Money Confidence

Advice for Women to Take Control of Their Financial Freedom Now

Crystal Oculee

• Publisher: Greenleaf Book Group Press
• Year: 2017
• ISBN:
  9781626344402
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Personal Finance

When it comes to money, hope is not a strategy. Toughen up, take action, and keep what's yours!
Have you, like many women, put off organizing your financial life? You know you want independence, you know you want to save, and you know you want a solid retirement. But if you're overwhelmed at the thought of where and how to begin, you're not alone. You may have been raised to defer to others in matters of money, or you may feel you simply lack the understanding of how to take on financial matters. Without the confidence they need, it's easy for women to find themselves in a situation where the only action they feel they can take is hoping that everything will turn out all right in the end. But planning for the future doesn't have to be this way.
Money Confidence is Crystal Oculee's authoritative and engaging reality check and call to action for women of all ages to take—or regain—control of their financial lives. The author shows why hope is not a financial strategy, and how, with the tools and information she provides, women can attain the independence, savings, and secure retirement they want.
The author cleverly employs metaphors from familiar fairy tales to illuminate and accentuate the book's serious message: Women need to toughen up; and they can and need to identify and overcome myths and mind-sets that place them at a disadvantage when it comes to dealing with their money and finding and working with financial advisors.
Oculee shows women how to communicate, be strong, ask questions, and reject advisors who don't take them seriously. Real-life scenarios of various women's experiences with money and advisors prove how women can get the confidence they need once they know what is holding them back. The author presents informative, down-to-earth explanations of common financial situations and specific financial products along with useful worksheets in a conversational and friendly tone with a good dose of sass. Women will find her valuable and easy-to-follow advice rings true.
Crystal is a personal finance expert, a national financial motivational speaker, a Personal Money Trainer™, and author. She is a regular TV and radio guest who has appeared on CBS News, Fox, ABC, KFI, KTLK, KRLA, KDAR, and KKLA. She has also been featured in publications such as Entrepreneur and Redbook.
?Crystal has been a guest speaker at numerous events sponsored by organizations such as the National Active and Retired Federal Employees Association (NARFE), the Screen Actor's Guild (SAG), the Motion Picture & Television Fund, California Women's Conference, the Los Angeles Women's Expo, An Empowered Woman, and the Guam Women's Leadership Retreat. She is the author of Your Personal Money Diary.

PART ONE

THE ENCHANTED WALL STREET AND THE SLEEPLESS BEAUTY

Chapter 1

WHEN IT COMES TO MONEY, TOUGHEN UP!

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.”

—Eleanor Roosevelt

It was a crazy busy but beautiful day in downtown Los Angeles. The streets were crowded, full of honking cars and lots of noise, as a colleague and I made our way across the street to the convention center. We were attending an industry conference, and we couldn’t wait to get inside and away from the sweltering heat. As we walked up to the center, we were stopped by the sound of someone screaming. We saw—just a few yards away—a woman fighting with a man. She held on tightly to her purse and yelled at the top of her lungs, “Give me back my purse! I’m not giving you my money!” Someone was obviously trying to rob her, but she was so direct, intimidating, and was making so much noise that the man must have gotten scared, since he let go and took off! She was one tough lady!

Then we noticed a teenage girl standing next to her. We later found out she was the woman’s daughter. The girl was not moving, was clearly shaken up, and had tears welling up in her eyes and a completely lost look on her face. To our surprise, as the girl began to cry, the woman turned to her and said, “Oh, stop your crying! You’ve got to protect what’s yours! You think I’d let some scumbag take what’s mine after I worked hard for my money?” In a nutshell, the mother was telling her daughter to “toughen up,” meaning it was important that she take her money seriously and not let anyone yank it away from her. Granted, I think in hindsight, she could have risked both their lives by resisting, so maybe her choice of action wasn’t the best in that situation—but then again, they were on a crowded street and not in some dark alley.

We asked if they were all right and if they wanted us to call the police, but the woman looked at us and said, “Hey, I did what I had to do! As you can see, there were no knights in shining armor coming to my rescue,” hinting at the fact that on that crowded street, not one man stepped in to help her. She proceeded to tell us that she didn’t resist the robbery only because of her valuables, but because she didn’t want her daughter to think it was ever OK to be a victim.

Her words resonated with me, but for a different reason. It wasn’t only because guys walked by pretending not to notice so they wouldn’t have to get involved. It was because this woman had come to expect that no one would help her, and in this instance, she simply took care of the situation herself—no knights in shining armor required. She didn’t roll over and give up. She didn’t stand there paralyzed with fear. She did what she had to do and took care of herself. And that took confidence.

