Surviving a Layoff

A Week-by-Week Guide to Getting Your Life Back Together

Lita Epstein

• Publisher: Adams Media
• Year: 2008
• ISBN:
  9781440501753
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Careers

Being laid off is a traumatic event. Downsized workers must face decisions about reorganizing their lives and their finances, while grappling with the emotional grief of losing a job. This book is a practical guide to dealing with the tough questions a layoff poses. Using a week-to-week timeline, the book offers advice on such topics as: coping with grief and anger after a downsizing; reorganizing life after a layoff; how to launch a job search; balancing the job search with family and personal time; explaining a layoff to family and friends; and more. This book will show downsized workers how to reorganize schedules, set financial and organizational priorities, and go for their next job with confidence and enthusiasm.

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Week 1: Give Yourself Some Time

• Riding the emotional roller coaster
• Working through the grieving process
• Telling your family and friends

WHEN YOU WAKE up the first day after being fired, panic sets in. You have nowhere to go and it hits home that you no longer have a paycheck. Most people walk around in a state of shock on the day of the lay off or firing, even if they were expecting the layoff. They feel numb, just making it through the day. Often they wake up the next morning not even knowing how they got home — especially if they went out for drinks with friends the night before.

Day 1 after losing your job is the day you truly start working through the grieving process. Take the time to grieve, just as you would after the loss of a family member or friend. Losing a job can be just as devastating, if not more personally devastating, as losing a loved one. Many of us think of ourselves in terms of our jobs and all of a sudden we feel as if we have lost our identity. In this chapter we'll explore the grieving process most of us experience after a job loss. Then you'll learn how to avoid your natural response to deny your loss and isolate yourself after the loss and instead talk with family and friends. You'll definitely be angry and probably want to bad-mouth your boss and your former company, but I'll uncover why you must avoid that tendency except with only your closest family and friends. Once we get through all of the emotional stuff, we'll focus on what you should do to survive your first week of your new life.

The Grieving Process

How you will work through the loss of a job is not that much different from any other type of mourning. You'll pass through these five stages:

1. Denial and isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

This may not be a linear progression. Some people move right to anger and then when they calm down move toward denial and isolate themselves. Many people will move through a stage and then go back to it a few days later because of a particular setback or conversation with a friend or family member. Don't think you're not making progress if you get past the anger, make yourself a bargain with God about how you'll start going to services every week if he helps you get a job, and then fall back into anger when the job doesn't just appear. It's normal to move back and forth through these stages of mourning until you finally get to acceptance. Even at acceptance you may slip backward if you get excited about a job interview, expecting to get the position and it falls through.

Let's take a closer look at what you might expect to find in each of the stages of mourning.

Denial and Isolation

Often the first emotion you feel is to deny the layoff ever happened. This is normal. You try to rationalize that it didn't happen because it just can't happen to you. You start thinking that after about a week they'll realize that they can't possibly get all your work done and they'll call you back in desperation.

Unfortunately, none of us are indispensable and even if things are difficult at the workplace after a layoff, the company expects that to happen. The people who were not let go will all be overworked and stressed out as they try to get their own work done, as well as the work passed on to them as the managers divvy up the work of those laid off. Some may even quit in protest because they just can't handle the stress or they expect they could be next. It's common for morale to slip after a layoff, so even as you are moving through the stages of mourning, I can guarantee those still at work aren't feeling great, either.

But don't give in to this denial. You have lost your job. You won't likely be called back (unless you're in an industry where temporary layoffs are common when the work is slow). You need to accept it and move on.

As part of this denial, you think you should isolate yourself and not tell anyone. You may think that if you don't talk about it the problem will go away. Wouldn't it be great if that were true? But it's not. Isolating yourself will not help and can only pave your path to depression.

Avoid the tendency to isolate yourself. Try to keep to your daily exercise routine or even increase the time you spend on exercise. Exercise has been shown to improve self-esteem. When you exercise, your body actually releases a chemical called endorphins. These endorphins help reduce the pain you're feeling from your job loss. Endorphins trigger a positive feeling in the body, which can have a similar effect to that of morphine. After a run or workout, many people will feel almost euphoric. That feeling is known as a “runner's high” and it can give you a more positive outlook on life.

