Dating the Younger Man

Guide to Every Woman's Sweetest Indulgence

Cyndi Targosz

• Publisher: Adams Media
• Year: 2008
• ISBN:
  9781440515507
• Topic: Psicología
• Subtopic: Relaciones interpersonales en psicología

Remember back when women traded on their beauty and men traded on their wealth and power? Well, the times, they are a changin'. As women grow more successful and financially independent, they are abandoning their mothers' "marry rich" mantra in favor of "it's as easy to fall in love with a handsome man as an ugly one." In this book, the sensational Cyndi Targosz teaches women of all ages the ins and outs of these lusty, and surprisingly long-lasting, affairs. Sprinkled with real-life stories of successful alliances, readers learn the truth about relationships with the sometimes younger, always sexier, hunky men women increasingly love to call their own.

Chapter 1

The Investigation: Cybersurvey
and Interviews

The Facts

I was approached one early October morning to put my Boy Toy Program into print. Certainly, my life experience, education as a certified lifestyle counselor, and being a relationship advisor were enough to make me jump with joy at the chance to share my feisty philosophy of ageless love. Heck, I’ve dated men of all ages, and relationship advice is my specialty. There is also a lot of current research being bandied about regarding the rise in women coupling with younger men. Studies shows that almost one-third of women between the ages of 40 and 69 are dating younger men. A recent AARP poll concluded that one-sixth of women in their 50s prefer men in their 40s. In addition to that, a national online survey recently stated that 51 percent of women do not care about age when looking for a mate. When you also take into account all the media frenzy around this topic, including network reality shows, news features, and celebrity hookups, you can only conclude that the opportunities to date a younger man have recently gotten better. That is great news—but not enough research for me!

I’m the kind of person who asks a lot of questions and gets to the bottom of everything. When I accepted this project, I felt driven to do my own research. It was imperative to connect with my readers on as personal a level as possible. I wanted to hear from real women just like you and their younger men—not just read some statistics. This was a job for Cyndi Sleuth. At first, I began interviewing men and women who are or have been in a relationship in which the man was younger. The discussions were fabulous, and the information incredibly valuable! However, even though my sampling was quite large and extremely beneficial, something in the depth of my soul wanted to dig deeper. See, I have always felt that a live interview could not avoid a slight margin of error. Experts say it can take months or even years before a client shares his or her whole truth. I wanted to be sure that my respondents were not just telling me what they thought I wanted to hear. My obsession was to dig even deeper and discover what was underneath their words—the “why.” Then I had an epiphany!

Faster than you can download an MP3 tune, I sent out a dating “cybersurvey.” First it went to family and friends, and then to the “Cyndi’s Secrets” fan base from my Web site, www.starglow.com. I designed the survey for the men and/or women who are or have been in this type of relationship, whether married or dating.

There was a catch. What was the chance of the people receiving my survey being in this specific kind of relationship? Okay, here’s where it gets zany! I encouraged the recipients of my opening e-mail to forward my survey to everyone in their address book, on the off chance that they might know someone who was, or had been, in a Boy Toy relationship. Wow—was I in for a shock! Within days of pressing “send,” my mailbox was overloaded. The avalanche of responses just fueled the fire within me to deliver my powerful message and findings to you.

Taking research into this millennium is exciting. It was exhilarating to combine the information I gathered from my extensive live interviews with that from my cybersurveys. Admittedly, this was not a super-structured scientific study. I just wanted to hear from men and woman like you. The point is that with my cybersurvey, individuals felt free to speak from their hearts. And speak they did—some sent me pages and pages of thoughts. Others responded with short and to-the-point remarks. All of the replies via both the Internet and live interviews were extremely helpful, and I am grateful to all the respondents.

Following is a rough breakdown of the percentage of respondents based on gender and age. Remember that these people replied as individuals. It is possible that in some cases, their mate or mates did not respond.

Women	Men
Late 20s and 30s-20%	20s-33%
40s-29%	30s-30%
50s-28%	40s-28%
60s-21%	50s-8%
70s/80s-2%	60s/70s-1%

I asked my recipients to respond as individuals rather than as a couple to get honest feelings. My respondents could be totally anonymous if that was their desire. The dating cybersurvey provided a safe haven for deep thought and selfexpression. I wanted the real scoop.

I did not set any rules as to how much younger the man had to be or how old the woman should be in order to participate in the survey and interviews. I promote an ageless agenda. Many women are even embarrassed to admit being in relationships in which they are only a year older. The majority of my respondents were in relationships in which the woman was between eight and twenty years older. Twenty-two percent of my respondents were in relationships in which the man was five years younger, or less. This often occurred when the woman was in her early 30s and the man in his 20s.

One surprise from this study is the huge amount of thought-provoking responses I got from women in their 30s. I knew that I would hear from women ages 40 and up. However, the wide age range of women who responded while proclaiming their right and joy in dating younger men was eye-opening. There was even a small percentage of women in their late 20s who responded because they were dating men in their early 20s. The fact that young women in their 20s put so much thought into my survey is a statement in itself. This shows that the dating double standard still exists, even for the younger women. The good news is that ageless love is on an upswing, and the relationships are working. In my Boy Toy Program, I provide guidelines for women of all ages regarding dating a younger man. Ladies—all of your voices are heard!

What the Research Means for You

After thinking about my personal experiences and reviewing the responses from my interviews and cybersurveys, I concluded that if you and other women seeking a man could be privy to the information collected, you could decide to embrace this liberating lifestyle choice. It expands your options for a mate. That’s cool! I suspect the question in your mind is whether it can work for you. In the following sections, I’ll explain why your answer may be yes. Don’t worry if the information that I give makes you at first feel inadequate. I assure you that as you go through my Boy Toy Program, you will learn ways to help build your self-worth. For now, let’s look at a few of the many reasons that a relationship with a younger man can be just the ticket.

