Family and Faith in Asia

The Missional Impact of Social Networks

Paul H. De Neui

• Publisher: William Carey Library
• Year: 2010
• ISBN:
  9780878087471
• Topic: Theology & Religion
• Subtopic: Christian Ministry

If Christian mission in Asia and most of the non-Western world is ever to advance, it must seriously consider the importance of family networks. Far too long the strategy of a "one by one" approach has stifled the spread of the gospel, reinforced a highly individualized unbiblical theology and destroyed social relationships that might lead to conversation, conversion and social transformation. With this concern in mind, SEANET is proud to present another volume in its series addressing critical missiological issues relevant to the practice of mission in Buddhist, Asian and many other contexts. Our title, Family and Faith in Asia: The Missional Impact of Extended Networks, attempts to issue a wake-up call to serious reflection on a highly ignored social reality in Buddhist and many other social contexts. The book is a resource useful for anyone wishing to study practical approaches to issues related to family and faith in Asia, particularly in Buddhist contexts for mission.

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Evangelizing Whole Families: The Value of Family in the 21^st Century

Alex G. Smith

Celebrated American actress, Reese Witherspoon, said it best, “Family is all we have in life” (Rader 2008:5). Wife of an Australian publishing tycoon, Ros Packer, who lost her husband in 2006, poignantly declares, “My family is the most important thing in my life. Being separated from them for eternity is too terrible to think about. If you love your family, I simply can’t see how you can feel otherwise.” She adds, “Yes, I’m a spiritual person and it’s all to do with family” (Writer 2008:47). Her gregarious heart reaches out in enormous help to hosts of hurting families through her extensive charity work. They are like an extension of her family. This eclectic and rich Arts patron and philanthropist, who helped National Gallery to purchase the largest Buddha image in Australia, also has a couple in her own home. She said she finds Buddhas “soothing and calming” (Writer 2008:52).

Family helps consolidate individuals into a sociological if not biological kin and value group. It generally gives one identity in society. It also provides the means for nurture, protection and provision for the members’ survival. A true story from Thailand illustrates the power of family and its influence on lives. Wat Thammakaya, a large Buddhist monastery, has a strong presence at nearby Thammasat University on the outskirts of Bangkok, the capital. One of the lectures was attended by thousands of rowdy students. To quell the growing noise level already elevated to a high crescendo, the Thai professor calmly requested the assembled students to cooperate and be quiet. He spoke slowly, with extended pauses in between each of his phrases, asking the scholars to close their eyes, breath slowly, put down their pens, think of their responsibility to the government, and to their parents, and remember the sacrifices their parents made so they could study. Slowly the students began to respond and come back until all finally quieted down. Significantly, the professor’s reference and emphasis on the parents helped to defuse the rumbling din in this situation. Family, along with ancestors, not only signifies one’s identity, and provides sustenance and shelter, but is also a key point of reference for respect and loyalty.

Recognizing the worldwide importance of the family, the United Nations declared 1994 to be the “International Year of the Family.” The U.N. 1959 Universal Declaration of Human Rights stated that “The family is the natural and therefore fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.” In his 1970 book, Future Shock, Alvin Toffler said, “The family cycle has been one of the sanity-preserving constants in human existence.”

BUDDHA AND BUDDHIST SCRIPTURES ON THE FAMILY

Generally, Buddhist scriptures contain little instruction on specific matters related to family. The Siddharta Gautama, known after his enlightenment as Buddha, was married at sixteen to his cousin Yasodhara. At twenty-nine they had their only son, who was named Rahula, meaning “a chain, fetter.” What was the reason for selecting such a name, whose interpretation seems to indicate a burden and be anti-family? Soon after, Gautama, who had been protected in a life of luxury and affluence, had occasion to secretly leave the confines of the palace. On this escapade, he saw four sights that disturbed him greatly, including a sick person, another aged one, a corpse and an ascetic guru. Gautama returned home, renounced his privilege, position and status, and immediately left the palace that night, abandoning his wife and infant son. In Buddhism this is known as “The Great Renunciation.” He went to join the ascetics to search for an answer to the problems of life and suffering. From the time of his Enlightenment at Bodh Gaya about six years later, he advocated celibacy for himself and his monks, the Sangha brotherhood. In time some of his extended family became Buddhists, but Buddha himself never returned to the norm of accepted family life.

