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After moving to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, poet Sara Ryan found herself immersed in the isolated spaces of the North: the cold places that never thawed, the bleak expanses of snow.These poems have teeth, bones, and bloodâthey clack and bruise and make loud sounds. They interrogate self-preservation, familial history, extinction, taxidermy, and animal and female bodies.In between these lines, in warm places where blood collects, animals stay hidden andhunted, a girl looks loneliness dead in the eye, and wolves come out of the woods to run across the frozen water of Lake Superior.
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III
There is a girl inside.
She is randy as a wolf.
âLucille Clifton
Wolf Question
letâs remember the hollowness
inside. what once took her blood and grew.
on Isle Royale on Lake Superior, wolves
dance with moose and try to live
through the winter. fifty wolves
slowly becomes two. the wolves die. we forget them.
and her hands chafe and crack.
she loses no daughters and loves
nothing that will hurt or kill
her. when she moved to the Upper
Peninsula, she thought there would
be more wolves. she never sees one.
In Praise of the Exoskeleton
the ability to stay entirely untouched.
unscavenged. unhaunted by the other
bodies inside your own. once, pavement
split me right down the middle. I learned
my blood and its spread. the lengths
my skin went to in its healing. the way I lost
and lost and came backâbright. pink. new.
when men tell me what to think of my body,
I pull my bones around me like a slick jacket
of white. harder this way. rigid and resistant.
ready for rocks. there are mechanics to this
method. to becoming a shell and staying soft
underneath. thereâs failure, too. in the scales
I develop in direct sunlight. in the cracks
that let the light in. the superglue that wonât hold
me. the doctor told me I will never grow taller
and I said, thatâs fine. people always see me
as taller than I am. I am elastic energy.
when youâre not looking, I am a swarm of locusts.
when you touch me, it sounds like thunder.
Parenthood
when I see the small bead
of blood on my catâs nose
I am shocked and I donât know
why because I know what she
is made of. her blood and
fur and redness and bone.
but the way her skin
opened up to claw. the blood
dripping on the carpet. my other
cat snarling from the wingback
chair. her teeth sharp and
white and taking over her
sweet face. how the little
animal body puffs up with
hate, with sound and low
rumbling noises. my human
skin buckling, too. all that
blood churning underneath.
Extinct
the Eyewitness Book of fossils and the lost skeleton
invertebrates and spine and the footprint of
the mummified frog. the horse tooth.
banded flint. problematicaâ what cannot be classified
in a series of bone. amber and soft sediment. most
years, I am thankful to be seen. the favorable
circumstance of disappearance. memory is
a man I do not know. not a soft soil I have
tasted under my tongue. today, it is the pounding
of a nail. the sweet breath of a bat. a hummingbird.
please, I need you to be conifer wood. ringlets of
growth and height. the fossilized sequoia and all the
redwoods and the dawn. at once. be the black
gold of an oil slick. be a bone museum
on the beach of a desert. be eating the sun.
Cuffing Season
see âurge,â see âhow to know if something has bitten you.â
wait for the cold to come. wait until your bed is glacial enough
to take the down blanket out of the closet. your friend
laughs and says itâs cuffing season but she really wants to say:
any love you feel right now isnât love, but a yearning
for warmth. remember what you looked like at twenty-one.
you were so different then. so hopeful. unsure of your shoulders.
you were nothing. you were wanting for winter. for snow.
everything in the before. you left the dead behind and knew it. left
everything to wolves. you believed in no one. you were young.
you had plenty of time. you went west. you let your car run into rust.
you looked back and laughed when the wind called your name.
now, you convince yourself you know this placeâyou name it an animal.
softness beneath your feet. large empty sounds carved from the air.
the plateau stretches out forever. like metalâdull sheets of gold.
you remember the trees more than anything. the shade. the shadows
they threw across the earth. rocks, wilds, and woods. your body
shoved into fog. between the barn and trees and brooks and birds.
this is the river where your love died. when you burned it, the fire
curled up. your mouth was open and warm. you were so different then.
The Lizard That Lived Forever
I hate to say that I dream about men, but I do. about men who have gone off and married other girls. moved to other colonial houses in Virginia. it is like strapping the tree branch to my bicycle and riding until I become concrete.
*
Monday drew a circle around me and lit it on fire. Wednesday learned my name and spit it onto my lap.
*
I scrub an opal earring with a wire brush and it turns to gold in my hands. I have dug it out of a dead womanâs pink jewelry box. I was born in October, and I feel like I need to polish all of the opals that ever existed.
*
this morning, a man walks into the store where I work ...
Table of contents
- Cover Page
- Title Page
- Copyright Page
- Dedication
- Contents
- Self-Portrait as Mammal
- I
- II
- III
- IV
- Acknowledgments
- About the Author