Her actions stuck with me for a long time. I started to wonder how many women we all know, of all ages, who are still waiting for their knight in shining armor to come to their rescue. And I’m not talking about a situation like a robbery, where there is real, physical danger, but everyday financial situations where women allow themselves to be victimized, either because they are too afraid to confront a bad situation or they don’t know how to do it. I’m not talking about simply paying bills and balancing checkbooks, but managing their wealth with the same ease they pick out a new purse. I’m talking about managing their money and their retirement portfolios exactly how they want to. Doesn’t the retirement portfolio do essentially the same thing as your purse—hold your valuables? We make sure that our purses have zippers so nothing falls out and everything is protected, and we like having different compartments so we can access our wallets or our keys when we need them. But as much attention as women give to protecting the relatively inconsequential valuables in their purses, they generally don’t put even half that much effort into protecting their retirement money! Why? Because they keep thinking that somehow, everything will turn out all right. And—of maybe even more concern—they don’t even realize most of the time they’re thinking that way.

Since that day, I set out on a mission to explore the stories of women who could have stood up for themselves but didn’t—and what they lost as a result. These women weren’t robbed in the physical sense—no one stole their purses. They lost something much more valuable—their retirement savings—and with it, their ability to have the kind of life they had not only wanted, but had worked hard to achieve. The enchanted Wall Street destroyed their dreams, and their knight in shining armor (their financial advisor) didn’t ride in on a white horse to rescue them, but in fact did the exact opposite. Why didn’t these women stand up for their lifetime earnings like that feisty woman on that street in Los Angeles? In short, most women lack money confidence.

Confidence comes from knowledge. If you value a good purse, then you probably have spent time researching brands, going into stores and touching the materials, trying on various purses for fit and style. You might talk to your friends about the bags they love and why. You probably have an impressive collection. So when it comes time to choose a new purse, you’re not afraid or intimidated—you’re confident! A salesperson won’t be able to convince you to buy a bulky purse when you know you love smaller handbags. You know what works for you.

The same is true of money confidence. Right now, you’re taking the first step in an exciting journey of gaining knowledge about your finances. As with your first handbag, it will take time to understand the different brands—or in this case, the different investment products out there. But it’s not rocket science! Even though you might not become a stock market genius, you will gain enough basic information to give you the confidence you need to make smart decisions about your future. As with a purse, you might not know how to make one, but you can easily spot the difference between a fake leather purse and one made of genuine leather. The same is true with managing your finances.

You’re probably wondering why more women don’t have money confidence. The busy lives that so many women have today is one reason. Women never truly stop to take care of themselves. They are so dedicated to everyone else in their life and to those individuals’ best interests that they forget about their own. Because women have been busy saving the day for their loved ones, it’s natural they would assume someone would step in and save them when it comes to their financial future. Since we’re nurturers by nature, it is natural for us to think our financial well-being will be nurtured as well. That’s a nice thought, but not a realistic one. We have to be our own nurturers. It’s as simple as that. We don’t need to change the core of who we are. Nor do we need to learn to be financial advisors. All we need to do is take charge and take control of our own financial management.

I’ll never forget that crazy day in Los Angeles, where I was inspired to see there is still hope for women out there to stand up for themselves and to learn to think differently about themselves and their future. They just need to know that they can, and should, stand up to anyone, like that tough lady did. She spoke her mind, fought like hell, and didn’t let anyone take advantage of her!

Chapter 2

THE BEGINNING …

“ … some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.”

—C. S. Lewis

I was about eight years old when I noticed a common thread among the women in my family. They were all especially thoughtful, intelligent, and outspoken—women whose voices could literally shake up a room and demand attention. They were strong, opinionated, and always commanded respect, but all of them would go to their husbands to ask for money to pay the bills, do the grocery shopping, or go to the salon. It was as if the man were a walking, talking ATM. It’s funny how we perceive things when we are children, because we don’t really know what is right or wrong, or why things happen the way they do. So I assumed that if Mom did something, then because I was a girl, that’s what I was supposed to do as well.

I remember when I started receiving my allowance, I would collect it, take it to my room, count it, write down the amounts in my journal, and then—give it to my dad for “safekeeping.” My dad didn’t understand why I would turn around and give my allowance back to him within an hour. He was even more confused when I would proceed to make “withdrawals” from him (“the ATM”) and get just enough money for a doll or candy or whatever my heart desired. I remember him telling me several times, “You know, this is your money, and you can keep it with you. That’s why I gave it to you in the first place.” To which I would respond, “Well, Mom doesn’t keep her money with herself, so why should I?” I could not for the life of me see why he wanted me to keep my money in my room. Having him safeguard it for me seemed like such a no-brainer that I was always confused why he would make such a silly suggestion!

At about that same age, my grandfather passed away. Up to that point in my life, his death was the hardest thing I had ever faced as a child. He was like a second father to me and I loved him very much. I stayed with my grandparents during the summers and I loved to hang out with Grandpa, who was the best storyteller ever. He didn’t get annoyed (or at least he didn’t seem to) by the silly questions I asked about how cars worked and why the sky was blue—or about all the other wonderful stuff that seems so strange when you’re young and the world is amazing and filled with excitement.

