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IF ITāS LONELY AT THE TOP, YOUāRE NOT DOING SOMETHING RIGHT
My fatherās generation believed that leaders should never get too close to the people they lead. āKeep a distanceā was a phrase I often heard. Good leaders were supposed to be a little above and apart from those they led. As a result, when I began my leadership journey, I made sure to keep some distance between me and my people. I tried to be close enough to lead them, but far enough away to not be influenced by them.
This balancing act immediately created a lot of inner conflict for me. Honestly, I liked being close to the people I led. Plus, I felt that one of my strengths was my ability to connect with people. Both of these factors caused me to fight the instruction I had received to keep a distance. And sure enough, within a few months of accepting my first leadership position, my wife, Margaret, and I began developing close friendships. We were enjoying our work and the people in the organization.
Like many leaders early in their career, I knew that I would not stay in this first job forever. It was a good experience, but I was soon ready for bigger challenges. After three years, I resigned to accept a position in Lancaster, Ohio. Iāll never forget the response of most people when they realized we were leaving: āHow could you do this after all we have done together?ā Many people took my departure personally. I could see they felt hurt. That really bothered me. Instantly, the words of older leaders rang in my ears: āDonāt get too close to your people.ā As I left that assignment to take my next leadership position, I promised myself to keep people from getting too close to me.
THIS TIME ITāS PERSONAL
In my second position, for the first time in my leadership journey, I could employ staff to help me. One young man showed great promise, so I hired him and began pouring my life into him. I soon discovered that training and developing people was both a strength and a joy.
This staff member and I did everything together. One of the best ways to train others is to let them accompany you to observe what you do, give some training, and then let them make an attempt at doing it. Thatās what we did. It was my first experience in mentoring.
I thought everything was going great. Then one day I found out that he had taken some sensitive information I had shared with him and violated my confidence by telling others about it. It not only hurt me as a leader, but it also hurt me personally. I felt betrayed. Needless to say, I let him go. And once again, the words of more experienced leaders rang in my ears: āDonāt get too close to your people.ā
Loneliness is not a positional issue; it is a personality issue.
This time I had learned my lesson. I once again determined to keep space between me and everyone around me. I would hire staff to do their jobs. And I would do my job. And we would only get together at the annual Christmas party!
For six months I managed to maintain this professional separation. But then one day I realized that keeping everyone at a distance was a double-edged sword. The good news was that if I kept people at a distance, nobody would ever hurt me. But the bad news was that no one would ever be able to help me either. So at age twenty-five, I made a decision: As a leader, I would āwalk slowly through the crowd.ā I would take the timeāand the riskāof getting close to people and letting them get close to me. I would vow to love people before trying to lead them. This choice would at times make me vulnerable. I would get hurt. Yet the close relationships would allow me to help them as well as be helped by them. That decision has changed my life and my leadership.
LONELINESS IS NOT A LEADERSHIP ISSUE
Thereās a cartoon in which an executive is shown sitting forlornly behind a huge desk. Standing meekly on the other side of the desk is a man dressed in work clothes, who says, āIf itās any comfort to you, itās lonely at the bottom too.ā Being at the top doesnāt mean you have to be lonely. Neither does being at the bottom. Iāve met lonely people at the bottom, on the top, and in the middle. I now realize that loneliness is not a positional issue; it is a personality issue.
To many people, the leaderās image is that of an individual standing alone at the top of the mountain, looking down on his people. Heās separated, isolated, and lonely. Thus the saying āItās lonely at the top.ā But I would argue that the phrase was never made by a great leader. If you are leading others and youāre lonely, then youāre not doing it right. Think about it. If youāre all alone, that means nobody is following you. And if nobody is following you, youāre not really leading!
Taking people to the top is what good leaders do.
What kind of a leader would leave everyone behind and take the journey alone? A selfish one. Taking people to the top is what good leaders do. Lifting people to a new level is a requirement for effective leadership. Thatās hard to do if you get too far from your peopleābecause you can no longer sense their needs, know their dreams, or feel their heartbeat. Besides, if things arenāt getting better for people as a result of their leaderās efforts, then they need a different leader.
TRUTHS ABOUT THE TOP
Because this leadership issue has been so personal to me, Iāve given it a lot of thought over the years. Here are some things you need to know:
No One Ever Got to the Top Alone
Few leaders are successful unless a lot of people want them to be. No leaders are successful without a few people helping them. Sadly, as soon as some leaders arrive at the top, they spend their time trying to push others off the top. They play king of the hill because of their insecurity or competitiveness. That may work for a time, but it usually wonāt last long. When your goal is to knock others down, you spend too much of your time and energy watching out for people who would do the same to you. Instead, why not give others a hand up and ask them to join you?
Making It to the Top Is Essential to Taking Others to the Top
There are a lot of people in the world who are willing to give advice on things theyāve never experienced. They are like bad travel agents: they sell you an expensive ticket and say, āI hope you enjoy the trip.ā Then you never see them again. In contrast, good leaders are like tour guides. They know the territory because theyāve made the trip before, and they do what they can to make the trip enjoyable and successful for everybody.
A leaderās credibility begins with personal success. It ends with helping others achieve personal success.
A leaderās credibility begins with personal success. It ends with helping others achieve personal success. To gain credibility, you must consistently demonstrate three things:
1. Initiative: You have to get up to go up.
2. Sacrifice: You have to give up to go up.
3. Maturity: You have to grow up to go up.
If you show the way, people will want to follow you. The higher you go, the greater the number of people who will be willing to travel with you.
Taking People to the Top Is More Fulfilling Than Arriving Alone
A few years ago I had the privilege of speaking on the same stage as Jim Whittaker, the first American to climb Mount Everest. During lunch I asked him what had given him the most fulfillment as a mountain climber. His answer surprised me.
āI have helped more people get to the top of Mount Everest than any other person,ā he replied. āTaking people to the top who could never get there without my assistance is my greatest accomplishment.ā
Evidently this is a common way of thinking for great mountain guides. Years ago I saw an interview with a guide on 60 Minutes. People had died while attempting to climb Mount Everest, and a surviving guide was asked, āWould the guides have died if they were not taking others with them to the top?ā
āNo,ā he answered, ābut the purpose of the guide is to take people to the top.ā
Then the interviewer asked, āWhy do mountain climbers risk their lives to climb mountains?ā
The guide responded, āIt is obvious that you have never been to the top of the mountain.ā
I remember thinking to myself that mountain guides and leaders have a lot in common. There is a big difference between a boss and a leader. A boss says, āGo.ā A leader says, āLetās go.ā The purpose of leadership is to take others to the top. And when you take others who might not make it to the top otherwise, thereās no other feeling like it in the world. To those who have never had the experience, you canāt explain it. To those who have, you donāt need to.
Much of the Time Leaders Are Not at the Top
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