Squad Goals

Michelle Payne

• Publisher: Salamander Street Ltd.
• Year: 2021
• ISBN:
  9781914228087
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Drama
• Index: Literature

Everyone has football fever, but not in the usual way. England's Lionesses are tearing up the pitch and making a real name for the female game. Lexi, who never had the opportunity to be taken seriously, inspires a group of school leavers to redefine the game in her home town of Dagenham.

Squad Goals is a brand new immersive experience from Caspa Productions. The show had its world premiere at Dagenham & Redbridge Football Ground in September 2020 as a socially distanced, outdoor, immersive experience, before being closed due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

'Packed with humour and charm' The Stage????

Act 1

SCENE 1

AUDIENCE: PINK & BLUE WRISTBANDS

LOCATION: AWAY STAND

CHARACTERS: LEXI, MEL, AMANDA

Enter LEXI into the stands with the audience. She mingles. Are you trialling too? etc etc.

MISHA’S MUM V/O: Welcome to Dagenham & Redbridge Football Club for our Women’s Community Football Day. You have forty-five minutes to choose your teams and get registered to play in the matches. We hope you enjoy yourself today and let’s hear it for the girls!

MEL cuts through the cheers.

MEL: Lex!

LEXI: Did my mum send you?

MEL: No.

LEXI: Mel?

MEL: Okay yes, she said final year of A Levels, you gotta knuckle down.

LEXI: It’s a strong no from me.

MEL: Lex, you make me die.

LEXI: (impression of mum) Lexi, no football and I mean it this time, I don’t want it to be like GCSE year all over again.

MEL: GCSE year when you were trialling at Fulham.

LEXI: Init tho. And I smashed my GCSEs. She’s just being bare strict.

MEL: Yet here we are.

LEXI: Too right we are, hun. I’m buzzing. You’re trialling with me, right?

MEL: No.

LEXI: C’mon.

MEL: You c’mon, we should head back.

LEXI: Not in front of my new mates, Mel.

MEL: I’m scared of your mum.

LEXI: Aren’t we all. And at least we’ll get told-off together.

MEL: I want to be a professional dancer, what happens if I get injured?

LEXI: Goalies almost never get hurt.

MEL: Petr Cech, 2006.

LEXI: Oh but he was fine.

MEL: He wears a head brace!

LEXI: You’ll be fine. I’ll protect ya anyway.

MEL: What am I gonna say to your mum?

LEXI: Just turn your phone off.

MEL: I’m supposed to be bringing you home!

LEXI: Is that in your official capacity of next-door-neighbour?

MEL: You’re gonna be in so much trouble.

LEXI: Next-door-neighbour, roles and responsibilities?

MEL: Stop it!

LEXI: Okay. How was college?

MEL: Lex.

LEXI: (imitating Mel) I just love the THEATRE. What’s that song you sing? (bad impression of Mel) “I’m all on my own”

MEL: It’s just “on my own”. Not “I’m all on my own” ya weirdo.

LEXI: You still got the best voice though?

MEL: I mean yeah, there’s a girl who’s well jealous cos I keep getting given the top line harmony part.

LEXI: Not a clue what that means but sounds sick.

MEL: How was your day?

LEXI: Still wishing Mum had let me drop politics. I’m the only girl in the class, everyone looks at me like I’m thick when I engage. So I’m just gonna stop.

MEL: What!? No Lex! What the hell?

LEXI: No one’s gonna listen to a little girl from Essex are they?

MEL: I do.

LEXI: Then you’re gonna stay and trial with me?

MEL: (to audience) Oh my god, this girl.

LEXI: It’s actually so sick of Misha to host this community football day.

MEL: Her mum organised it you know?

LEXI: Naa, what, really?

MEL: Yeah. Some “soccer mom” issues going on there.

LEXI: Wish my mum was into what I was into.

MEL: Your mum is normal and cares about you a lot.

LEXI: Misha’s mum has arranged a whole day to play football!

MEL: Do you think Misha’s still a bitch?

LEXI: Na...

Table of contents

• Front Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Contents
• Pre Show
• Act 1
• Act 2