Leading Small Groups in the Way of Jesus

M. Scott Boren

• Publisher: IVP
• Year: 2014
• ISBN:
  9780830896776
• Topic: Théologie et religion
• Subtopic: Ministère chrétien

Is there any arena in the contemporary church more perplexing than small groups? Leaders and participants alike fill them with promises of unparalleled spiritual intimacy and reliable relationship. Experts put forward model after model, paradigm after paradigm, and frustrated small group leaders and followers meander from one to the next in increasingly vain hope that the next model will deliver the goods.What could be more natural than a group of people sitting together, talking? What could be more contrived than a packaged curriculum, with prefab questions and notes for leaders? Such is the problem of small groups.Scott Boren has wrestled with these challenges for years, in the context of his own small-group ministries and in consultation with churches of every stripe. In this book he reminds us that any small group, no matter how it's organized, is at its heart a collection of people each walking in the way of Jesus. That means we are going somewhere—together—and that means we have a reliable guide.

one

The Search for Great Group Leadership

Nothing in this physical world has influenced my life like other people have. As I look back on the steps I have taken with Jesus, I think about friends like Gavin, Jackson, Scott, Terry, Greg, Bryan, Janice and Mary. Mentors like Brenda, Mike, Joey, Alan and Jim come to mind. Those I have mentored like John, Jenny, Phil, Darrin and Mike have affected me more than I affected them. Then of course there is my wife Shawna, who has shaped my life more than anyone.

People have changed who I am. We are shaped relationally. We are not isolated nomads who define ourselves apart from others. We are who we are today in large part because of the shoulders we have rubbed.

As I think about various people who have influenced me, I realize that all of these relationships developed in small group contexts of some kind. One-on-one relationships never occur without some kind of small group horizon as a backdrop. Some groups are formal and organized while others develop informally.

Groups shape who we are. They form us to see the world from a particular point of view, whether we acknowledge it or not. And most of the time we don’t recognize it because groups permeate just about every aspect of our lives. We are born into a small group called a family. We go to school in small groups called classes. We play sports in small groups called teams. We make money in jobs as a part of small groups called departments. Small groups are everywhere.

Through the years I have searched high and low for New Testament commands to join a small group in the church. (This would, after all, help me promote this book.) Try as I might, however, I’ve yet to find that meeting in small groups was ever commanded. Instead, small group life was presumed by the writers of the Bible; it was the normative way of doing things in their culture, just as it has been throughout history. For instance, Hebrews 10:24-25 reads, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

When the author of Hebrews wrote this he was imagining a house church of some kind. He was not talking about attending a church meeting at an official church building at an official church time led by an official church speaker, like we think about today. (Please note that I do not mean this as a judgment against what occurs today in our church buildings on Sundays. I’m only saying that the New Testament mode of operation of church was different.) The author’s imagination about “meeting together” was shaped by the experience of small groups formed in relational, organic ways.

While small groups are never prescribed in the New Testament, they are obviously central to the ministry of Jesus—he primarily ministered to and with a small group of twelve disciples—and that of the early church, whose members primarily met from “house to house” (Acts 20:20). The gospel spreads through small groups. The way of Jesus is a way of small groups.

The question for us is, how do we lead our groups well? And more specifically, when it comes to leading groups of God’s people, how do we lead others in the way of Jesus? Whether it’s a small group, a cell group, a home group, a missional small group, a missional community or a house church . . . whether we meet in a home, in a conference room at our workplace, at a restaurant or even at the church building . . . whether we use a Bible study guide, read a book together, talk about our pastor’s sermon or get together to discuss how God is moving in our life . . . the question for all of us is the same: How do we lead people in the way of Jesus?

My search for answers to this question has been driven by three conversations with leaders who asked these questions of me. All three loved God. All three wanted to serve God in the way they led. They wanted to be great at their jobs in God’s eyes. However, the specific questions that arose during our conversations illustrate three common barriers that can keep us from leading people in the way of Jesus.

THE IDEAL PERSONALITY?

I met Jim for coffee at a local restaurant. He and his wife, Julie, had been a part of the Halls’ group for about four years. When I started overseeing groups at this church, the Halls were repeatedly brought to my attention. Their group was held up as the ideal. And after I got to know them I understood why. They were the kind of people others just wanted to be around: winsome, welcoming, hospitable and wise. They were also fun and giving, and they knew how to pray for others and lead groups to pray for each other. I got to know the Halls very well, and I will be forever grateful for their friendship.

