I Ain't Dumb

Tom Wright

• Publisher: Methuen Drama
• Year: 2022
• Print ISBN: 9781350326422
• eBook ISBN: 9781350326446
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Media & Performing Arts
• Subtopic: British Drama

A tough inner-city school, proud of its inclusivity, suddenly explodes in a rapidly escalating culture war.

Sex secrets, hip-hop and hope fight for centre stage in a vibrant, loud and proud, real talk rollercoaster.

Tom Wright's hard-hitting new play tackles contemporary issues in a school setting, published to coincide with Coventry's year as City of Culture.

Scene Eight: Classroom

Leon sits awkwardly, but is trying to keep up a good front. Cieren and Natasha are secretly impressed.

Cieren Babe you’ve been pissing blood for three days.

LeonBut I’m alright now, yeah.

Cieren No thanks to my psycho brother.

LeonYou’ve apologised like a trillion times.

Cieren He needs sectioning.

NatashaCieren!

Leon and Cieren Where’s the lie?

Natasha (to Cieren)Have you seen the counsellor yet?

Cieren No. But they said they’re gunna arrange one.

NatashaGood luck with that . . .

Leon (to Natasha)I’m still here whenever you need to talk, boo.

Cieren So am I.

NatashaWhat is it with lads always fucking me up? Swear down, maybe I should go gay too.

LeonI’m not gay.

NatashaIf you’re gunna be gay, be gay. Don’t be a gay pussy.

LeonShhhh! Keep it down!

NatashaStop telling me what to do cause is juss making me wanna say gay more.

LeonMy life is in your hands, Tash. It’s on you.

Vikram and Mary enter.

Vikram (to Cieren)Oy, y’little bum bandit. How’s your hillbilly brother?

MaryThat whole family are a few fries short of a happy meal.

VikramLeon, my man. Welcome back, warrior.

Vikram walks over to Leon and kisses his head.

VikramIs some proper bullshit what happened to you, fam.

LeonShit happens. Why not to me?

He puts his arm around Natasha, who shrugs it off.

VikramMeanwhile, repercussions has been happening here too.

LeonWhat do you mean?

VikramSome peeps gunna catch hands, no cap.

NatashaWhat?

VikramMandem are mad pissed, blud. Ain’t yer heard?

MaryThere’s gunna be a massive fight.

VikramSee. Even Mary knows about it.

NatashaGet a room already. This drama is dead.

MaryIt’s all gunna kick off. Cause of Mark battering Leon. Blacks vs whites. Apparently.

Vikram (to Cieren)An’ that includes whites who fink they’re black on the inside. You’re cancelled, bitch.

Ms Senabo enters.

Ms Senabo I want you in groups in five, four, three, two, one.

No one moves.

Do not waste my – or your – time.

NatashaI’ll go with Cieren.

Ms Senabo No you won’t. Vikram –

VikramI ain’t going with him.

LeonOr me. Poo-shoveller.

Cieren Cunt face.

Ms Senabo Gentlemen! Another word from either of you and it’s detention for you both.

Cieren smiles.

MaryI’ll go with Cieren, miss.

VikramWill yer now? Appealing to yer lil lightie side yeah?

MaryI’m not a lightie, moron. I’m British.

Ms Senabo Thank you, Mary. Precisely what today’s lesson will be exploring. British values.

VikramWhite values?

MaryBritish don’t mean white, dumb dumb.

Leon (under his breath)And it defo doesn’t mean bum-fucking.

Leon and Vikram spud fists.

Cieren Depends on what kinda British you are.

VikramWhat does that mean?

Ms Senabo Let’s take turns. What does ‘British’ mean to you, Cieren?

CierenWell, Christian-British is different than say . . . Jewish-British, Buddhist-British orrrr Muslim-British –

VikramOh now we’re getting there. You mean brown British?

Cieren You said it, I didn’t. (To Ms Senabo.) I guess it’s like . . . Tradition an’ cricket an’ Jesus and that.

VikramCricket’s Indian, you fool.

Ms Senabo Ok. Are traditions important to you?

NatashaSharing an’ celebrating each other’s traditions is proper enriching, Miss –

CierenNot really. But shouldn’t we be able to keep the British ones if we want?

NatashaEr, Cieren? What the fuck?

MaryLiterally no one is stopping you.

Cieren People get vex. Sa...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Creative Team
• Cast
• Production Companies
• Author’s thanks
• Dedication
• Contents
• I Ain’t Dumb
• Characters
• Scene One: Classroom
• Scene Two: Classroom
• Scene Three: McDonalds
• Scene Four: Rainbows nightclub
• Scene Five: Leon’s house
• Scene Six: The schoolyard
• Scene Seven: The all-weather pitch
• Scene Eight: Classroom
• Scene Nine: McDonalds
• Scene Ten: Leon’s house
• Scene Eleven: McDonalds
• Scene Twelve: Classroom
• eCopyright