Hope with Anxiety

A self-help guide for those affected and their families, friends and carers

Lynn Crilly

• Publisher: Hammersmith Health Books
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9781781611814
• Topic: Desarrollo personal
• Subtopic: Superación personal

Anxiety is a familiar word, one which seems hard to escape in today's busy world. It affects more than 280 million people worldwide from all walks of life, and can be a completely debilitating and isolating mental illness. In this new book, Lynn Crilly brings her warm, non-judgemental, family-friendly approach to bear on a the rising tide of contemporary anxiety, exacerbated by political and economic uncertainty, climate change, social media and a world that is being transformed ever more rapidly. She looks at how anxiety manifests, how it relates to other mental health problems and what the many options are for treatment and restoring well-being. As ever, she draws on a wide range of health practitioners to explain therapeutic options - both mainstream and alternative - and thereby provide a truly varied toolkit with something for every individual to try. Throughout, case histories support, confirm and illustrate the practical information, always with the emphasis on hope for leading a fulfilled life unconstrained by the effects of anxiety.

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Chapter 1

What is anxiety?

‘Anxiety’ is a familiar word, one which can seem hard to escape from in today’s busy world. We may hear that anxiety is ‘on the rise’, that we are raising a generation of ‘anxious’ children or that our constantly ‘switched on’ way of life is leading to a more anxious state of mind. But what does that really mean? What does anxiety actually feel like, and what effect is it having on the way we live our lives? Is it a by-product of modern life that some people are inevitably saddled with or is it a severe mental health condition which can be overcome?

So, what is anxiety?

Anxiety, in its clinical sense, is defined as a feeling of unease, worry or nervousness. However, in reality it is much more than that. It is a deep-rooted, debilitating and destructive mental illness that affects both the sufferer and their carers alike. Once well established, the severity of this dreadful illness and the tormented misery it rains down on the sufferer can destroy relationships and ruin the lives of not only the person suffering but also everyone around them.

The word ‘anxious’ is actually derived from the Latin word ‘angere’, meaning to strangle or to choke. This feeling of physical distress is a common symptom felt by those suffering 2from anxiety. Some may describe anxiety as ‘being trapped in quicksand; the more you struggle to free yourself of the thoughts, the worse they get’, others as ‘an inner scream they want to let out, but feel as though they are paralysed’, or even as ‘a swarm of bees constantly buzzing around in your head, leaving you unable to think clearly and rationally’.

Anxiety can change a person’s way of thinking, their feelings and/or their behaviour. This can cause the person high levels of distress and difficulty in being able to function mentally, and sometimes physically too. Individuals who have an anxiety disorder may not always look as though they are ill, particularly if their symptoms are mild. However, some sufferers may show more obvious and explicit physical signs (see page 32).

Together, anxiety and depression are two of the most common mental illnesses and are thought to affect around one in five of the British population at some point in their lifetime.1 Like all mental illnesses, an anxiety disorder does not discriminate and can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, sexuality, ethnicity and/or social background.

An anxiety disorder is a serious mental illness deserving of the same attention and respect as any physical illness, yet sadly, it is often still woefully misunderstood, feared and even trivialised. If we were to break an arm or leg, not only would a doctor know how to fix it, but we would probably receive a lot of sympathy and support from the people around us. This is not the case with an anxiety disorder.

Dave Davies, manager of Frank Bruno, who himself has suffered from anxiety and many of whose family members and clients have suffered from depression, talks about how anxiety and most mental illnesses have been misunderstood for many years:3

My mother worried about everything. I thought at first she was just a concerned parent but anxiety along with depression was ultimately what it was. In the 1960s, if someone was not ‘right’ it was either ignored or explained that the person was having ‘a bad day’.

With anxiety, there is no such obvious cure, and people around the sufferer tend to fear what they cannot see, so they can be inclined to draw away and/or worry that they will say or do the wrong thing. This can be frustrating for someone experiencing anxiety, as they may feel that their condition has not yet been acknowledged or taken seriously, or that the people close to them do not care.

Everyone’s experience of and journey with anxiety are unique to them; anxiety can present itself in many different guises and can be an illness of extremes. For some it may produce an overwhelming force of adrenaline, causing insomnia and lack of sleep, while others may find themselves struggling to stay awake and keep their eyes open due to the constant worry and angst exhausting their body.

For someone suffering in silence it can take an act of great courage and strength to admit to a loved one or a medical professional that there could potentially be something wrong. Once it is all out in the open, it can be such a relief for that person to know they are not going mad and that what they are experiencing is, in fact, a very common mental health issue suffered by millions of people across the globe. The duration for which someone can suffer from an anxiety disorder differs from person to person: in some cases, it can take root and manifest itself for months or even years at a time; in other cases it can pass through like a succession of rainstorms.