Teaching on the family in the Buddhist scriptures is quite limited in terms of personal responsibilities of the spouses, social duties regarding the children or ethical issues affecting society. However, much instruction and many precepts were developed to guide and assist individuals in their quest to escape the cycle of life with its suffering in order to attain nirvana. The main emphasis of Buddhist practice revolves around listening to and following the dharma (Buddha’s teaching), which strongly emphasizes karma, the bane of all beings. Each one’s current existence is the product of karma. Because Buddha taught that humans have no essence of soul or spirit, this “karma remains untouched by death and continues to live” (Carus 1997:IV). Therefore as no soul exists, karma is primarily the only thing that is recycled into the next rebirth. In turn this produces more suffering through craving and attachment to empty illusion, the immaterial, and the transitory cycle of life. One must escape suffering by eliminating desires and craving, developing contentment, having compassion for all sentient beings, and by respecting life. Each person must overcome suffering through self-effort by doing good deeds or merit (dana) and by keeping the basic Buddhist precepts (sila). Self-reliance and self-dependence alone help the individual attain nirvana, which is the state of release from the cycle of birth, death and rebirth.

To illustrate the general emphasis noted above, the Buddha’s relation to his family requires further mention. After seven years of not seeing Siddharta, his son, King Suddhodhana sent a message to Buddha saying, “I am growing old and wish to see my son before I die. Others have had the benefit of his doctrine, but not his father nor his relatives” (Carus1997:59). The Buddha consented and came to Kapilavatthu to see his father. He acknowledged the love that the king had for his son, mixed with grief in losing him to religious devotion. The next day the Buddha came with his bowl to beg food, house to house. This embarrassed the king, but he still received Buddha’s preaching of the dharma along with the relatives and friends gathered in the palace. However, Yasodhara, Siddharta’s wife and mother of his son, Rahula, refused to come. The Buddha then went to her apartment with his two disciples, where they found her in inferior clothing with her hair cut, possibly a sign of mourning. On the Buddha’s entry she held him by his feet and wept bitterly, having not seen her husband for seven years. On the seventh day of Buddha’s arrival, Yasodhara dressed seven year old Rahula in his princely robes. She told him that Buddha was his father and sent him to ask for his inheritance. Rahula replied that the only father he knew all those years was King Suddhodhana (his grandfather). When Rahula came to Buddha he greeted him saying, “My father” and asked for his inheritance. The Buddha responded by offering his the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path, “a treasure that will not perish.” He then asked if Rahula wanted to enter brotherhood of the Sangha. He agreed to do so and Buddha ordained his own son. Having already lost his son and other close male relatives to the Sangha, King Suddhodhana spoke to Buddha about his ordaining his grandson also. From that time on Buddha promised not to “ordain any minor without the consent of his parents or guardians” (Carus 1997:59-63).

Some 547 of Buddha’s previous births were detailed in the Jataka tales, a section of the Tripitaka (Three Baskets) of the Pali Buddhist scriptures. Many of these stories were set in contexts of families or related communities. However, the punch lines of these stories always focused around the dharma and the precepts noted earlier. The objective of each lesson centered on the specific individual, including his release from suffering or karma and clearly not directly around instruction to better the harmony or growth of the family. In like manner many of the sutras were illustrated through family narratives, but the key point and conclusion of the teaching always related to freeing oneself from karma, through practicing dharma and in the end, attaining nirvana. Making merit was enjoined as part of self-salvation. Thus the individual was called to escape the emptiness of life and to detach from desires, which also included attachment to relationships, including family.