Jim and Julie were grateful also. But they were venturing out and starting a new group, and they expressed concerns. Jim asked something like this: “How can we lead like the Halls? We’re so different from them. We don’t have their infectious personalities. They’re ‘people’ people. We tend to be more introverted. They have lots of life experience. We’re young. They have space to host gatherings. We live in a small apartment that makes it hard to entertain. They just have the right gifts that make for great small group leaders. How do we do what they do?”

Jim’s questions for me that day reflect a common assumption people make about leading groups: that some people are wired to lead well and others are not. Some, like the Halls, have the right mix of personality, spiritual gifts and personal talents that make small group leadership easy. The rest of us must try to be more like them.

I wish I were immune to this assumption. When we see an effec­tive leader it’s tempting to measure ourselves against him or her. Of course, this leads us nowhere except into self-evaluation and, usually, self-condemnation. For the few of us who might be an exception, it can lead to puffed-up pride.

The reality is that Jim and Julie could in no way be like the Halls. And there was no need for them to try. Multiple research projects have demonstrated that no one personality makes for a better leader. No mix of spiritual gifts stands out as being better suited to leading well. In addition, attributes like the leader’s gender, social class, age, marital status and education have no bearing on one’s ability to effectively lead a group.1 Simply put, the Halls are not the ideal model for small group leadership because no such thing exists.

As soon as you or anyone else holds up some kind of predetermined icon of how a group leader should look or act, you will miss the way that God wants to uniquely move through you.

Even worse, a falsely held ideal of leadership hinders us from growing into who God has made us to be as unique individuals. The way another leader leads cannot be duplicated. You are not that other leader. Small group leadership is not about reproducing widget-like leaders who all fall in line with a predetermined ideal. We are called to grow in our ability to be ourselves, to lead out of our identity as uniquely formed children of God. While I can learn from other leaders, I cannot mimic what they do.

THE IDEAL VISION?

The second conversation from my years mentoring small group leaders occurred with a single man in his early twenties named Robert. Robert was probably the most eager and committed leader I ever worked with. He loved his group and spent a lot of energy investing in his members. One afternoon we were sitting at my house going through some basic ideas about group leadership. He asked me a simple question: What should be my focus as a leader? I told him what one of my mentors had told me. Small group leader­ship is simply about having a clear vision for three things: Love God. Love people. Make disciples who love God and love people.

Robert’s eyes lit up. We talked about the Great Commission and the Great Commandment and how focusing on the purposes of the church found therein shape the life of an effective group. He left more focused than ever because he had great clarity of vision. He knew the destination for his group. All he had to do was head in that direction.

Robert lived out the focus on the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. And while I still believe what I told him that day, I’ve since come to realize that having clarity and focus of vision for a group will only get you going in the right direction. It won’t in itself bring about the realization of that vision.

In many cases, vision clarity produces the opposite effect on leaders. Having the right focus can actually be exhausting. Many small group experts have taught over the years that great group leaders must be willing to put ten to fifteen hours per week into the effort. The subtle message has been, “Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get committed to loving people like Jesus told us to do. Just do it! And your group will be great.” In other words, group leaders are expected to work hard, pray hard and put in extra effort to guide people. Since they know what to do, all they have to do is “just do it.”

A just-do-it attitude connected to focusing on the right vision is not really focus at all. It’s a focus on the need to be focused, which is a distraction from the real things that can lead a group to actually accomplish the vision. Take sports as an example—specifically, NFL football. Every team has a goal of winning the Super Bowl. The vision is clear; this is a football player’s Great Commission and Great Commandment. But good teams don’t start the season talking about winning the Super Bowl. Good players and coaches don’t talk about the teams they play down the road. They talk about the next game on the schedule.

The best teams take it a step further. They don’t just think about the next game; they hone in on the job they have to do in each play and what it takes to do that job well. Bill Belichick, head coach of the New England Patriots, preaches the mantra “do your job.” Don’t worry about the game, the outcome of the game or what other players are or are not doing. Do your job in this next play.

As opposed to “just do it,” which assumes that working hard while focusing on the ultimate vision is the crucial aspect of leader­ship, great small group leaders follow the “do your job” approach. The key then is to identify what it means for leaders to do their job so that we participate in the Jesus way. This causes us to shift our attention away from trying to make the Great Commission and Great Commandment happen on to becoming the kind of leaders who participate in God’s activity in the world, which results in the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. The question then is, how do we participate in this?

IDEAL ACTIONS?

A third conversation from my past explores what it means to participate in God’s activity in our groups and in the world. This dialogue occurred within my own soul. This is my story. I’ve had a unique oppor­tunity; while I was in my early twenties, I began helping authors write on this topic as an editor. Behind the scenes I gained a wealth of knowledge about what it means to be a great small group leader.