An anxiety disorder is rarely a response to a real threat. Rather it is the expectation of a danger which may or may not actually occur. Sometimes that feeling is appropriate to the situation, but 4it becomes problematic when it happens so frequently or disproportionately that it begins to impinge on someone’s life and limits their experiences as a result.

Amy, who went through a period of regular panic attacks and severe anxiety, says:

I would feel worried about absolutely everything, and always something that would seem totally irrational (something I have worried about would be that the earth would fall from beneath my feet).

Anxiety is not simply a 21st-century malady. It has not been born out of stressful commuting, juggling childcare or being constantly switched-on to social media, although all these things can exacerbate it. In fact, its roots go back to our caveman days. Back then, when humans sensed danger, their body would be flooded by a surge of adrenaline that would boost their heart rate sending oxygen shooting to their limbs so they were better equipped to fight their foe or flee from danger – the well-known ‘fight or flight’ response.

What, however, is different today is that the churning stomach or tingling fingers we may feel, or the head-rush of inappropriate panic, is often a disproportionate reaction to a situation which should not hold any extreme danger.

When, in some people, it happens over and over again, the stress acts like a tap dripping into a cup of water. Drip by drip the pressure and worry build up until one day the cup overflows. That is when someone’s anxiety may reach tipping point, their mind and body overloaded by these constant surges of adrenaline, and what started as a few worrying niggles can become a full-blown anxiety disorder.

Garry shares his thoughts on how his anxiety developed:5

I think it’s been a drip, drip rather than a specific incident or set of circumstances.

At its most destructive, anxiety invades the tightest corners of a person’s mind, invisibly and insidiously feeding on their every thought, transforming all the potential joy in life into possible disaster, leaving them unable to achieve peace of mind, and having a huge effect on those around them, from parents to partners, employers to friends.

You may turn to the internet hoping it may help you to understand a bit more, or you may scour articles in the press on the condition; this could find you ending up even more confused and frustrated. As there is so much varied information available through various channels, it is difficult to know what applies to you and your own situation.

Throughout the course of this book, you will discover that as a parent, carer, friend, teacher or work colleague you are not alone. I hope you will learn that some of the mixed thoughts and feelings you and your family may be experiencing, inevitably including concern, worry, sadness, frustration, even resentment and anger at times, are normal and natural; most importantly, I hope that you will arm yourself with a real understanding of your loved one’s illness and discover some of the most effective ways to help them and the rest of the family towards recovery.

From my own experience, one of the most important things I have learnt and would like to share with you at this point in the book, is that, you cannot apply logic to something illogical the same way you cannot apply reason to something unreasonable, and you cannot make sense out of something nonsensical. In other words, ‘you have to accept what is, to enable you to understand’.

My mum, Samantha’s grandma, echoes the above with her feelings throughout our journey:6

In the beginning, I was frightened and useless – after all, it’s a mental illness, an illness that cannot be seen. As a little understanding came about, I felt unsure as to the best way to help. As time went by, with more understanding and acceptance through talking with Sam, ease and more self-assurance and confidence crept in. We have become closer during this long journey, the reason being we can talk as equals and listen and accept. She tells me her thoughts; I tell her mine. We laugh when we say or hear something funny and we hug when it is sad.

Within this book I aim to provide you with the information that I think really matters, with no agenda other than helping you, the reader, to understand some of the different types of anxiety disorder, the signs to look for, and some of the treatment and support options that are available to both sufferers and their carers.

What does anxiety feel like?

Anxiety may be recognised as a state of mind, but its effects can be physical as well as emotional. Think of the word ‘anxiety’ as something of an umbrella term made up of a whole host of symptoms, from which each individual will have a set of feelings that characterise their own anxiety.

For some people ‘anxiety’ means a constantly whirring and worried mind, for others it may mean not being able to leave the house. Some will make others very aware of how they are feeling, while others will keep their difficult feelings to themselves. A number of people may not even realise that anxiety is the underlying cause of their physical symptoms, such as stomach upsets or insomnia.

As the following examples show, anxiety affects people in myriad of ways.

Eve describes how her anxiety makes her feel:7

Anxiety makes me feel like I’m trapped constantly trying to fight off a monster chasing me.

Jo tells us how anxiety makes her feel:

It feels like a sudden overwhelming...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• About the Author
• Acknowledgements
• Foreword
• To cut a long story short…
• Chapter 1: What is anxiety?
• Chapter 2: Types of anxiety
• Chapter 3: Recognising anxiety and seeking treatment
• Chapter 4: A guide to therapies
• Chapter 5: Anxiety and well-being
• Chapter 6: Anxiety and other psychological illnesses
• Chapter 7: Anxiety in the under 25s
• Chapter 8: Anxiety in the home
• Chapter 9: Anxiety in the workplace
• Chapter 10: Anxiety and the online world
• What is recovery?
• Conclusion – From me to you
• Resources
• References
• Index
• Copyright