WHAT ARE ENDORPHINS?

Scientifically researchers have found that endorphins act as analgesics, which mean that they diminish the perception of pain. They can also act as sedatives, so if you haven't been getting a lot of sleep after your job loss, exercise may be able to help you solve that problem too.

Endorphins are manufactured in your brain, spinal cord and many other parts of the body and are released in response to brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. The neuron receptors endorphins bind themselves to are the same ones that bind some pain medicines. However, unlike morphine, when the body activates these endorphins it does not lead to the same risks of addiction or dependence.

Now don't expect this to be a miracle cure, but over time you will feel the benefits of this exercise. Make sure you pursue an exercise you enjoy and you'll come home feeling better than when you left the house. Regular exercise can help you:

• Reduce stress
• Minimize feelings of depression
• Reduce anxiety
• Boost self-esteem
• Improve sleep

These are all the things you need to help you bounce back after a layoff. You'll also enjoy some other key health benefits that can't hurt. Exercise will:

• Strengthen your heart
• Increase energy levels
• Lower blood pressure
• Improve muscle tone and strength
• Reduce body fat
• Make you look more fit and healthy, which of course can only help you get that next job

So instead of hiding or isolating yourself, get out and exercise. You may even find some new exercise buddies that can join your network and help you find your next job.

This first stage of denial and isolation is a normal reaction to rationalize what's just happened to you. It is a defense mechanism that helps to buffer you from the shock you've just experienced. This defense mechanisms helps you block out reality and hide from the fact that you've just lost your job. You'll find it helps you live through the initial pain from your job loss.

Anger

As the masking feelings of denial and isolation begin to fade, you'll likely move toward the stage of anger. That's when the reality of the loss of your job and the pain you initially felt resurfaces. You're not quite ready to accept the loss, so this intense emotion comes from our most vulnerable core and we strike back in anger.

You might find yourself striking inanimate objects (much safer than people around you as long as you don't hurt yourself) or striking out at family and friends (be careful, someone could get hurt whether you strike out physically or verbally). You probably feel guilty for being angry toward family and friends and this makes you even angrier.

Don't be frightened by the anger you'll feel about your job loss. That's normal and you do need to exhaust that anger before you can start looking for another job. If you don't take control of that anger, it will take control of you and ruin any chances you have of finding that next job and it could possibly even ruin your relationships with your family and friends. You'll put off negative vibes and turn off everyone around you.

You'll certainly be asking yourself a lot of these questions as you find ways to channel your anger:

• Why was my boss out to get me?
• Was he threatened by my work?
• Did he use me as a scapegoat?
• Did he blame me for something that he did wrong?
• How did I miss signs that this was coming?
• If not, why did I ignore them?

I've probably just barely scratched the surface of questions you'll be asking as you sort through your anger. Don't stop. Get it all out. Write it all down. You may even find it helpful to write your ex-boss a long letter spewing all this anger out on paper — but don't mail it!

After writing that letter, read it the next morning. Does it sound logical to you? What would happen if that letter ended up in the hands of someone who was thinking of hiring you? Would they hire you? Most likely not. No one wants to hire an angry, bitter person. That's why it's important for you to take the time and write down your anger and work through it before you start looking for another job.

Give yourself a day or two to sort through that anger if needed. When you've gotten through that rage, you then need to document what happened. Try to remove all the emotion that you're feeling from losing your job and just write down the account of what happened. This will be easier to do if the layoff was an institutional layoff where many people were let go. If you were one of only a few it will be a lot harder to separate the emotions from the facts.

Let's start with the facts. How many were let go? Were they all from the same department? Were they all of a certain age? Were they all new hires? Is the economy down? Was the workload getting lighter and lighter? Did the company lose a major customer? Carefully work through the reasons for the layoff as you try to understand them.

After you write down all the basic facts, you'll then need to dig a lot deeper to figure out why you were the one chosen. Quickly look back to when you took the job. Were you excited about the opportunity for growth or did you take the job just to make the money you needed? If you were passionate about the job, did you lose that passion as you found out what it was like to work that job, day in and day out? Did the job requirements change and your skills were no longer as valuable? If you lost enthusiasm for the job it may have contributed to your being selected as one of the employees to be laid off.