But this story is more about my grandmother, a doctor with a multi-faceted intellect who spoke several languages and could easily outdebate almost anyone.

On his deathbed, my grandpa asked my dad (his son-in-law) to please take care of Grandma and make sure she would be OK. So my grandma moved in with us, and Dad now had another member of the family to look after. He handled Grandpa’s funeral arrangements and the onslaught of paperwork that comes with sorting out finances after some-one’s passing so my grandma didn’t have to figure it all out while she was grieving. Dad also took over of all of my grandma’s bills, and as she used to do with Grandpa, she would then go to my dad to get “spending money.” She was lucky, because my dad took care of her well and did his best to make sure she was truly comfortable. She lived a long life (she passed away at the age of ninety-six), and her golden years were spent in comfort, with her family helping her in whatever she needed, financially and physically. I didn’t realize how truly lucky she was until much later in life, when I found out that she had spent most of her money by the time she was about eighty, and for almost two decades after that, my dad took care of her financially. I am still proud of how my father handled this situation, because he never abandoned her, didn’t try to shove her off on other relatives, and wouldn’t even let her go to a nursing home until she insisted on it, at the age of ninety-six! But again, she was lucky.

As much as these events taught me about the value of family and the importance of being there for the people you love, I can’t help but feel that things could and should have been different. There was no reason why my grandma could not have taken care of herself or planned her retirement in advance. She was an intelligent and confident woman, far from a shrinking violet, and at the time of my grandpa’s passing, she was in her mid-seventies, still healthy and full of life! She could have easily managed her own money, made her own budget, and had complete independence. But she didn’t do any of that.

The years passed, and by the time I was a teenager, I thought I knew everything. I was still withdrawing money from my personal ATM (my dad), but I was getting more and more lectures from him, especially when I overdrew on my “account balance” (and rightfully so many times). That was when I asked myself, “Hey, why do I need a bank that talks back?” and asked my dad to help me open my first real checking account. Since I was older, and the little allowance I had received before no longer worked for me, I started babysitting and tutoring. I added more and more to my bank account because I had to prove to my dad that he was wrong, and that I indeed knew what I was doing! Hey, I was no longer his carefree little girl. So I watched my spending closely and paid my “bills” on time. I even tried to convince him that because I was so responsible and paid all my teenage bills on time, that he should buy me a pager. (Yes, you remember, we didn’t always have smartphones with cool apps; we only had the coolest invention of the time—pagers!) Well, unfortunately my dad didn’t think that was a necessary purchase and told me that when I became a doctor, he would gladly buy me a pager! (Become a doctor? Yuck! The medical field was too bloody and gross, thank you.) “No thank you,” I told him. If I could stand the sight of blood, then I’d become a vampire, not a doctor! At least I would always look young and live forever!

Making more money and saving it became important to me. I had to show the bank (my dad) that I no longer needed him for any loans. Well, he would still have to pay for the rent, the food, the cable bill, and everything else, but other than that, I could totally survive on my own. So I saved and spent wisely. I paid my own teenage bills and never asked him for any more money. Although he wasn’t always happy with the stuff I bought, he was proud of my initiative, and I was thrilled!

On a serious note, having my parents say no to me whenever I wanted to buy some silly teenage thing is what pushed me to become more serious about my money, to budget, and to plan ahead. I didn’t make all that much money with my babysitting gigs, and like most teenagers, I was faced with the constant dilemma of having to decide what clothing accessory or gadget I absolutely couldn’t live without. So budgeting became a must. Eventually, I realized there was no reason why a girl cannot, or should not, do this. The sun didn’t stop rising in the morning because I was handling my own money, and even though I’d make mistakes from time to time, the world didn’t end, and my dad never had a problem with what I was doing. So why was it that my mom still didn’t know how to pay a bill, or why did she still come to Dad for money? She had a part-time job but handed her paychecks over to her husband. I didn’t get it!

My confusion about why women didn’t put more energy into managing their own money wasn’t confined to the women in my immediate family. When I was in my early twenties, I saw my parents going through a difficult time trying to help a close family friend who became a widow at the age of fifty-one. She was a homemaker with a fourteen-year-old son, and her husband suddenly passed away from colon cancer that he didn’t even know he had. He went to the emergency room one ev...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Contents
• Acknowledgments
• Part One—the Enchanted Wall Street And The Sleepless Beauty
• Part Two—Does The Glass Slipper Fit?
• Part Three—The Wolf That Stole The Golden EGG
• Part Four—The Magic Wall Street Genie
• Part Five—Your Inner Fairy Godmother
• Appendix : Mutual Funds—The Basics
• Notes
• About the Author