Your Experience Is Exciting!

Let’s face it—you probably have really lived life. Younger men cling to your every word and welcome your advice. The men in my study were unimpressed with the airhead qualities of some of their younger female counterparts. I heard the word “whiners” quite a bit when they described young women. Talk between a woman and her younger man proved to be a pleasure for the men in my study. These younger men love communicating, and actually enjoy hearing what their mate has to say. They raved about the woman’s ability to contribute a mature point of view for mutual growth as individuals and as a couple.

You Are Hot!

Women are taking better care of themselves, and what can I say—guys are turned on by beauty at any age. You don’t even have to be a perfect 10 to get their attention. They can tell if you are at your personal best, and that is the draw. The wrinkles mean nothing to them. In fact, many don’t even have a clue as to what the age of a woman is when they meet her and frankly, they don’t care!

Cyndi's Secrets™

A word of caution—always check to see if a potential Boy Toy is of legal age. Many underage boys look like handsome, mature men. Some of them may even lie to you about their age. You can always playfully ask to see his driver’s license in addition to doing a Google search. Protect yourself and the underage boy from any possible criminal activity.

The Sex Is Great!

Now, don’t blush. When it comes to sex, almost all the respondents, both men and women, said that lovemaking was off the charts! Sex was an almost unanimous big plus, or “+ + + +” as my respondents would type. In fact, the few times when it didn’t go that well, it was because the woman was disappointed with her younger man. The majority of women preferred younger men because older men just could not keep up sexually. Younger men love the fact that an experienced woman knows her body and how to use it. Woo-hoo!

Confidence Is a Keyword!

The women in this study all exude confidence. I’ve worked as a celebrity image consultant in Hollywood for years, and know stars who struggle with the issue. I was so impressed with how strong, vibrant, and full of life the study participants were. To succeed in a relationship with a younger man, you must develop confidence. Again, don’t worry—later in the program, I’ll show you how to prepare. You can exude confidence and all the qualities necessary to attract and keep a good Boy Toy.

You Are Not Needy

These women are at a point in life where they are not needy. Many have financial security and established careers. Some have grown children. They revel in their independence and enjoy finally having the chance to meet their own needs. This is the time in life to find a man if you choose and, if you do so, for the right reasons.

He Is Active and Fun

Younger men tend to be more adventurous and not set in their ways. This is very appealing to women looking to have fun and lead an active life. You can discover life through each other’s eyes.

Boy Toy Talk

“Ryan and I have been together a little over two years and going strong. He is nine years younger than I am. When I am being ridiculous about some circumstance from work or my life that’s out of my control where I get frustrated, all he has to do is start giggling in his charming manner. I then realize that I am being ridiculous! It’s great. No one has ever been able to ‘teach’ me that before. . . . I would normally just get mad at someone laughing, but he’s really made it okay for me to laugh at myself and not take life so seriously! He laughs ‘with’ me, not at me!”

Rachel, 39

He Makes You Feel Young

There is a false myth that permeates our society: that dating a younger man makes you feel old. That is the furthest thing from the truth. The majority of my respondents felt younger because of their Boy Toy relationship. They felt totally worshiped and desired. I doubt if any woman would dismiss those feelings. Even in the longterm relationships, women remained feeling desired and young. In my study, the assumption that he won’t want you when you get older did not hold water. Some of the younger men actually did not age as well as their female mates. What people fail to consider in these scenarios is that the age factor is relative. It’s a simple truth—as you get older, so does he. Time has an equalizing effect.

Boy Toy Talk

“My husband was 23 when we met. I was 39. We married a year later. We have been married for fifteen years and are very happy. My husband is very good to me. He is very caring and loving. He will do anything to make me happy. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy, even though I am about thirty pounds overweight and sixteen years older. The age difference does not make any difference to my husband at all. It makes me feel younger to be with him. We are still happily married. We have a wonderful sex life. In fact, my husband wants me constantly. There are no minus points except my aging body, but my husband does not seem to care!”

Jolene, 55

A Boy Toy Babe Is Born!

There is an old stereotype of predatory women on the hunt for young meat. The word “cougar” seems to keep resurfacing. I personally do not like that image. It reeks of being the female counterpart to an old man who uses young women strictly for sex. The truth is that very few of the women in my study were the hunters. These younger men were in pursuit of them. Oh sure, some women have lured their Boy Toys in the way women have always done with men through the ages. However, a young man usually chases a woman because he thinks she’s hot! Age was not an issue. This is quite a contrast to what transpires when a younger woman dates an older man. The older man is usually a symbol of longterm security. Of course, love is the foundation of many older man / younger woman relationships, so please don’t think I’m being a snoot. Let’s just stop the double standard. The biggest message is that love is ageless. Why not open your mind and heart to the option of a younger man in your life?

Let’s cru...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright Page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Introduction
• Chapter 1: The Investigation: Cybersurvey and Interviews
• Chapter 2: Are You Too Old? The Truth
• Chapter 3: Leave Loneliness Behind
• Chapter 4: Unleash the Goddess Within
• Chapter 5: Controlled Crying
• Chapter 6: Boy Toy Hangouts
• Chapter 7: Friendly Flirting Made Easy
• Chapter 8: Make the Connection
• Chapter 9: The First Date (or the Last)
• Chapter 10: The Woos and Woes of Dating
• Chapter 11: Sexy Secrets
• Chapter 12: Dealing with Friends and Family
• Chapter 13: Is He Acting His Age?
• Chapter 14: Keeping the Flames Alive
• Chapter 15: Making Ageless Love Last
• Epilogue: Cyndi’s Closing Chat