Help Your Boss Help You

Convert Conflict Into Opportunities

Ken Kousen

Guide your manager to treat you as a vital member of the team who should be kept as happy and productive as possible.

When your manager insists on a course of action you don't like, most employees feel they have only two options: you can swallow your objections, or you can leave. Neither option gets you what you want, which is for your manager to consider your interests when making decisions. Challenging your boss directly is risky, but if you understand what really matters to your manager, you can build a balanced relationship that works for both sides.

Provide timely "good enough" answers that satisfy the immediate need of the boss to move forward. Use a productive solution to the Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma to structure your interactions with management, going along when necessary and pushing back where appropriate, without threatening the loyalty relationship. Send the two most important messages to your boss—"I got this" and "I got your back"—to prove your value to the boss and the organization. Analyze your manager's communication preferences so you can express your arguments in a way most likely to be heard and understood. Avoid key traps, like thinking of the boss as your friend or violating the chain of command unnecessarily.

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• Help Your Boss Help You