An Impolite Interview
Paul Krassner / 1971
From The Realist, Fall May/June 1971 (No. 90). © 1971 by Paul Krassner. Reprinted by permission.
Q: Okay. Letâs start off with a simple one. How would you distinguish between freedom and insanity?
A: True freedom and sanity spring from the same spiritual well, already mixed, just add incentive. Insanity, on the other hand, is dependent on material fad and fashion, and the weave of oneâs prison is of that material. âBut I didnât weave it,â I hear you protest. âMy parents, their parents, generations before me wove it!â
Could be, but when youâre a prisoner, the task is not to shout epithets at the warden, but to get out.
Q: Well, specifically, when you were in East Palo Alto, sitting in the back yard of the only white family in a black area, and there was a police helicopter hovering above you, and you wanted to shoot it downânow, even though you may not have meant that literally, can you stretch the fantasy enough to consider the possibility that you were being dogmatic when you chided Tim Leary for being Another Nut with a Gun?
A: Yes.
Q: Stop hemming and hawing . . . Is there anything you want to add to that?
A: Iâm sorry that I used that phrase in my letter to Tim. I intended to be emphatic, not dogmatic, because Iâve had enough dealings with both ends of guns to feel qualified in making strong statements. Iâve shot ducks, deer, elk, geese, coyotes, and a hole in my grandfatherâs kitchen ceiling, and Iâve been shot at by farmers, cops, and federales. All of it is negative energy. When I said the thing about the helicopter, what I meant was that the men manning these abominations had better take heed of a growing impatience with this kind of bullshit. I mean I had no thirty aught six with Enfield scope handy in the closet, but if I was, say, a black home-owner sitting out in his patio with his family, still, say, smarting from the burn of doing a hitch defending the sanctity of the American Dollar in Vietnam, and that racketing monstrosity started hanging out over my house fucking with my weekends, I might think, âWho the hell did I ever know up in a helicopter that wasnât workinâ for the forces of slavery!â
That then it might cross my mind to get the gun out of the closet and clean it a little sitting out there in the sun under that motherfucking chopper, is all I was saying.
Q: Itâs no accident that the initials of your protagonist in One Flew Over the Cuckooâs Nest are R. P. M.âRevolutions Per Minuteâand that you donât take that word lightly, but where is your vision of revolution in relation to both Ho Chi Minh and Charles Reich?
A: Chuck and Ho? Naturally I canât hope to under the circumstances with reference to each of their personal visions huh?
Q: Iâm talking about the spectrum from Chuckieâs bell-bottoms to Hoâs anti-aircraft.
A: Ah. I see. Well, I think that either sticking a leg in a pair of bell-bottoms or loading a canister into an anti-aircraft weapon may or may not be a revolutionary act. This is only known at the center of the man doing the act. And there is where the revolution must lie, at the seat of the actâs impetus, so that finally every action, every thought and prayer, springs from this committed center.
Q: Youâve said, regarding the media, that if you follow the wires, they all lead to the Bank of America. Would you expand on that?
A: When youâve had a lot of microphones poked at you with questions like âMr. Kesey, would you let your daughter take acid with a black man?â âMr. Kesey, do you advocate the underwear of the Lennon Sisters?â âMr. Kesey, how do you react to the findings of the FAD indicating that patchouli oil causes cortisone damage?ââyou get so you can follow the wires back to their two possible sources. Perhaps one wire out of a thousand leads to one of the sources, to the heart of the man holding the microphone, while the other nine hundred and ninety-nine go through a bramble of ambition, ego, manipulation, and desire, sparking and hissing and finally joining into one great coaxial cable that leads out of this snarl and plugs straight into the Bank of America.
Q: Would you care to speculate as to the motivation of performers like Paul Newman and Country Joe McDonald in contracting to lend their graven images to advertisements for Coca-Cola?
A: They need the money.
Q: In Sometimes a Great Notion, you had this idealistic logger in the role of a strikebreaker, and yet now, back in real life, youâre glad that the union has shut down the local paper and pulp mill. Whatâs made the differenceâecology?
A: Womenâs Lib.
Q: Are you just being a smart-ass or do you mean that?
A: No, I mean Womenâs Lib has made us aware of our debauching of Mother Earth. The man who can peel off the Kentucky topsoil, gouge the land empty to get his money nuts off, then split for other conquests, leaving the ravished land behind to raise his bastards on welfare and fortitude . . . is different from Hugh Hefner only in that he drives his cock on diesel fuel.
Womenâs Lib was the real issue in Notion. I didnât know this when I wrote it, but think about it: Itâs about men matching egos and wills on the battleground of Vivianâs unconsulted hide. When she leaves at the end of the book, she chooses to leave the only people she loves for a bleak and uncertain but at least equal future.
The earth is bucking in protest of the way sheâs been diddled with: is it strange that the most eloquent rendition of this protest should come from the bruised mouth of womankind?