About three years into this journey, I entered into group leader­­ship at my church with gusto. I’d received the right training. I’d been mentored by an experienced group leader. I’d been involved in groups that flourished. I knew the actions that consistently led groups to live out the Great Commission and the Great Commandment. These included things like

• praying for your group members on a regular basis
• inviting people to your group
• contacting group members
• getting people involved in discussion
• raising up a new leader from within the group
• facilitating fellowship activities

I knew all the leadership actions that had been proven effective and produced results, and I did them. However, my group never came together as a community, and it failed to have any impact on others outside the group, even though everyone had a clear vision for both.

At the same time, I had a friend who was leading another group. He was doing all of the same things I was doing, but his group was flourishing. I wish I could say I rejoiced in his success but, alas, I must be honest—this frustrated me. So I redoubled my efforts. I performed the activities with even greater effort, to no avail.

Over the years I’ve talked with many pastors and group leaders who have confessed similar experiences. And in many cases they assumed that they just hadn’t found the right combination of actions. So they looked for the next group innovation or new way of leading groups to provide a new strategy for leadership. And with this came a new list of actions. We need to figure out a new program. Or meet on a different night. Or study different material. Or take a break and start back up in a couple of months. Or meet as a smaller group. Or meet as a larger group. Or . . . Or . . . I’ve even heard some leaders say they’ve just never figured out the right formula for small groups.

The search for the right leadership formula is the essence of the problem. There is no ideal program that provides the ideal list of ideal actions. Small group leadership is not a franchise model. A standardized approach works for training people at McDonald’s, but small groups are about people, not French fries. God is at work in the world, and God works through relationships. We cannot make a fail-proof list for group leadership. We need more. We need to think in terms of leading so that we discover how to join God in what God is doing in those relationships.

REFRAMING LEADERSHIP GREATNESS

No small group leader I’ve ever met wants to do his or her job poorly. I’ve yet to encounter any who want to be merely mediocre. You are not reading this book because you want to be average or lead a normal group. You want to do your job well. You want a group that lives out the way of Jesus.

To get on this path, small group leaders must move beyond the three common barriers that hinder us. The search for the ideal personality, the ideal vision and the ideal actions will send us off on detours that might look like the way of Jesus but in reality have little in common with it. We need to reframe leadership greatness so that our way of leading begins to reflect the way of Jesus. For this, Jesus does not give us much in the way of vision clarity or specific actions. Instead Jesus specialized in telling stories and using metaphors, one of which can help us see leadership as he did.

THE WAY OF SHEPHERDING

The metaphor of sheep and shepherding is crucial to understanding Jesus’ way of leading. The Bible describes Jesus as the good shepherd (John 10:11). Matthew 9:36-38 reads, “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, ‘The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.’” The interesting thing is that this passage come right after a verse that reads, “Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness” (Matthew 9:35). During the time of Jesus’ ministry on earth, Jesus could not shepherd everyone by himself. He needed others to help him care for the scattered sheep. He needed shepherds who would be with the sheep and guide them in his way.

Likewise, Peter wrote, “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock” (1 Peter 5:2-3).

Most people today don’t have any experience with sheep. However, I grew up tending a flock on my dad’s farm, so I’ve had many conversations in response to the question, “What does it mean for small group leaders to be shepherds?” The original audiences of Scripture would have had a thorough knowledge of sheep and shepherding. Even if they did not have firsthand experience, they knew others who did or they had observed the life of sheep and shepherds in their villages. After all, sheep were as common then as smartphones are today.

The parable of the lost sheep in Luke 15 can help us enter into the imagination of Jesus about leadership. It reads:

Now the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus. But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”

Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” (Luke 15:1-7)

Jesus told parables in response to a situation. In this case, Jesus was eating with ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Contents
• Prelude: From Good Small Group Meetings to Great Group Experiences
• 1 The Search for Great Group Leadership
• 2 Leading in the Way of Jesus
• 3 Hear the Rhythms of the Jesus Way: The First Practice
• 4 Gather in the Presence: The Second Practice
• 5 Lead Collaboratively: The Third Practice
• 6 Be Yourself: The Fourth Practice
• 7 Hang Out: The Fifth Practice
• 8 Make a Difference: The Sixth Practice
• 9 Fight Well: The Seventh Practice
• 10 Point the Way to the Cross: The Eighth Practice
• Conclusion: Living the Story of the Jesus Way
• Acknowledgments
• Notes
• Praise for Leading Small Groups in the Way of Jesus
• About the Author
• The Center for Community and Mission
• More Titles from InterVarsity Press