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- 96 pages
- English
- ePUB (mobile friendly)
- Available on iOS & Android
eBook - ePub
Head Girl
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About This Book
'The first time I read Freya's work I thought... uh oh. And then I thought, you have got to be kidding me. And then I thought, God fucking dammit. And then I walked around the house shaking my head thinking... OK ā alright. And then ā finally ā I thought, well well well ā like a smug policeman. Listen ā she's just the best. I'm going to say this so seriously. She is, unfortunately, the absolute best. Trying to write a clever blurb for her feels like an insult to how right and true and deadly this collection is. God, she's just so good. She's the best. She kills me always, every time, and forever.' āHera Lindsay Bird
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Yes, you can access Head Girl by Freya Daly Sadgrove in PDF and/or ePUB format, as well as other popular books in Literature & Poetry. We have over one million books available in our catalogue for you to explore.
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HOUSE RULES
you canāt give me a kiss while Joy Division is playing ..... and tell me youāll tear ..... me ..... apart ..... and then unfollow me on Instagram .................... you canāt keep doing hot things like ..... blinking ....................you canāt invite me over and introduce me to your damn hens ..... if they are not all named after me .................... you canāt seduce me upon my return from hospital .................... you canāt play a jaunty tune on your pan pipes when I am trying to masturbate .................... you canāt go around not telling everyone you see ..... including strangers ..... about me .................... you canāt bounce on a trampoline ..... with a torch jammed in your crotch ..... and call out to me does yours glow like mine .................... you canāt jump out of a hedge in front of me ..... on a country road ..... and not have me fall in love with you .................... you canāt remember my name .................... you canāt stamp on my face ..... even though it is right there .................... do not give me food or a ride in your car .................... you canāt introduce me to your friend ..... and have them compliment my smile with a resigned look .................... you canāt change my life .................... you canāt take my arm in yours and take me home via a glow worm cave ..... that is just not right .................... you canāt trivialise my psychiatric condition ..... oh wait ..... yeah you can .................... you canāt make me feel special for more than twenty-four hours or youāll trigger the alarm .................... in this house we know that to drive away a boy ..... is effortless
I USED TO BE HEAD GIRL OF MY HIGH SCHOOL AND NOW I AM A MASSIVE CUNT
my high school boyfriend told me about his depression on a berm
the berm was in Karori where 35 percent of berms are
I burst into tears with real human efficiency
and then I got depression too out of empathy or fomo
I got asthma the same way when I was five years old
kicking the back of the passenger seat : me too actually I have that too
I started taking lithium because some lady wrote about it on the internet
and it sounded cool but then lithium made me fat
I totally wouldnāt care except my boobs have started oozing
over the top of my bra like fart putty with two fingers in it
and I cannot afford a new bra
look I canāt help being a go-getter
if life shoves a walnut through your ribs itās your destiny
to go get more walnuts itās the story of my success
just take a look at me now
now I have ten to twelve walnuts in and around me
cleverly disguised as corks on a traditional Australian outback hat
but actually taking up a lot of my field of vision
in each of them I have carved one little word : cunt
and I go around I just go around I just go around and around
and they are whirring in my face but I donāt let it get me down
Iām just going around and around
wearing a pink dress and laughing directly to camera
IN SHREK WHEN FIONA SAYS ā THIS IS NOT DIGNIFIED ! ā
I remember taking a shit once in Year One
and my two best friends demanded to come look at it afterwards
ā disgusting ! ā they remarked
I was embarrassed but also pleased
I have carpet burn on my knees
which I hate now that I am finally a woman
I hate the way I look up at boys..... I say
to my friends at a cool sleepover wiggling my brows
they are impressed I can tell
every time I try to wink I go cross-eyed
which is a difficult thing to build your sexuality around
but everyone loves and appreciates it like thin hamā
that thin Italian ham
but my fingernails ha
no one loves and appreciates my fingernails
and my rumpus room is filled with old meat
and my breath..... my breath comes in and out of my mouth
but I got tactics like : yeah easy
you just shove a tube down the throat of any silence
and shout right into it itās a cool way to chat
and you can dance in someoneās lap
ugh can you just humour me though I have like , bad self-esteem
so I really need you all balls deep in love with ya girl
o fate you inhumane bastardā
stick my face in the heat of the moment and rub it around
like a dog in piss
so I can never lean in for the kiss
allow me instead to climb into my steamroller
and drive it slowly over the elastic blister of my feminine powerā
make it burst and shower lymph on the gathering crowds
YOU BETTER JERK BITCH
emotions are sacred to boys :
you mustnāt take them in vain
I mean I mustnāt say things like : I love.....
to imagine you glancing up from our Facebook chatā
smiling at Kate dropping your phone on a pile of clothesā
peeling off her jeans
I love to imagine you going slowly down on Kateā
making Kate feel really..........unique
I mustnāt say that
I mustnāt say I really love the way you glance both ways
before kissing me in the street
I intend to come to your birthday party and
fucking flirt with your cousinā
bend over you at a tableā
make you clear your throat like a dumbass teenager
but you wonāt because you are just
dripping with self-control
dude I bet you practise magic tricks alone in your room
or I want to bet you practise magic tricks alone in your room
Iād like to see you on your knees
crawling to me Iād like to see you recognise your error
or at least stop trusting your gut
otherwise weāll never get anywhere
no one else in my life is fascinated by you
but if you are ordinary and you donāt even worship me
then I must be mistaken about being a god
and I know Iām not
BAD SEX IN BIG SUBURBS
what will you give up for closeness honey bun
you can get anyone onside with enough booze
and ruthless gentleness people are gagging for a little kindness
people will kill for sympathy these are the seasons of mists baby
and Iām in business Iām a life coach
and I say letās get drunk among your family compose six texts
to your gap-filler crush
and s...
Table of contents
- Cover
- Title
- Copyright
- Dedication
- Contents
- HUMAN EVOLUTION
- 1
- 2
- 3
- TURDUCKEN
- ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS