Dear Gabachos: Bienvenidos to ÂĄAsk a Mexican!, the worldâs foremost authority on Americaâs spiciest minority! The Mexican can answer any and every question on his race, from why Mexicans stick the Virgin of Guadalupe everywhere to our obsession with tacos and green cards. In the course of his answers, the Mexican will use certain terms and phrases for better-rounded answers. Here are the most used, along with handy Spanglish sentence examples so you too can become a Mexican. A wright, cabrones: laugh and comprende!
¥: An upside-down exclamation point. Put in front of an exclamatory sentence. ¥Ohmidios, José brought his leaf blower into the living room!
Âż: An upside-down question mark. Put in front of a question. ÂżWho gave MarĂa my old dress?
Ë: A tilde. Put over the letter n from time to time to produce a sound like ânyuck.â Candelario sure has a lot of niños.
AztlĂĄn: The mythical birthplace of the Aztecs. Chicanos use this term to describe the southwest United States. Chicanos are idiots. Citlali says AztlĂĄn is somewhere in Ohio.
Baboso: A slug or drooling person. Can also mean âassholeâ or âidiot,â depending on context. Donât be a baboso to your baboso son, Josefina.
Burrito: A flour tortilla wrapped around various goodies. Also a slur used against Mexicans. That burrito ate a big burrito last night.
CabrĂłn: Literally, a castrated goat. Mexicans understand it better as âasshole,â or badass.
Chica caliente: Hot chick. All Mexican ladies are chicas calientes. ÂżWhere can I meet some chicas calientes?
Chicano: The poorer, stupider, more assimilated cousins of Mexicans. Otherwise known as a Mexican-American. George LĂłpez is such a Chicano with his unfunny jokes.
Chingar: To fuck up. Its various derivatives are used for a delightful array of insults, such as chingadera (fucked-up situation), chingazos (punches thrown), and Chinga tu madre, cabrĂłn (Go fuck your mother, asshole). Chinga tu madre, cabrĂłnâif you donât stop this chingadera, Iâm going to chingar you with chingazos.
Chino: Literally âChinese,â but the catchall phrase Mexicans use for Asians regardless of nationality. Vietnamese food is my favorite chino cuisine.
ChĂșntaro: A Mexican redneck. Term used mostly by Mexicans against each other. Jeff Foxworthy is a white chĂșntaro.
Cinco de Mayo: Holiday celebrating an obscure battle between the French and Mexicans in the 1860s that everyone in the United States uses as an excuse to get plastered. Our St. Patrickâs Day.
Cochinadas: Disgusting things. Derived from the word cochino, which means âpig.â ÂĄStop seeing those Playboy cochinadas!
Conquest, the: Refers to the Spanish conquest of the Americas during the 1500s. Centuries later, Mexicans still canât get over itâbut having about 100 million of your ancestors slaughtered will do that to you.
ÂĄCu-le-ro!: The Bronx cheer of Mexico. Means âAsshole!â
Culo: Every Mexican manâs obsession.
Estados Unidos, Los: âThe United Statesâ in Spanish. Come onâthat oneâs not that difficult to decipher, ÂżquĂ© no?
Familia: Guess. Youâre right: family! If you believe the mainstream media, the most important thing in Mexican culture after tequila.
Frontera, la: The borderâspecifically, the United StatesâMexico border. ÂżWhy are there so many geezers at la frontera? Because theyâre Minutemen.
Gabacho: A gringo. But Mexicans donât call gringos gringos. Only gringos call gringos gringos. Mexicans call gringos gabachos.
Gringo: Mexican slang for a white American. What gringos call gringos.
Guatemalan: The Germans had the Irish; the Irish had the Italians; the Italians had the Poles. Mexicans have the Guatemalansâour eternal punch line.
GĂŒey: Derived from bueyâan oxâbut means âass,â as in a hoofed ass, not an ass ass. That asshole is a gĂŒey.
Hombre: Mexicoâs undisputed rulers.
Joto: Faggot. A preferred male slur.
Madre: Means âmother,â but is also one of the most vulgar words in Mexican Spanish. In its various forms, can mean anything from âkick your assâ (madrear) to âsuck my dickâ (mamĂĄmela).
Malinche: The name of the Indian woman who served as a translator for the Spaniards as they slaughtered their way to the Aztecs during the Conquest. Mexicans turn her name into a noun, malinchistaâ thatâs a synonym for traitor. Typical Mexicoâblames everything on women.
Mami: The diminutive of âmother,â but also a sexual term of endearment for oneâs girlfriend. Ay, mami, give me some of that sweet culo.
MEChA: Acronym for Movimiento Estudiantil Chicano de AztlĂĄn (Chicano Student Movement of AztlĂĄn), a high school and college group that helps Mexican kids get to and stay in college. And thatâs why conservatives slur this group and all its members like no organization since the Scientologists.
Mensa: Name of an organization for people with an IQ in the upper 2 percent of the general population. Also the feminine form of âdumbâ in Spanish. Mensa members canât be that smart given the snafu, no?
Mexicanidad: Mexican-ness. Ridiculous translation for a ridiculous concept.
Mexicano: The greatest race of people in the worldâwhen theyâre in the United States. In Mexico, theyâre just Mexicans.
MĂ©xico: Country directly south of the United States with an estimated population of 105 million. Americaâs eternal Paris Hilton.
Migra, la: Nickname for immigration agents. The brownshirts of Mexican society.
Mujer: Mexican worker whose only purpose is to make sure fresh tortillas greet the familia daily.
Naco: Mexico City slang for a chĂșntaro.
Norte, El: The North. The United States.
Otro lado, el: The other side. Otherwise known as the United States.
Papi: The diminutive of âfather,â but also a sexual term of endearment for oneâs boyfriend. Ay, papi, give me your sweet green card.
Pendejo: Literally, a pubic hair. Means âassholeâ in Mexican Spanish. So many synonyms for asshole, Mexican Spanish has! That pendejo should shave his pendejos.
Piñata: A toy that Mexicans beat so it will spill forth its goodies. Otherwise known as the United States.
Pinche: A short-order cook. Also an adjective meaning âfucking.â Give me a pinche break.
Pinche puto pendejo baboso: Literally means âfucking faggot pubic hair slug,â but understood by Mexicans as âfucking stupid-ass asshole.â The best Mexican cursing c...