Though not in the sila or a specific tenet of Buddhism per se, the major exception concerning the family concerned a strong respect for parents, honoring forebears, and particularly venerating ancestors. Like the time King Bimbisara invited the Buddha for a special meal, in honor of his ancestors. The Buddha affirmed that transferring merit to ancestors was deemed a good thing to do. Buddha gave rules and guidelines on how that should be accomplished (Smith 2006:167). One well known legend tells how Buddha ascended into one of the heavens to preach the dharma to his mother (though some say it was one of the hells). In both Theravada and Tibetan Schools Buddha’s alleged return to earth (Assayuja) is celebrated annually, usually in October, coinciding with the end of the Buddhist Lent (Vassa). This festival is excluded in the Mahayana School of north Asia where they focus their festivals on Kuan Yin’s birth, enlightenment and death, rather than on those of the Buddha. According to Chinese scholars, by the second century B.C.E. Chinese filial piety became formalized into ancestor worship through the Buddhist practice of burning incense in front of altars and the ancestral tablets. Offering incense clearly indicates worship in Chinese culture (Smith 2006:167-168).

In some ways the Buddha substituted the Sangha for family. The Sangha became the new community, virtually replacing the family in position and importance. Monks were to be celibate. Their families visited them in the temple, but always venerated and gave obeisance to them primarily as monks, rather than as father, son, uncle or grandfather. Monks and novices lived in the monasteries, ate their food twice a day there (no meals after 11am), and were assigned chores and duties therein. Female nuns and novices sometimes were quartered in the monasteries too and were expected to be celibate. They were respected, but considered to be of a subordinate status and degree below males. Patriarchy reigned and women were relegated to a lower value—not good for normal family orientation. Basically Buddhism teaches that “women are burdened with bad karma, thus born inferior to men, so they must endure for the sake of others” (Ekachai 2008:1) Consequently women could not achieve nirvana until they are reborn as men. This is still a fundamental teaching to this day, though not often emphasized in Western contexts. The Buddhist feminist’s struggle for the same level of acceptance and equal ordination is still an ongoing battle.

FAMILY DISINTEGRATION AND TRAUMA TODAY

During the past half century an increasing breakdown of families has become a worldwide problem for all religious traditions. This erosion of family values, both in fragmented relationships and in looser morals, has accelerated at a heart-rending pace, especially since the end of the Second World War. While evil practices and excesses have existed in all eras of times past, the current increases in worldwide crime, violence, murder, rape, robbery, corruption, mass destruction and such like, seem to be of such a magnitude as to reach enormous proportions. Is all this merely the result of karma, as Buddhism would suggest? Is the world only getting worse? Evil seems to prosper, and the environment for families continues to become more harsh, unfriendly and uncertain. Is there no increase of those entering into the state of nirvana? Why does its effect seem so negligible on the planet? Why does Asian theater not become more peaceful?

In the West it is little better. In the cover story of USA TODAY, December 2007, Jill Lawrence described the shifts of family emphases in a changing America. The 2004 election in the United States had family values at the heart, particularly regarding maintaining marriage between one man and one woman, as a backlash against pressures to formalize same-sex marriages. Periods of political reactions against the earlier feminist movement and the sexual revolution also followed them. By the build up to the 2008 election, family values were, however, much lower on the political agenda. Mitt Romney was almost alone as a strong advocate of family values (2007:1). Reflecting the changes in societal values, many of the other candidates did not emphasize “family” in campaign rhetoric, but favored issues like war, terrorism and the economy instead. Lawrence noted that a number of those running for this high office were divorced, some into their second or third marriages. Recent pollsters discovered that modern Americans had little concern for the personal lives of future presidents, as long as they exhibited wisdom, showed ability and provided swift action in “getting things done.” In the last decade, Americans “have seen major cultural changes become woven into society. Divorce, blended families and women in the work force are common.” Even family values are “open to interpretation” today. Some define them, according to Lawrence, in terms of embryonic stem-cell research, legal abortion, women working outside the home, health care, opposition to Equal Rights Amendment, and issues with religious connotations (2007:2A).

