Pastors Are People Too

What They Won't Tell You but You Need to Know

Jimmy Dodd, Larry Magnuson

• Publisher: David C Cook
• Year: 2016
• ISBN:
  9781434710093
• Topic: Théologie et religion
• Subtopic: Religion

What are your top twenty expectations for your pastor? Now multiply your list by the number of people who attend church with you. Is it any wonder pastors are overwhelmed and underappreciated? They're expected to know every member by name, preach a "home run sermon" every Sunday, condemn sin without hurting anyone's feelings, and be available to serve others 24/7 while not neglecting their own family. The intensity of these expectations and lack of appreciation can and does bring the majority of pastors to a place of despair and ultimately departure from pastoral ministry. This practical field guide offers tangible ways to better understand and care for the pastor who cares so deeply about you.

Chapter 1

Your Pastor Needs a Champion

It Could Be You

Luke is a pastor of a growing, thriving church in New England. He and his wife planted the church fifteen years ago—and the Lord has blessed them. The church has grown to nearly two thousand in attendance. The church just completed their second building campaign, which added a much-needed permanent worship space, allowing the church to move from three services back to two and thus easing the stress on Luke, the worship team, the nursery, and generally everybody! The staff is healthy, the leadership team is comprised of godly leaders who are much more than smart business leaders, and the gospel is preached. All is right with the world, right?

While year fifteen is cause for celebration, the road to their present location has been filled with obstacles, detours, and heartache. Luke has led through the difficult days with grace and zeal, which I have seen in few pastors.

Several months ago Luke came to me in a state of exhaustion. He was discouraged, fatigued, and considering leaving the church to which he and his wife had given their lives. In many ways, Luke’s state of despair made little sense. Many pastors would love to lead a church family with the staff, leadership, and facility of this growing church. Yet, here sat Luke, ready to walk away from it all.

After several hours of talking through Luke’s discouragement, we came to the care that Luke himself was receiving. “Honestly,” Luke said, “I feel as if I go to great lengths to champion my staff. I regularly go to bat for the staff with our elders. I work to get them a generous salary, a healthy benefits package, opportunity for rest, and opportunities for continuing education. I work hard to create a grace-centered environment where everyone is free to take risks and everyone is free to fail. I recently heard someone in the church complaining about our children’s pastor’s work ethic, and I ardently went to her defense, passionately explaining to the person that they have no idea the work going on behind the scenes that no one will ever see. I regularly affirm my staff in front of the congregation. The staff knows with 100 percent certainty that I have their back. All of that is good and right as I believe that a key role I play as lead pastor is to zealously champion my staff. And yet, my heart is discouraged to the point of quitting. The problem is simply this: I don’t have anyone championing me.”

Luke is not alone in his observation. In church after church, I meet with lead pastors who do not feel as if they have a champion. They lack that one person who has made it a personal goal to watch out for them. In Luke’s case, in year three of the church, a financial shortfall nearly caused them to close the doors. Luke reduced his salary by 50 percent, sold multiple personal assets (including his car), and dipped into retirement savings to make payroll—for three months! In other words, Luke gave it all. Yet, when the church reached a place of financial health (in year seven), the sacrifice that Luke and his family had made was all but forgotten. But still, Luke and his family worked to dig out of their deep financial hole, the result of extreme generosity on the part of Luke and his wife. In year ten (seven years after the financial crisis), Luke’s salary had yet to be restored to the level it had been in year three when he voluntarily took the reduction.

The failure to correct Luke’s situation was not an intentional slight. People were not ungrateful for the incredible leadership Luke provided the congregation. If the church had any clue of the financial burden the family was bearing, they would have immediately come to their aid. The problem was the same problem that plagues thousands of congregations when it comes to the care of their pastors. People simply forgot.

The Power of Remembering

Perhaps it’s the world’s greatest excuse—I forgot. I didn’t get you a gift for our anniversary because I forgot our anniversary. I wasn’t slighting you when I missed our date; I simply forgot. Nothing passive aggressive here; I simply forgot to pick you up at the airport. I can relate.

I forget where I put my keys, my sunglasses, and my phone. I forget names, birthdates, and anniversaries (thankfully, never my own). I seldom forget promises because most are made to my children and they love to remind me of my promised commitments. Nearly every website has a place to go if you forget your user name or password. Why? Because people forget! Our minds are overloaded with information and we easily forget.

As followers of Jesus, we need to understand two basic truths: God remembers and we forget. Or, stated another way, God doesn’t forget and we often fail to remember. Over and over again in Scripture we are reminded that God remembers. More than ten times we are told that God remembered His covenant promise to the nation of Israel. Psalm 105:8–11 says,

He remembers his covenant forever,

the word that he commanded, for a thousand generations,

the covenant that he made with Abraham,

his sworn promise to Isaac,

which he confirmed to Jacob as a statute,

to Israel as an everlasting covenant,

saying, “To you I will give the land of Canaan

as your portion for an inheritance.”

Our heavenly Father remembers His children. He remembered Noah (Genesis 8:1; 9:14–16), Abraham (Genesis 19:29; Psalm 105:42), and Isaac and Jacob (Exodus 2:23–25; Leviticus 26:42). God remembered Rachel (Genesis 30:22) and Hannah (1 Samuel 1:19–20), allowing them to conceive. We are told that God remembers the afflicted (Psalm 9:12). Just as powerful are the times when God chooses not to remember. Jeremiah 31:33–34 reminds us that God chooses to remember our sin no more.