Q: And yet, since youâre against abortion, doesnât that put you in the position of saying that a girl or a woman must bear an unwanted child as punishment for ignorance or carelessness?
A: In as I feel abortions to be probably the worst worm in the revolutionary philosophy, a worm bound in time to suck the righteousness and the life from the work we are engaged in, I want to take this slowly and carefully. This is the story of Freddy Schrimpler:
As part of his training, a psychiatric aide must spend at least two weeks working the geriatric wards, or âshit pitsâ as they were called by the other aides. These wards are concrete barns built, not for attempted cures or even for attempted treatments of the herds of terminal humanity that would otherwise be roaming the streets, pissing and drooling and disgusting the healthy citizenry, but for nothing more than shelter and sustenance, waiting rooms where old guys spend ten, twenty, sometimes thirty years waiting for their particular opening in the earth. At eight in the morning they are herded and wheeled into showers, then to Day Rooms where they are fed a toothless goo, then are plunked into sofas ripe with decades of daily malfunctions of worn-out sphincters, then fed again, and washed again, and their temperatures taken if theyâre still warm enough to register, and their impacted bowels dug free in the case of sphincters worn-out in the other direction, and their hair and cheesy old fingernails clipped (the clippings swept into a little pink and gray pile), and fed again and washed again, and then usually left alone through the long afternoons.
Some of these derelicts still have a lot going and enjoy trapping flies and other such morsels in the snare of their baited hands, and some engage in contented and garrulous conversations with practically anything, and some watch TV, but most of them lie motionless on the plastic covered sofas or in gurney beds, little clots of barely breathing bones and skin under the government sheets. Even the doctors call them vegetables.
In caring for these men something becomes immediately obvious to all the young aides undergoing their first real brush with responsibility. The thought is very explicit. After the first meal squeezed into a slack mouth, or after the first diaper change or catheter taping, every one of the trainees have thought this thought, and some have spoken it.
âWithout our help these guys would die!â
And, after the hundredth feeding and diapering and changing, the next thought, though never spoken, is: âWhy donât we just let them die?â
An awful question to find in your head, because even young aides know that age can happen to anyone. âThis could I someday be!â But even fear of oneâs own future canât stop the asking: Why donât we just let them die? Whatâs wrong with letting nature take its own corpse? Why do humans feel they have the right to forestall the inevitable fate of others? Freddy Schrimpler helped me find my answer:
Freddy was seventy or eighty years old and had been on the Geriatrics Ward for close to twenty years. From morning until bedtime he lay in the dayroom in a gurney bed against the wall, on his side under a sheet, his little head covered with a faint silver gossamer that seemed too delicate to be human hairâit looked more like a fungus mycelium joining the head to the pillowâand his mouth drooling a continual puddle at his cheek. Only his eyes moved, pale and bright blue they followed the activity in the ward like little caged birds. The only sound he made was a muffled squeaking back in his throat when he had dirtied his sheets and, since his bowels were usually impacted, like most of the inmates who couldnât move, this sound was made but rarely and even then seemed to exhaust him for hours.
One afternoon, as I made my rounds to probe with rectal thermometer at the folds of wasted glutinous maximus of these gurney bed specimensâhospital policy made it clear that the temperature of anything breathing, even vegetables, had to be logged once a monthâI heard this stifled squeak. I looked up; it was Freddyâs squeak but since it was his temperature I was attempting to locate I knew that he hadnât shit his sheets. I resumed my probing, somewhat timidly, for the flesh of these men is without strength and a probe in the wrong direction can puncture an intestine. The squeak came again, slower, and sounding remarkably like speech! I moved closer to the pink and toothless mouth, feeling his breath at my ear.
âMakes you . . . kinda nervous . . . donât it?â he squeaked. The voice was terribly strained and faltering, but even through the distortion you could clearly make out the unmistakable tone of intelligence and awareness and, most astonishingly, humor.
In the days that followed I brought my ear to that mouth as often as the nurses let me get away with it. He told me his story. A stroke years ago had suddenly clipped all the wires leading from the brain to the body. He found that while he could hear and see perfectly, he couldnât send anything back out to the visitors that dropped by his hospital bed more and more infrequently. Finally they sent him to the VA, to this ward where, after years of effort, he had learned to make his little squeak. Sure, the doctors and nurses knew he could talk, but they were too busy to shoot the breeze and didnât really think he should exhaust himself by speaking. So he was left on his gurney to drift alone in his rudderless vessel with his short-wave unable to send. He wasnât crazy; in fact the only difference that I could see between Freddy and Buddha was in the incline of their lotus position. As I got to know him, I spoke of the young aidesâ thought.
âLet a man die for his own good?â he squeaked, incredulous. âNever believe it. When a man . . . when anything . . . is ready to stop living . . . it stops. You watch . . .â
Before I left the ward, two of the vegetables died. They stopped eating and died, as though a decision of the whole being was reached and nothing man or medicine could do would turn this decision. As though the decision was cellularly unanimous (I remember a friend telling me about her attempted suicide; she lay down and pl...