Put Yourself Out there

10 Mind-Hacks to Elevate Your Presence and Increase Your Influence

Jane Anderson

• Publisher: Jane Anderson P/L
• Year: 2021
• ISBN:
  9780648048978
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Careers

The World is Changing... Fast

There used to be a saying that "good things come to those who wait", but times have changed. The pace of change, the rise of social media, video, podcasting and creating your own platforms have meant our access to information and ability to get in front of the right people has exploded. There is now a level playing field. It's time to step up, stand out and put yourself out there.

Fear of Rejection, the Imposter and Comparison Holds Back Greatness

The pace of change means it's impossible to keep up to date with algorithms and platform technology. It's not about the mechanics of these platforms and how to use them that holds us back. What's really going on is the fear of being judged, the fear of rejection, fear of being found out, not being good enough and the fear of failure that is really getting in the way.

It's time to Put Yourself Out There

Whether you want to work with dream clients, ask someone on a date, apply for that job, share your ideas or create a social following, Jane shares the top 10 Mind-Hacks that she has used with thousands of clients to help them find the courage to put themselves out there, and how you can apply them, too.

CHAPTER 1

Why Putting Yourself
Out There Matters

“It’s very hard to put yourself out there,
it’s very hard to be vulnerable, but those
people who do that are the dreamers,
the thinkers and the creators. They
are the magic people of the world.”

– Amy Poehler

It was 2010 and I had just gone through a separation from my ex-husband, moved back to the city from my parents’ place and achieved a new job. I was just starting to find my independence and had even started dating again. Everything was going OK.

And then things started to go downhill. I found myself in an abusive relationship, and I actually ended up in a situation where I had post-traumatic stress disorder from what was happening in that relationship. And it was really the lowest time in my life.

I began to have a fear of crowds, and I felt paranoid that something bad was going to happen all the time. I had recurring flashbacks and had lost all emotion. I lost empathy and sympathy, and I lost interest in everything else going on in the world. I was kind of like a walking corpse. I felt like I had no life, no energy. It felt like the lights were on but nobody was home.

My parents were very concerned, and I did try to look after myself and get myself back on track, but it just didn’t seem to be working. I remember talking to my parents at one point and saying, “I just don’t know that I’ll ever get back. I don’t know how I could ever put myself out there again to be able to get a job, to date, to do the things that I love to do. I don’t know if I can even go shopping anymore.”

It was as if I needed to wrap myself in bubble wrap, protecting myself from everyone and everything that could go wrong. I felt fragile and that I could easily break.

This episode of my life forced me to start really thinking about what it is to put yourself out there. I had already put myself back out there once - after my divorce, where I started again and had to rebuild my confidence and life from scratch. But then to lose that confidence again forced me to wonder if I could really do that again. Could I really put myself out there again?

I also started to think about the role of fear and how it takes over and impacts not just our mental health, but also our physical bodies in terms of our stress and sleep. And I started to think about what it was that I would have to do to come back from the worst time in my life. I had been so used to helping people, but I didn’t know if I had the strength to do that again. But of course, ultimately, I did.

I want my story to inspire you to know that, regardless of where you are in your journey, you are capable of putting yourself out there. Whether you’re currently quite comfortable with putting yourself out there and just want to get better at it, or maybe you’re like I was and starting all over again. Maybe your confidence is really down and maybe you’re trying to find your way back. But wherever you are on that scale, I hear you, I understand, and I’ve been there.

I’ve gone from trying to completely hide (emotionally and physically) right through to really finding my own way of being able to put myself out there. And, as I said earlier, this is not something that came naturally or easily to me at all. I’m naturally an introvert and I don’t particularly enjoy putting myself out there at the best of times, let alone following on from an abusive relationship. I’m not a “centre of attention” person, but I love encouraging people and helping them find their confidence to do that as well.

Putting Yourself Out There: What is it, and why does it matter?