The Scriptures encourage believers over and over again to remember. In Jonah 2:7, we read that at his lowest point, when he thought that all was lost, Jonah remembered the Lord. In Luke 17:11–19, Jesus healed ten lepers, and yet only one remembered to return to give thanks. Unquestionably, all were immensely grateful, yet only one expressed gratitude. We need the Holy Spirit because, apart from His work, we would forget the words of Jesus (John 14:26). Perhaps the supreme command for believers to remember came from the lips of Jesus at the Last Supper when He said to celebrate the Lord’s Supper remembering Him (Luke 22:19; 1 Corinthians 11:24).

Luke’s Story Continues

There was more to Luke’s story though. “I felt like I would be viewed as an ungrateful, bitter jerk if I were to bring this up to the elders. Year after year I fought for the staff before the elders with the realization that no one was fighting for me. One year, after the staff had all gone the extra mile during our first building campaign, I asked the elders to consider giving the staff a year-end bonus to thank them for their prolonged service and sacrifice. The elders loved the idea and gave the entire staff a generous year-end financial gift. Everyone that is except me. I kept waiting for one of the elders to say, ‘Wait a minute—we can’t do this for the entire staff and not do this for Luke!’ But those longed-for words never came. While I could feel bitterness growing within my spirit, I couldn’t bring myself to ask for myself what the elders were doing for others. In reality, if the elders had any idea how I felt, they would immediately make up my retirement (which had now been depleted for ten years), restore my salary, and apologize profusely. Yet, it just feels wrong for me to ask. I am reduced to praying that the Lord would give me a champion. One person, just one person in leadership who would make it their mission to look out for me.”

Do the words of Luke strike you as self-serving or narcissistic? You may be surprised to learn that I found Luke to be characterized by grace, love, sacrifice, kindness, and care. Luke’s actions over the past several years had clearly demonstrated that he was anything but an egocentric leader. Luke was absolutely right. The simple fact was that he didn’t have a champion.

Don’t Mess with My Pastor

I had just spoken to a California church and was now meeting with a number of leaders in the church. We went around the room, each person introducing himself or herself and sharing the person’s primary responsibility in the church. One young woman stood up and said, “My name is Carol and I work with the youth ministry.” A middle-age man told me that he was the head of the hospitality team. Weston told me that he served as a part of the story team, using the church website to share people’s stories with a broad audience. Around the room we went. Near the end, Edward, a tall, distinguished-looking, gray-haired gentleman who I would have guessed to be in his late seventies, stood up. With great passion he announced, “I’ll tell you what my job is in this church. If anyone messes with my pastor, I’ll kill ’em.” I love that! I walked over and gave Edward a bear hug. May his tribe increase! To be clear, I doubt Edward would have really killed someone. But his passion to care for his pastor came through loud and clear. Edward went on to explain that if anyone was going to attack the pastor, they were going to need to go through him. He was vehemently devoted to his pastor.

Following the meeting, I approached Edward to learn more of his story. He explained that while he had spent his life in the insurance business, his father had been a pastor. He explained, “Time and time again, I saw my father come home late at night, emotionally beat up by the church board. Following church meetings, he would regularly come through the door with tears in his eyes. My mother would embrace him and then, every single time I can remember, my father and mother would sit on the couch and pray for each member of the board. They would pray for their marriages, their families, their health, and their businesses. Not once in all those years did I ever hear my father bad-mouth his board or talk them down. When my mother would tearfully refer to them as uncaring men, my father would gently calm her down, reminding her that they too were facing struggles of their own.” Edward went on to tell me that he remembered his family enduring intense financial struggles. He recalled many nights his family had precious little food to eat, only to learn from board members’ children the next day at school that they were dining in the nicest of restaurants. When I asked about family vacations, he cheerfully recalled a number of family vacations—all of which involved accompanying his father to a camp where he was the speaker. When I inquired about vacations where his father was 100 percent focused on the family, Edward couldn’t recall a single one. And as a result, he vowed long ago that he would not let that happen to whoever would serve his family in the role of pastor. This wasn’t blind loyalty. Edward assured me he knew of many of his pastor’s faults. And yet, he remained steadfastly committed to guarding his pastor’s back. He was championing his pastor.

Edward’s story is unusual. It is unusual because the story usually has a tragic end. In my years of caring for pastors, their spouses, and their families, I am most grieved when I hear stories of pastors’ children who determine that they will never have anything to do with the church for the rest of their lives because of how they saw the church treat their parents. Unlike Edward, who stayed in the church determined to meet a glaring omission, many simply walk away, embittered, vowing to never again step foot into a church.

Everyone Needs Affirmation

Because I have five children, I have spent more time at back-to-school night than the average parent. Each of these nights includes a visit to my child’s classroom (my wife and I divide and ...

Table of contents

• Foreword by Scott Sauls
• Introduction Why the State of Pastors Should Matter to You
• Chapter 1 Your Pastor Needs a Champion: It Could Be You
• Chapter 2 Twenty-Four-Hour Pastor: Allow Your Pastor to Be a Real Person
• Chapter 3 Pastor Superman: Managing Expectations
• Chapter 4 Capacity: It’s Limited
• Chapter 5 Friendship with Your Pastor: It’s Not for Most
• Chapter 6 Pastoral Compensation: Reflecting God’s Generosity
• Chapter 7 The Pastor’s Spouse: Life in a Minefield
• Chapter 8 The Pastor’s Family: Kids as Collateral Damage
• Chapter 9 Conflict: It’s Inevitable
• Follow-Up What’s at Stake
• Acknowledgments
• Appendix A A Vision of a Healthy Church: A Case Study of Friendswood Community Church
• Appendix B Praying for Your Pastor: Why Is It So Important?
• Appendix C Thirty-Five Practical Ways to Lovingly Support Your Pastor
• Notes
• PastorServe Book Series
• About the Authors