Body Language and Relationships

Learn the Secret Meaning Behind Every Move

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• Publisher: Adams Media
• Year: 2011
• ISBN:
  9781440534591
• Topic: Crescita personale
• Subtopic: Comunicazione e public speaking

Raised eyebrows, rubbing one's chin, angled shoulders – what's it all mean? Master the art of nonverbal communication and you'll unlock these secrets and more. Body Language and Relationships is your quick course in interpreting body language in all types of romantic encounters. Now you'll know just what your partner is thinking - without a word being said.

Part I

Love at First Sight

Chapter 1

Physical Beauty and Attraction

Does love at first sight really exist, or is that a myth perpetuated on physical attraction? While the statistics are hazy on how many long-term relationships began with a single glance across a crowded room, body language can certainly add or detract from the message you’re sending out to potential mates. Whether you appear approachable or standoffish, for example, can matter far more than whether you’re the most beautiful person on the face of the earth.

Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beholder

Wait, didn’t you just read that there’s more to attraction than empirical beauty? Yes, you did, but you can’t deny the fact that a good-looking human being attracts a lot of attention — at least initially. Some people have their specific “types” (you prefer blondes, while your friend likes dark hair), but a symmetrical, youthful face without flaws (more on those in a minute) is generally believed to be attractive.

Now, obviously, no one is perfect, and “flawed” people of all ages manage to find love. How do they do it? Is beauty really more than skin deep, or do they simply settle for what they get and make the most of it?

Playing the Confidence Card

Here’s the thing with physical beauty and attraction: Not everyone is born with model-like features. Then again, model-like features don’t automatically bestow personality upon a person (which is not to say that extraordinarily good looks and a great personality are mutually exclusive). What do men and women find sexiest in a mate? Confidence. (Note that doesn’t say cockiness.) A sense of being self-assured in who you are and what you have to offer someone else is something everyone needs to bring to the table in any relationship, regardless of looks.

Confidence Personified

Let’s say you know someone who isn’t a classic beauty, but men love her anyway. What is she doing that you’re not? She’s simply projecting her confidence and enjoyment of others through her body language. At a party, for example, she:

• Places herself near the center of activity instead of hiding in the corner
• Stands tall, projecting confidence
• Smiles, laughs, and makes eye contact when she speaks to others
• Uses small touches to convey the message, “Hey, we’re friends”
• Angles herself and her head toward whomever she’s speaking to

She’s not doing anything outrageous or even out of the ordinary; what she is doing is showing a genuine interest in the people around her and welcoming people into her world. Most people will respond to this kind of solicitous behavior in a positive way — that is, they’ll want to get to know her. Depending on how brilliant a conversationalist she is or how funny she may be, she may have men eating out of her hand by the end of the night. Oh, and by the way, she’s 10 pounds overweight and has a zit on her chin. She’s just the kind of girl others would look at and say, “What’s she doing with that great-looking guy?” Maybe that guy was powerless to defend himself against her charms, and — just as importantly — she never doubted for one second that the two of them belonged together.

Setting Is Crucial

Many average-looking men feel as though the deck is stacked against them. They wander out to the nightclubs where they spot women who are dressed to kill … none of whom will speak to them. This is a valid complaint, so step one is to expand your horizons and look beyond the nightclubs. It’s hard to break into a pack of girls, and chances are if you’ve spotted a real beauty at the bar, someone else has his eye on her, too.

This is not to say that you should adopt an attitude of defeatism — it’s just best to know when and where to put forth your best efforts. Parties are often a much better setting for meeting someone because you can actually talk to each other in more than three-word phrases (and without shouting). This setup makes it much easier to put your confident body language into action.

So what kind of body language do women look for in the standard good guy (in other words, the guy who will treat them well and not make them wait by the phone for a call that never comes)?

• Eye contact
• Smiling
• A confident posture
• Some sign of humility (perhaps a hand in the pocket, or the occasional shrug)

Now, there’s an entire subset of women who prefer the bad boy to the good guy, and there’s a huge difference in nonverbal cues between these two men. Where the good guy’s entire presence is based on showing his interest in the woman, the bad boy is cocky beyond belief and woos one woman while checking out the other “talent.” If you’re trying to quit your bad boy ways, reread the above list and practice your body language skills. Eye contact is especially important when it comes to convincing a woman that you’re more than a player.

The Purpose Behind the Pickup

If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a hundred times: Men play at love to get sex; women play at sex to get love. These words are never truer than in the initial moments of the pickup. Even in this day and age of sexually liberated women and sensitive men, the roles are more often than not the same as always: The guy is looking for a hookup and the girl is looking for more. Can you tell a person’s true intention about where this is all going from his or her body language?

Actually, oftentimes you can. Some body language rules of thumb for women who are looking for a potential mate are:

• Don’t go home with a guy who hasn’t looked you in the eye for more than one second all night long.
• Don’t go home with a guy who has been rubbing up against you all night.
• Don’t go home with a guy who’s been checking out ten other girls during the course of the night.

In other words, if he hasn’t given you good reason to believe that he actually wants to get to know you at some point — if he hasn’t made eye contact, if sex is first and foremost on his mind (i.e., he’s been groping you all night), and, most of all, if you suspect you’re interchangeable with a number of other females — then he’s not into you, at least not specifically.

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Table of contents

• Contents
• Introduction
• PART I. Love at First Sight
• PART II. Skills for the Single Ladies
• PART III. Guidance for Guys
• Also Available
• Copyright Page