Yet in a November, 2007 USA TODAY Gallup Poll, three quarters of the respondents indicated “family values are extremely or very important to them.” One third said they defined family values as “strong families.” More than half of the voters said it would matter a great deal or a moderate amount to them if a candidate had an extramarital affair.” Yet a strange ambivalence hovers around family issues. According to the U.S. Census, the traditional “family—a married couple with kids—made up fewer than twenty-two percent of US households in 2006, down from forty percent in 1970. Approximately one-fifth of Americans have been divorced.” (Some say fifty percent of marriages today end in divorce, and the ratio for Christians is no better than in the general population.) “Nearly two in five US births in 2006 were out of wedlock, more than twice as high as in 1980.” A considerable discrepancy seems to exist between ideal standards in family values and honest realities. This is a mark of the times in our twenty-first century. The deeply disturbing thing about it is that so many people seem to have compromised their traditional moral standards so as to no longer consider evil, with all its variegated tentacles, to be that insidious or damaging to society.

The extent of this declension and its serious effects on the children of families are quite disturbing and deeply concerning. In an article, “Toddlers in Distress,” published in Australia, the rise in mental illness in our modern day was blamed on the breakdown of the family. Dr James Scott at the Royal Children’s Hospital in Brisbane confirmed the findings of recent research. Shockingly, children as young as three years old are being treated for mental health conditions in some hospitals there. Research reveals that now younger people are more likely to have a mental disorder than older people. One in four teenagers in Queensland experience mental problems, including panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorders, depression and substance abuse. According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, one in five Australians will suffer from a mental health issue at some stage of their lives. Dr. Scott said that a big part of the burgeoning problem was due to changes in the family environment. He emphasized that a secure relationship with at least one parent was “enormously important.” He added that “the biology of people hasn’t changed, but everything else in society has. Family break-ups, single parenting, blended families are a big part of it.” He added, “Kids need to be part of a family and feel safe” (Hinde 2008:7).

Accompanying this scary trend is the burgeoning problem of domestic violence. This abuse is not limited to race or color, rich or poor, female or male, the religious or atheist, west or east, or to upper or lower echelons of society. It has become a universal tragedy of gigantic magnitude across all segments of global humanity. Erin Marcus says that those in the medical profession “who support routine questioning, say domestic violence is as or more common in women, than many diseases, which doctors regularly check, including breast and colon cancer” (2008:03). Unfortunately fear, ignorance, bias and neglect add to the dilemma. One national survey in USA found only seven percent of women had been asked about domestic abuse by their health professionals. The US Bureau of Justice Statistics indicate that “from 2001 to 2005 there was an annual average of nearly 511,000 violent assaults against women—and 105,000 against men - by a spouse or intimate partner, ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Other Titles in the Seanet Series
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Introduction
• Contributors
• 1. Evangelizing Whole Families: The Value of Family in the 21st Century
• 2. Catalyzing “Insider Movements” in Buddhist Contexts
• 3. Family Networks: The Context for Communication
• 4. Duty, Obligation and Prostitution: How Family Matters in Entry into and Exit from Prostitution in Thailand
• 5. The Ritual of Reconciliation of Thai Culture
• 6. A Day in the Life of a Sinhala Buddhist Family and its Relevance for the Evangelical Christian
• 7. The Struggle of Asian Ancestor Veneration
• 8. Ancestor Veneration and Family Conversion Revisited
• 9. A New Family Model for Japanese People
• 10. Christianity and Buddhist Marriage In Sri Lanka
• 11. Biblical Ideals and Buddhist Images
• References
• Index