Did you work well with your co-workers or were you someone who constantly created tension in the workplace? People who don't fit in often will be the first laid off. You need to do some soul searching and make sure you didn't contribute to your selection by your actions.

Think about the things you could have done to perform better at your workplace. In reality, the reasons for being laid off usually involve things that happened in the industry that created a need for a reduction in workforce, things that involve your boss and his or relationship with his boss, and things that involve your relationship between you and your boss, as well as the type of job you did. Rarely do only one of these factors come into play unless you were laid off because a plant closed. Even when a department or division is shut down, those workers who are most valued are usually offered something else in the company. So you do need to face reality even after a layoff that your actions probably contributed to the layoff decision. You do need to look at yourself and your actions, so you can be sure not to repeat those actions in your next job.

Now take these facts you've pulled together and develop a story about the layoff that you can tell family and friends. You may want to work up a second, much shorter story that you can use when you start networking for a new job or start interviewing. Practice telling your story to the mirror and watch your facial expressions. At first you may show anger or tears, but as you get more used to telling the story it will become easier and easier. While family and friends may accept your anger immediately after a layoff, if you continue to be bitter about it, you will begin to turn them off.

Bargaining

Bargaining is the phase in which you start taking back control. This can be the fun stage. You start making all kinds of bargains with yourself and maybe even with God to help you get a job faster. Even people who are not religious may find themselves playing the God card. While faith is very important, you have to remember that God helps those who help themselves.

In reality, what you are doing is a normal phase of grieving for a loss. You feel helpless and vulnerable and need to regain control of the situation. You start thinking things like, “If I'd only done such and such maybe such and such won't have happened.” You fill in those “such and such” items based on whatever fits.

You can take this stage as a respite before going on to the hard work ahead. This stage helps you weather the difficult stage ahead. But sometimes it can also lead us to depression.

Depression

As we realize our bargains are just not working and we truly face the job loss, it is common to next move into depression. As discussed above, exercise can be one of the best medicines to help you push through this phase. And, you will feel like you are pushing a huge stone up a large hill and moving almost nowhere.

You may start sleeping ten to twelve hours a day or maybe not sleeping at all. You'll find that sadness and regret will dominate your thought processes. You'll start worrying about how you can pay the bills and put food on your table — and everything else you normally pay for with the salary you no longer can depend upon.

Your family and friends will wonder how they can help you work through this phase. Many times just a few hugs and words of kindness and support can be the best medicine. If you do find yourself unable to get out of bed after about a week or so, don't hesitate to contact your doctor. Don't feel as though it's a weakness if you are not able to rise above the depression alone. Sometimes medication can lift a deep depression and help you get back to doing what you need to do — start looking for a new job.

If you allow depression to take hold, you won't have the energy or the confidence you need to look for a job. You won't make a good impression during an interview and you won't get a job. Doing whatever you need to do to lift those feelings of depression can be the most important thing you'll need to do before you can start an active job search.

Acceptance

When you finally accept your job loss, you'll find the depression tends to lift and you now have the energy to look for that next opportunity. Don't be disheartened if you slip back into depression after looking for work for a while. You may find that each time you get a rejection letter you begin to head down a slippery slope and may even fall all the way back to denial and isolation, especially when you put your heart and soul into a particular job or the rejection was from your first choice company.

Don't get discouraged. You'll find yourself moving through the steps of grief much quicker as you take the baby steps you need to take to get that next job. (We'll delve into the job search process in Chapters 4 through 9.)

What you need to work on during the first week of unemployment is yourself. Get yourself into a state of mind that will allow you to start thinking of the future rather than rehashing what happened the day you lost your job or why you lost your job. You do need to face that head on, ...

Table of contents

• Cover Page
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Dedication
• Acknowledgments
• Contents
• Introduction
• “Your Position Has Been Eliminated”
• Week 1: Give Yourself Some Time
• Week 2: Lifestyles of the Temporarily Unemployed
• Week 3: There's Life After a Layoff
• Weeks 4–8: The Job Search
• Week 9: The Job Interview
• Week 10: You're Hired!
• Long-Term Unemployment
• Do You Really Want to Go Back to the Rat Race?
• Conclusion
• Resources
• About the Author