Difficult Conversations In A Week

How To Have Better Conversations In Seven Simple Steps

Martin Manser

• Publisher: Teach Yourself
• Year: 2014
• ISBN:
  9781471801112
• Topic: Business
• Subtopic: Business Communication
• Index: Business

Difficult conversations just got easier
How do you deal professionally with a colleague whose work is seriously below standard? A supplier who is always late? Saying 'no' graciously? Giving someone bad news? Many of us have been on the receiving end of business conversations that have been badly handled, poorly timed or scarcely prepared for by the person we're talking to. This practical book offers help to new and aspiring managers in a variety of business situations, such as delivering bad news in an appraisal, and how to work with a range of colleagues who may be lazy, negative orincompetent.Whether you choose to read it in a week or in a single sitting, Difficult Conversations In A Week is your fastest route to success: - Sunday: Why are some conversations difficult? We may tend to avoid difficult conversations: how else can you deal with them?
- Monday: Manage your emotions Distinguish the facts of an incident and how colleagues feel about it and their sense of identity.
- Tuesday: Prepare well The venue, atmosphere and timing of a difficult conversation are all important. It is essential that you prepare well, especially your opening words and the direction that you want the conversation to go in, including alternative ways to resolve the issue.
- Wednesday: Listen carefully As you listen, you discover more about your colleague's background and motivation. You also need to learn how to ask incisive questions that get to the root of an issue.
- Thursday: Treat colleagues with respect In a difficult conversation, you need to affirm your colleague and continue to listen until they feel heard. You will explain your point of view politely, yet firmly, being neither passive nor aggressive in tone.
- Friday: Seek change Involve colleagues in a conversation; learn how to deal with certain kinds of colleagues, for example, those who are lazy, aggressive or shy.
- Saturday: Build trusting relationships Work hard to develop strong working relationships, so that when you have to have a difficult conversation, you will be better placed to do sobecause you will know the person better.

As we move closer to the end of our week, we now look at some specific examples of difficult conversations. We’re building on what we have discussed so far about:

• realizing that you need to tackle difficult conversations rather than avoiding them

• managing your own emotions and those of your colleague

• reframing an issue to look at it in a fresh, positive way

• preparing well for your difficult conversation both in terms of the venue, layout of the room, etc., and also your opening words

• listening carefully to discover the core issue

• treating your colleague with respect

• discerning your colleague’s point of view and intentions

• working creatively on possible solutions

• focusing on the goal.

Today we continue to consider your need to be assertive, expressing your viewpoint firmly in a range of situations. Finally, we consider the need to summarize the actions that have been agreed at the end of the conversation so that the whole time has not been wasted.

Performance management

Most companies and organizations have certain procedures in place to consider colleagues’ performance. Such procedures, usually included in your Employees’ Handbook, are commonly known as performance management, but other terms such as ‘performance appraisal’ or ‘coaching development’ are also used.

Appraisals

In an appraisal, a manager meets regularly (e.g. yearly or twice per year) with a member of their team to discuss that colleague’s work. In particular, the manager will consider the colleague’s:

• performance since the last review. What has gone well? What evidence can they show to demonstrate this? Have the goals that were set then been fulfilled? If not, why not?

• possible future development needs. What areas is the colleague weak in and do they need further training? What skills does the colleague need to develop to enable them to make progress in their career? You may gather information about a colleague’s work from other individuals they work with or for, such as fellow team members, subordinates or customers, which is known as 360-degree appraisal. Note that 360-degree appraisal also means that senior managers are appraised by those who work for them.

The general tone of an appraisal is important: I was taught to follow the ‘high-low-high’ method – begin and end with praise and commendation and sandwich in between discussion of an area that has not gone well. A key aim is to get the colleague who is being appraised to talk most of the time. Listen to your colleague’s explanation of such an aspect of their work – there may be certain mitigating factors that have affected it. Remain fair, positive and constructive and tackle weak performance by identifying causes and pursuing appropriate remedies. Your company will have in place certain procedures, for example, capability policy/procedures, if required standards have not been met on a long-term basis.

An appraisal should end by setting objectives. These objectives should be SMART; look back at Tuesday for more details on this.

Making appraisals less difficult

Jack and his colleagues hated the yearly appraisal – the dreaded annual review – so he and his colleagues suggested each member of staff should meet with their boss for an informal one-to-one every month.

The informal one-to-ones meant that difficult issues could be identified earlier and tackled much more quickly before they became serious. For example, Julie’s boss saw that she was really struggling with not only her own workload but also that of a colleague who was on long-term sick leave, so her boss was able to bring in help more quickly. And Peter had been on a really helpful report-writing course, the results of which his boss asked him t...

Table of contents

• Cover 
• Title
• About the Author
• Contents 
• Acknowledgements
• Introduction
• Sunday: Why are some conversations difficult?
• Monday: Manage your emotions
• Tuesday: Prepare well
• Wednesday: Listen carefully
• Thursday: Treat colleagues with respect
• Friday: Seek change
• Saturday: Build trusting relationships
• 7 × 7
• Answers
• Copyright