The Heart of Communication

How to really connect with an audience

Rob Parsons

• Publisher: Hodder Faith
• Year: 2020
• ISBN:
  9781529373431
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Communication & Public Speaking

The ability to connect with an audience is an essential element of public speaking. While an effective presentation can have all the elements of good pace, pitch and body language, it can still leave an audience unaffected or unmoved. Rob Parson believes even the most proficient speakers can enhance their public speaking by focusing on the heart of communication: connection.For the first time, Rob Parsons shares his insights from over fifty years of experience. He unpacks methods that will help any public speaker - from how to prepare well and utilise the power of story, to giving top tips on avoiding common distractions. Readers will come away with a better grasp on public speaking - not only how to speak to the head, but to the heart.Having spoken to over a million people around the world, from multinational organisations to church congregations, Rob has fine-tuned approaches that can help anyone wanting to grow in this area.

Chapter 1

Find One Thing That Can Make a Difference

I believe I can help you be a more effective public speaker.

I say this because, for over half a century, I have not only listened to some of the best (and, no doubt, a few of the worst!) public speakers in the world, but I have watched them. And if I had to single out one characteristic of those who are the most effective communicators – whether they are addressing audiences of thousands or speaking to seminars of twelve – it would be this: they are teachable. They are tireless in their effort to ‘stir up the gift within them’. They want to get better.

I have long given up taking part in arguments as to whether those who become the most successful in a particular field – whether it’s sport, music or business – do so because they are more gifted than others or because they are more committed. But I am sure of this: the world is full of people who have an incredible natural gift but never reach their potential because they believe they have nothing left to learn and stop trying to develop that gift. On the other hand, there are those who achieve far above what was predicted for them because they simply work hard to get better in their chosen field. And when you see somebody at the very top of their profession – whether they are a football player, a violinist, Formula One driver or a teacher – they have two qualities: natural gift and an incredible dedication to improve. Sir Alex Ferguson was so convinced of this that having watched and trained some of the most gifted footballers in the world, he said, ‘Hard work will always overcome natural talent when talent does not work hard enough.’

Some years ago, I attended a conference of five thousand people. As well as main-platform talks in the huge auditorium, many smaller seminars were taking place, and I noticed one entitled ‘Developing your public speaking’. When I told a colleague that I intended to attend it, he said, ‘Why bother? You’re speaking tonight to four thousand people!’ I replied, ‘Trust me, it’ll be worth it.’

When I arrived, there were a hundred or so delegates there, but, so far as I could see, none of the other conference speakers. To be honest, I’d heard most of what the speaker said before, but I have always been prepared to read a book or listen to a talk for just one good idea and on this occasion I was not disappointed. About halfway through his presentation, he said two things that impacted my public speaking from that day on. I’ll tell you the first now, and I’ll come back to the second later in the book. He said, ‘When you address an audience you will lose their attention for one of two reasons: because you’re boring or because you’re interesting.’ I remember thinking, ‘How on earth would you lose somebody’s attention because you’re interesting?’ He explained, ‘You’ll say something that will really grab their attention – so much so that they’ll start to think about it, their minds going off in a different direction. If you want to keep the audience with you for the whole of your talk, every so often you must do something to bring them back. It may be by changing your pace or the pitch of your voice, introducing a story or simply taking your jacket off. But if you are going to keep them for the whole of your talk – you’ve got to get them back.’

I know the first line of this book sounds presumptuous – after all, some of you may be among the most effective communicators in the world. But since you are reading this book, you are probably, like me, searching for that one idea that can make a small difference. I pray you find it.

When I was about sixteen an older man from our church, Arthur Tovey, said to me, ‘I think God has given you a gift of public speaking – and I’m going to teach you.’ I remember thinking at the time that there were at least two problems with that. First, I didn’t take part in debates or drama at school – I didn’t even put my hand up in class. In fact, I hardly understood school and couldn’t wait to leave and get on with starting my rock group. Second, this dear man was one of the worst public speakers I had ever heard. But teach me he did – week by week.

Arthur’s public speaking lessons bore some unexpected fruit one Sunday evening. A lawyer happened to hear me give a talk to a group of teenagers and for some reason approached me afterwards and asked me if I wanted to train to become a lawyer in his firm. I told him my parents had no money and he said he’d pay for me to go through law school. By the time I was in my early thirties, I was a joint senior partner in a ten-office legal practice, and also lecturing to thousands of lawyers a year on practice management and expansion.

On one occasion, I was asked to give a keynote address at the Law Society Conference in Vienna. Just before I went on stage, I rang Arthur and said, ‘I’m about to speak to a thousand lawyers at a conference in Vienna. You taught me to do this.’ He replied, ‘Did I?’ Arthur also taught me another lesson: sometimes coaches can help their charges achieve more than they could ever do themselves. You don’t have to think me a better speaker than you, or even a good public speaker, to benefit from this book. You just have to be willing to learn one thing that will make a difference to you.

Over the past fifty years I’ve had the privilege of speaking in two distinct settings. First, the business world, where I have addressed blue-chip companies, professional bodies, and occasionally national governments. And second, I have spoken extensively in the church world – individual churches, conferences, seminars and events that have a faith dimension. Whichever domain you speak in, I hope this book will be helpful to you.

