delightfully the child will behave with either of them alone and how difficult he can be when both are together. The child may find it easier to tolerate and accept such situations in the Nursery School, where the adults are of less profound importance to his feelings, but whenever he really loves, the problem has always to be expected.

He faces a similar problem, too, when he forms a friendship for another child and a third child intervenes. He often feels guilty about the jealous anger, particularly when his desire for a loved person’s sole attention makes him feel hatred towards another and he sometimes tries to compensate for this by solicitude for the person he rejected. With the calm and steady affection of wise adults he gradually learns that he can share loved people without losing their love and that fantasies that his hostile wishes will do real harm or lead to rejection are not in fact fulfilled. This is another reason for the need of a firm but loving control, which will reassure him that we can protect ourselves and him, and which will in the end help him to be better able to tolerate and control his own feelings.

Another problem which children are facing at this stage, is that of their relative helplessness as compared with adults and older children, and it is a matter of great reassurance to them that they can learn to do many good and useful things to help the grown-up people and other children. They discover thus that not only we but they, too, can give good gifts and help to repair damage, clear away mess, and comfort and protect younger children. It is very desirable for Nursery School teachers to encourage and appreciate these efforts of the child but it is seldom wise to demand them. Helping to clear away a mess made by the child himself, toys he has scattered on the floor, for example, should, as he becomes capable of it, be regarded as a duty and if necessary demanded, but he should not be forced to perform personal services or to give his own toys to other children. Coercion in these matters is likely to stimulate an ungenerous attitude. The fostering of generosity comes from appreciation of services rendered and kindness shown, even when gifts are not entirely pleasurable objects from the adult’s point of view and well-meant attempts to help are, in fact, rather a hindrance. One of the values of Nursery School life to young children, however, is that there are so many occasions when they can really give acceptable help and exploit their desire for power and mastery in ways which are desirable, or at least harmless.

Another matter in which we have progressed in Nursery School practice is that we are less concerned now with routine tasks of helpfulness and formal ‘good manners’ and more concerned with responding to the child’s spontaneous expressions of good feeling. We are more inclined to ask for volunteers to help and less apt to impose such things as routine exercises. We no longer expect a child to sit with his dinner cooling in front of him until every child is served and see no particular value in insisting mechanically on the words ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you’, though we use these ourselves and find the children are quick to pick up the expressions from us. It would be impossible for a child whose feelings for others were good and friendly not to acquire what are fundamental good manners, and minor matters of pleasant and courteous etiquette are ‘better caught than taught’. Such things can be suggested to children (if they have not acquired them spontaneously) when they are a little older and interested in acquiring the skill of behaving in ways accepted by grown-ups.

What is to be avoided, at this early age, is to cause resentment and irritation by insisting on matters which have no motive which the child can understand and to make what should be sincere expressions of kindness and helpfulness into matters of dreary and mechanical conformity. We do not want to sacrifice the greater values to the lesser. In extreme cases of insistence on conventional table manners, for example, a child can lose what is much more important—his appetite for food. By the end of the Nursery School period he will easily have learnt to use table implements appropriately, but it is unwise to insist on it too early. Susan Isaacs’ instance of a small child saying in bewilderment, ‘Why won’t people do nothing if people don’t say nothing?’ is a vivid reminder of how puzzling an insistence on the mysterious word ‘please’ can appear to the very young child.¹ One child said to her mother, ‘Do you mind if I have another piece of cake?’ to which her mother replied, ‘Say “please”’. Her father murmured, ‘After all “Do you mind?” is very like saying “Does it please you?”’. It is an interesting question whether, in such a case, the child’s behaviour was not more polite than the mother’s! Another instance of bad manners from adults, of which we used to be guilty in Nursery School, was the practice of interrupting the child’s spontaneous communication to us by requiring him to pronounce one of the words correctly. If we feel the need to help the young child to achieve better pronunciation, more vigorous use of the lips, etc., they sometimes enjoy joining in saying rhymes and jingles, but the best way of helping them to learn good speech is to let them hear it. The flow of language and mastery of words, which spring from the joy of communicating, may suffer a severe set-back if correct speech is required too early. Children will learn such things more easily at a later stage. In any case, the most we shall ever do for children with a strong dialect acquired at home, is to give them a second language of standard English, which they can use when required. Many older children speak one language at home and another at school, but at the Nursery School age the business of acquiring fluency in the use of language is of far greater importance and the key to good language development is a good social relationship.

As children develop friendly relations with each other much conversation arises between them. At first the motive of the young child may be chiefly that of making his...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Half Title
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Original Title Page
• Original Copyright Page
• Table of Contents
• Preface
• Introduction
• 1. Young Children and their Feelings
• 2. Interest in other Children
• 3. Learning and Thinking
• 4. Play and Mental Health
• 5. Parents and their Children’s Problems
• 6. Preparation for Nursery School Teaching
• 7. The Influence of the Nursery School upon the Infant School
• 8. The Future of Nursery Schools
• Books Recommended
• Appendix : The Need for Nursery Schools