There used to be a saying that “good things come to those who wait”, but times have changed. The pace of change, the rise of social media, video, podcasting and creating your own platforms have meant our access to information and ability to get in front of the right people has exploded. There is now a level playing field. It’s time to step up, stand out and put yourself out there.

But the reality is that only around 1% of people actually create online profiles, write content, share their ideas and chase what they want. You need to be part of that 1%.

Putting Yourself Out There is about marketing you and your business or career. It’s about developing your reputation and consolidating your impressions so that you are showing the world what you want to be known for. In short, it’s teaching you how to self-package your values for your audience. This is something that, as a personal branding expert, I’ve been helping people do for the last 25 years.

But why does it matter?

Trust inspires your employees and your community. Trust reassures your customers and clients. Trust also makes your business a success. Trust is perhaps more important today than it’s ever been before. Today we’re buying services and products from people we’ve never met, in locations we’ve never been to. Trust is what lets us have confidence in undertaking those transactions.

Why We Don’t Put Ourselves Out There

Nick Barnsdall is my good friend and co-founder of our business, the Business Ignite Project. He’s also a business consultant, the author of Better Business Better Life and the founder of the Navig8biz Community. He runs webinars and online courses and hosts the Better Business Podcast. But 10 years ago he was a CEO with a strong aversion to personal branding.

You see, 10 years ago Nick would have laughed if you’d told him that someday he would be out in front of an audience, with a strong personal brand behind him. At the time he was highly reluctant to put himself out there, and he certainly didn’t want to be in the spotlight. But he needed to get out and reach people. So, he wrote his first LinkedIn profile.

It worked and people liked him. They trusted him. He realised that through these channels he could build his audience, earn their trust and expand his influence. That meant that he was able to reach people, and speak to them about his business and opportunities. Since then Nick has built 34 companies, is the owner and director of 13 companies and his businesses generate over $100 million each year.

We’re Less Noisy Than People Think

People are often held back from really putting themselves out there for fear of being thought ‘noisy’ or ‘annoying’. It is possible to be both of those things, but only if you aren’t working from a place of authenticity with a focus on providing value to your community. If you don’t engage authentically, you’ll certainly disappear into that noise. Here’s an example.

10 years ago when I first started writing copy for newsletters and websites and social media, I had one really big fear. My fear was the unsubscribe button. I would hold back from writing what I wanted to say, from the consistency of sending a newsletter every week, from posting something on social media every day because I had a fear of being annoying. I had a fear that I was being too noisy and that people perhaps wouldn’t agree with what I would say. They don’t want to engage with what I’m writing. They don’t agree with me.

As a result, my writing became vanilla. It became watered down. I couldn’t engage with anyone because I was trying to engage with everyone. The irony was that when I would send something, people did start unsubscribing because they had forgotten who I was.

Today I see people facing the same challenge. But when you give into the fear of being too noisy, you do yourself more harm than good. People then really will start unsubscribing simply because you have not created a memorable, engaging personal brand. If you’re not adding value and they don’t miss you, then why would they bother continuing to subscribe to your newsletter?

The reality is that we’re less noisy than we think we are, and people are paying less attention than they really are.

The Confidence Scale

When I first start working with clients, I typically find that they’re somewhere along a sliding confidence scale when it comes to putting themselves out there. This sliding scale goes from the lowest level, a level one, or “actively hiding”, all the way through to level five of, “putting yourself out there”.

Level One - Actively Hiding

If you’re at level one, this is where you are actively trying to camouflage yourself. Your focus is to blend in and not be noticed. This may be okay for a little while. Maybe you just need to regain your energy. This is what happened to me. In my case I really needed to try and find my way to be able to get my energy back and overcome some of the traumas that I’d experienced.

So, it’s OK for a little while, but you can’t stay there forever. You’ve got to find a way to come out from hiding. When you’re in hiding, your courage is obviously at the lowest it probably will ever be, and opportunities are not coming your way. To start moving out of this, the trick is to find your place and sense of safety and trust first. You don’t have to push yourself, but you do have to ease back into your comfort zone.

