ACT THREE
SCENE I. A field near Frogmore.
Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE.
[4]
EVANS I pray you now, good Master Slender’s serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you look’d for Master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic?
SIMPLE Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward; every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way.
[8]
EVANS I most fehemently desire you you will also look that way.
SIMPLE I will, sir.
[Exit.
EVANS Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals about his knave’s costard when I have goot opportunities for the ork. Pless my soul! [Sings.
[15]
To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings madrigals;
There will we make our peds of roses,
And a thousand fragrant posies.
To shallow –
Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry.
[Sings.
Melodious birds sing madrigals –
Whenas I sat in Pabylon –
And a thousand vagram posies.
To shallow, etc.
Re-enter SIMPLE.
[25]
SIMPLE Yonder he is, coming this way, Sir Hugh.
EVANS He’s welcome.
[Sings.
To shallow rivers, to whose falls -
Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he?
SIMPLE No weapons, sir. There comes my master,
Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from
[31]
Frogmore, over the stile, this way.
EVANS Pray you give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. [Takes out a book.
Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER.
[36]
SHALLOW How now, Master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
SLENDER [Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page!
PAGE Save you, good Sir Hugh!
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EVANS Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you!
SHALLOW What, the sword and the word!
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Do you study them both, Master Parson?
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PAGE And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day!
EVANS There is reasons and causes for it.
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PAGE We are come to you to do a good office, Master Parson.
EVANS Fery well; what is it?
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PAGE Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.
SHALLOW I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect.
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EVANS What is he?
PAGE I think you know him: Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician.
EVANS Got’s will and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
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PAGE Why?
EVANS He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, and he is a knave besides – a cowardly knave as you would desires to be acquainted withal.
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PAGE I warrant you, he’s the man should fight with him.
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SLENDER [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
SHALLOW It appears so, by his weapons.
Keep them asunder; here comes Doctor Caius.
Enter HOST, CAIUS, and RUGBY.
PAGE Nay, good Master Parson, keep in your weapon.
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SHALLOW So do you, good Master Doctor.
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HOST Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole and hack our English.
CAIUS I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear. Verefore vill you not meet-a me?
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EVANS [Aside to Caius] Pray you use your patience; in good time.
CAIUS By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape.
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EVANS [Aside to Caius] Pray you, let us not be laughing-stocks to other men’s humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends. [Aloud] I will knog your urinals about your knave’s cogscomb for missing your meetings and appointments.
[85]
CAIUS Diable! Jack Rugby – mine Host de Jarteer – have I not stay for him to kill him? Have I not, at de place I did appoint?
EVANS As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed. I’ll be judgment by mine host of the Garter.
HOST Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and
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Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer.
CAIUS Ay, dat is very good! excellent!
HOST Peace, I say. Hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? No; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? No; he gives me the proverbs and the noverbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have deceiv’d you both; I have directed you to wrong places; your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn.
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Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow, follow.
SHALLOW Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow.
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SLENDER [Aside] O sweet Anne Page!
[Exeunt all but Caius and Evans.
CAIUS Ha, do I perceive dat? Have you make-a de sot of us, ha, ha?
EVANS This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
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CAIUS By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
EVANS Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you follow.
[Exeunt.
SCENE II. The street in Windsor.
Enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN.
MRS. PAGE Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master’s heels?
[5]
ROBIN I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man than follow him like a dwarf.
MRS. PAGE O, you are a flattering boy; now I see you’ll be a courtier.
Enter FORD.
FORD Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?
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MRS. PAGE Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?
FORD Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want of company. I think, if your husbands
[12]
were dead, you two would marry.
MRS. PAGE Be sure of that – two other husbands.
FORD Where had you this pretty weather-cock?
MRS. PAGE I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of. What do you call your knight’s name, sirrah?
ROBIN Sir John Falstaff.
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FORD Sir John Falstaff!
MRS. PAGE He, he; I can never hit on’s name. There is such a league between my good man and he! Is your wife at home indeed?
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FORD Indeed she is.
MRS. PAGE By your leave, sir. I am sick till I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Robin.
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FORD Has Page any brains? Hath he any eyes? Hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile as easy as a cannon will shoot pointblank twelve score. He pieces out his wife’s inclination; he gives her folly motion and advantage; and now she’s going to my wife, and Falstaff’s boy with her. A man may hear this show’r sing in the wind. And Falstaff’s boy with her! Good plots! They are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all my ...