- 336 pages
- English
- ePUB (mobile friendly)
- Available on iOS & Android
About This Book
"Roxane Gay is so great at weaving the intimate and personal with what is most bewildering and upsetting at this moment in culture. She is always looking, always thinking, always passionate, always careful, always right there."âSheila Heti, author of How Should a Person Be?
A New York Times Bestseller
Best Book of the Year: NPR ⢠Boston Globe ⢠Newsweek ⢠Time Out New York ⢠Oprah.com ⢠Miami Herald ⢠Book Riot ⢠Buzz Feed ⢠Globe and Mail (Toronto) ⢠The Root ⢠Shelf Awareness
A collection of essays spanning politics, criticism, and feminism from one of the most-watched cultural observers of her generation
In these funny and insightful essays, Gay takes us through the journey of her evolution as a woman ( Sweet Valley High ) of color ( The Help ) while also taking readers on a ride through culture of the last few years ( Girls, Django in Chains ) and commenting on the state of feminism today (abortion, Chris Brown). The portrait that emerges is not only one of an incredibly insightful woman continually growing to understand herself and our society, but also one of our culture.
Bad Feminist is a sharp, funny, and spot-on look at the ways in which the culture we consume becomes who we are, and an inspiring call-to-arms of all the ways we still need to do better, coming from one of our most interesting and important cultural critics.
Frequently asked questions
Information
[Gender & Sexuality]
How to Be Friends with Another Woman
- Abandon the cultural myth that all female friendships must be bitchy, toxic, or competitive. This myth is like heels and pursesâpretty but designed to SLOW women down.
- This is not to say women arenât bitches or toxic or competitive sometimes but rather to say that these are not defining characteristics of female friendship, especially as you get older.
- If you find that you are feeling bitchy, toxic, or competitive toward the women who are supposed to be your closest friends, look at why and figure out how to fix it and/or find someone who can help you fix it.
- A lot of ink is given over to mythologizing female friendships as curious, fragile relationships that are always intensely fraught. Stop reading writing that encourages this mythology.
- If you are the kind of woman who says, âIâm mostly friends with guys,â and act like youâre proud of that, like that makes you closer to being a man or something and less of a woman as if being a woman is a bad thing, see Item 1B. Itâs okay if most of your friends are guys, but if you champion this as a commentary on the nature of female friendships, well, soul-search a little.
- If you feel like itâs hard to be friends with women, consider that maybe women arenât the problem. Maybe itâs just you.
- I used to be this kind of woman. Iâm sorry to judge.
- Sometimes, your friends will date people you cannot stand. You can either be honest about your feelings or you can lie. There are good reasons for both. Sometimes you will be the person dating someone your friends cannot stand. If your man or woman is a scrub, just own it so you and your friends can talk about more interesting things. My go-to explanation is âI am dating an asshole because Iâm lazy.â You are welcome to borrow it.
- Want nothing but the best for your friends because when your friends are happy and successful, itâs probably going to be easier for you to be happy.
- If youâre having a rough go of it and a friend is having the best year ever and you need to think some dark thoughts about that, do it alone, with your therapist, or in your diary so that when you actually see your friend, you can avoid the myth discussed in Item 1.
- If you and your friend(s) are in the same field and you can collaborate or help each other, do this without shame. Itâs not your fault your friends are awesome. Men invented nepotism and practically live by it. Itâs okay for women to do it too.
- Donât tear other women down, because even if theyâre not your friends, they are women and this is just as important. This is not to say you cannot criticize other women, but understand the difference between criticizing constructively and tearing down cruelly.
- Everybody gossips, so if you are going to gossip about your friends, at least make it fun and interesting. As a corollary, never say âI never lieâ or âI never gossipâ because you are lying.
- Love your friendsâ kids even if you donât want or like children. Just do it.
- Tell your friends the hard truths they need to hear. They might get pissed about it, but itâs probably for their own good. Once, my best friend told me to get my love life together and demanded an action plan, and it was irritating but also useful.
- Donât be totally rude about truth telling, and consider how much truth is actually needed to get the job done. Finesse goes a long way.
- These conversations are more fun when preceded by an emphatic âGIRL.â
- Surround yourself with women you can get sloppy drunk with who wonât draw stupid things on your face if you pass out, and who will help you puke if you overcelebrate, and who will also tell you if you get sloppy drunk too much or behave badly when you are sloppy drunk.
- Donât flirt, have sex, or engage in emotional affairs with your friendsâ significant others. This shouldnât need to be said, but it needs to be said. That significant other is an asshole, and you donât want to be involved with an asshole whoâs used goods. If you want to be with an asshole, get a fresh asshole of your very own. They are abundant.
- Donât let your friends buy ugly outfits or accessories you donât want to look at when you hang out. This is just common sense.
- When something is wrong and you need to talk to your friends and they ask you how you are, donât say âFine.â They know youâre lying and it irritates them and a lot of time is wasted with the back-and-forth of âAre you sure?â and âYes?â and âReally?â and âI AM FINE.â Tell your lady friends the truth so you can talk it out and either sulk companionably or move on to other topics.
- If four people are dining, split the check evenly four ways. We are adults now. We donât need to add up what each person had anymore. If youâre high rolling, just treat everyone and rotate who treats. If youâre still in the broke stage, do what you have to do.
- If a friend sends a crazy e-mail needing reassurance about love, life, family, or work, respond accordingly and in a timely manner even if it is just to say, âGIRL, I hear you.â If a friend sends you like thirty crazy e-mails needing reassurance about the same damn shit, be patient because one day thatâs going to be you tearing up Gmail with your drama.
- My motherâs favorite saying is âQui se ressemble sâassemble.â Whenever she didnât approve of who I was spending time with, sheâd say this ominously. It means, essentially, you are whom you surround yourself with.
Girls, Girls, Girls
Table of contents
- Cover
- Title Page
- Contents
- [Introduction]
- [Me]
- [Gender & Sexuality]
- [Race & Entertainment]
- [Politics, Gender & Race]
- [Back to Me]
- Acknowledgments
- An Excerpt from Not That Bad
- About the Author
- Praise
- Also by Roxane Gay
- Copyright
- About the Publisher