Level Two - Passively Waiting

Once you feel safe and secure, then you can start to move into what I call passively waiting. Passively waiting is this comfort zone. It’s this space where you’re just thinking, “Oh, well, I’m not going to use up too much energy. I’m not going to use up too much stress. I’m not going to put myself out there. Things will come along but I’m not going to try too hard. And in fact, I’m not even going to waste any mental bandwidth on it”.

In terms of the courage that you’ve got, you’re probably sitting at about 10% of what’s possible for you when you’re passively waiting. It’s very low energy and that’s OK for a short amount of time. But the problem is if you stay here then things aren’t going to happen, or if they do, it will be at a very slow, haphazard pace. So if you want things to happen and change, then you have to level up.

Level Three - Hoping and Wishing

The next level is what I like to call hoping and wishing. Hoping and wishing is kind of like the Dusty Springfield song, where you are hoping and wishing and praying and dreaming. In terms of putting yourself out there, this is where you’re actively doing some things. They’re still within your comfort zone, but you’re giving yourself a chance and believing that there’s a chance you’ll succeed.

As an example, this would be like buying a lotto ticket. You’re buying a ticket and you’re giving yourself a chance, but you’re not out there really trying that hard.

My good friend and mentor Keith Abraham says, “Hope is not a strategy”. And when you sit in this area you may think you’re putting yourself out there, but your actions don’t substantiate that thinking. So, it’s very unlikely that things will change while you’re here.

Hoping and wishing can feel quite safe because on the one hand you’re giving yourself a bit of a chance, but on the other you’re not really that committed. You’re not really trying that hard. It’s a little bit half-assed.

Level Four - Asking and Sharing

So, to really be able to start putting yourself out there, the next step is to shift from hoping and wishing to asking and sharing. Asking and sharing really means that you have a focus and a shift from chance to courage. This takes bravery. It takes courage to go out and ask for what you want. But the thing is you don’t have to be doing it all the time. It’s really just getting in and having a go.

Asking is not only asking what you want, but also how can you help? What can you do? It’s also being generous and finding ways to share what it is that you can do or share what it is that you’ve got and how you can help people.

There’s a real shift here from attention in to attention out. You’re asking yourself, and those around you, “What can I do to serve?” My good friend and a client in our community, Renee Giarrusso, is a sales expert. I was lucky enough to interview her many years ago and during that interview I asked her, “What is the secret to being so good at selling?” She was and is an exceptional salesperson. She said, “ In my mind I’m just sharing things. I’m just trying to help and see if what I’m sharing would be useful?” That conversation gave me a lot of confidence about how to improve my own...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Copyright
• Acknowledgements
• Contents
• Introduction
• Chapter 1 Why Putting Yourself Out There Matters
• Chapter 2 How to Build the Mindset of Putting Yourself Out There
• Chapter 3 The Four Derailers That Hold Us Back From Putting Ourselves Out There
• Chapter 4 Mind-Hack #1 – Get Your Glasses On
• Chapter 5 Mind-Hack #2 – Opportunities are Everywhere
• Chapter 6 Mind-Hack #3 – Crush Comparisonitis
• Chapter 7 Mind-Hack #4 – Fly With Eagles
• Chapter 8 Mind-Hack #5 – Celebrate Your Nos
• Chapter 9 Mind-Hack #6 – Embrace Your Uniqueness
• Chapter 10 Mind-Hack #7 – Be Vulnerably You
• Chapter 11 Mind-Hack #8 – It’s Not All About You!
• Chapter 12 Mind-Hack #9 – Get Comfortable with Discomfort
• Chapter 13 Mind-Hack #10 – Be a Trailblazer
• In closing
• Endnotes
• Work with Jane
• Read more of Jane’s work
• Back Cover