I write this book in what some have euphemistically called ‘the second half’ of my life. I think I may be a little nearer the final whistle than even that phrase implies. (I once heard a friend of fifty-six describe himself as ‘middle-aged’. Some wit took him up on it and said, ‘Really, John? How many people do you know who are a hundred and twelve?’) But it is that very realisation that makes me want to pass on practical lessons that I have learnt – some the hard way, and often from those far more gifted than me.

There are many fine books on public speaking and preaching (and in this book I have not sought to elevate one style of preaching above another); they teach exposition, the use of pitch, pause and pace, body language and a hundred other things. I don’t for a moment suggest that this short book is a replacement for any of them. But I can at least tell you this: thousands of people have come up to me at the end of my talks and said, ‘Thank you – you touched my heart.’ Some have written to me many years later to add, ‘And you changed my life.’ For some reason, I have connected with them. It’s no secret that I believe that connection is the very heart of communication.

I have also been involved in the organisation and presentation of thousands of speaking events. That experience has given me many practical insights – particularly with regard to sound and layout of an auditorium – and I hope these may be helpful to those who have the responsibility for maximising an audience’s good experience.

As I mentioned earlier, I give examples from my experience of speaking in the business world and in the faith community, but with regard to the latter, I realise, of course, that not all of my readers will share my beliefs. However, I believe that to communicate to others is one of the greatest privileges in the world, and whatever you believe or don’t believe, whatever context you speak in, and whatever stage you have reached in your speaking journey, I hope with all my heart that this book will make you even more effective in that calling.

All the great speakers were bad speakers at first.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Chapter 2

Your Talk: Credibility, Content and Soul

The ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle suggested that the art of public speaking is essentially the art of persuasion, and that there are three distinct elements which should be at the heart of every speech: ethos, logos and pathos. Let’s consider them in turn.

Ethos

Ethos is a Greek word meaning ‘character’. In the context of public speaking it answers the question, ‘Is this person worth listening to?’ or ‘What right do they have to give this talk?’ In other words, it refers to your character, ethics and believability. If you speak to the same group of people every week, you probably don’t need to remind them each time why it is worth their listening to you speak – they made up their mind on that long ago. And the same is true of many other speaking situations. In some cases, the audience have either already decided that you have the right to speak or perhaps they believe it just doesn’t matter: if you are giving the address at a wedding, nobody is going to want to know that you are an expert wedding speaker and that this is your twentieth engagement this year.

But in other situations, the element of ethos is absolutely vital. Taking time to establish your credibility – your character – helps put the audience in the right frame of mind to listen to you. The Apostle Paul knew that increasing his credibility with his listeners before and during his talks increased the possibility that they would accept his arguments. Sometimes he kept quiet about his credentials, but at other times he found it helpful to remind his audience of them; he knew that, for at least some, his background and experience would make a big difference.

Imagine that somebody is about to give a talk to a group of business people entitled ‘Handling Tensions in the Workplace’ – let’s call her Claire Hicks. It will help her considerably if the chairperson takes a little time to build her credentials. For example:

Our speaker today worked for many years in the City as an investment banker, then after her ordination she became chaplain to the London Chamber of Commerce. She is the author of Life Lessons from the Trading Floor. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Claire Hicks!

Ethos does not just achieve the goal of proving you have the right to speak – it can also help create empathy with the audience. Steve Jobs understood this. When he gave his famous commencement speech at Stanford in July 2005, he didn’t need to convince them that he was successful. What he was trying to establish was that those achievements had not come easily. He wanted to connect with those students – some of them from challenging backgrounds and with significant struggles ahead – at the start of their entrepreneurial journey:

Woz and I started Apple in my parents’ garage when I was twenty. We worked hard, and in ten years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over four thousand employees. We had just released our finest creation – the Macintosh – a year earlier, and I had just turned thirty . . .*

* Stanford News, Commencement Address at Stanford University by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computers and of Pixar Animation Studios, 12 June 2005.

This is not an easy area to get right. Going over the top with an introduction can alienate an audience. That’s why you should never let a chairperson introduce you as ‘One of the best/funniest/most motivational speakers’ they have ever heard. It makes those who are listening whisper under their breath, ‘Oh really? Impress us!’ – and it’s normally downhill from there. A friend told me the story ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• About the Author
• Title Page
• Imprint Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Acknowledgements
• 1 Find One Thing That Can Make a Difference
• 2 Your Talk: Credibility, Content and Soul
• 3 Remember You Are Talking to Ordinary People
• 4 How to Really Connect with an Audience
• 5 Discover the Power of Stories
• 6 Trade Length for Effectiveness
• 7 Create a Sense of Intimacy
• 8 Notes or No Notes?
• 9 Minimise Distractions
• 10 PowerPoint Pros and Cons
• 11 Sound Matters
• 12 Optimise the Seating
• 13 Learn to Handle Your Critics
• 14 The Music, a Little Humility and the Hardest Task of All – Ending!
• Also by Rob Parsons
• Endmatter page 1