Hatters, Railwaymen and Knitters

Travels through England’s Football Provinces

Daniel Gray

• Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing
• Year: 2013
• ISBN:
  9781408834374
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Personal Development
• Subtopic: Travel

Daniel Gray is about to turn thirty. Like any sane person, his response is to travel to Luton, Crewe and Hinckley. After a decade's exile in Scotland, he sets out to reacquaint himself with England via what he considers its greatest asset: football. Watching teams from the Championship (or Division Two as any right-minded person calls it) to the South West Peninsula Premier, and aimlessly walking around towns from Carlisle to Newquay, Gray paints a curious landscape forgotten by many. He discovers how the provinces made the England we know, from Teesside's role in the Empire to Luton's in our mongrel DNA. Moments in the histories of his teams come together to form football's narrative, starting with Sheffield pioneers and ending with fan ownership at Chester, and Gray shows how the modern game unifies an England in flux and dominates the places in which it is played. Hatters, Railwaymen and Knitters is a wry and affectionate ramble through the wonderful towns and teams that make the country and capture its very essence. It is part-football book, part-travelogue and part-love letter to the bits of England that often get forgotten, celebrated here in all their blessed eccentricity.

Part One

In the Winter:
Scabs, Blades, Hatters and Tractor Boys

Chapter One

Middlesbrough

There was Chunky and there was Moustache and there was me. There were also four women in slippers. Always in slippers. From five o’clock every other Saturday we’d loiter on the bruised cobbles outside Ayresome Park, Middlesbrough Football Club’s fading stately home. We all shared one aim: to obtain the scruffy autographs of footballers no one now remembers.

Moustache always brought a small radio, which he perched on his shoulder like a ghetto blaster. He’d broadcast the results from elsewhere for the benefit of Chunky and me and the Slipper Sisters. In his heyday, before years of watching Middlesbrough had turned him humourless, it was said that he’d record himself delivering shock results on a tape and then play them to the amazement of others. I never stopped to ponder quite how a man with a Teesside accent thicker than wet cement pulled off a convincing James Alexander Gordon.

Without ever knowing his real name, I liked him. Ditto Chunky, who wore a Middlesbrough sun hat covered in pin badges and peered out from behind lenses the width of ice cubes. Chunky kept his autograph books and pens in a boot-bag which, when we’d finished and the last steward was begging us to leave the premises, he’d cradle like a newborn as we walked away. The Slipper Sisters preferred to keep their distance from us – before moving in for the autograph kill at the last minute. Amazingly, they achieved signatures without once unfolding their arms, probably welded in position thanks to years of indifference to north-eastern winters.

The ritual was always the same. At around 5.15 p.m. the beeping reverse tones of the away team coach sounded – a bugle choking a note that the hunt was about to begin. Moustache, Chunky and I would file smoothly into the small gap between the vehicle’s rear and the flaky red iron gates of old Ayresome. From there, we could doorstep players – both ‘ours’ and the opposition’s – as they stepped out into the cool air. ‘Can I ’ave yer autograph please?’ we’d bark at young full-backs and surprised Plymouth Argyle physiotherapists. (This was Division Two in the early 1990s. We only knew what Boro players looked like, as well as the odd few who had made it to the hallowed and sarcastic pages of 90 Minutes magazine. Often we would turn to the Slipper Sisters as a player signed, and mouth ‘Who’s that?’ I’ve no idea why we thought they’d know. Perhaps they looked erudite and worldly in that footgear.)

When it came to our players the ritual was similar, only with the odd matey extra (‘Can I ’ave yer autograph please, John?’). Chunky would always ask for – and, to my annoyance, sometimes get – free tickets for away matches, while Moustache would let each player know their rating out of ten for that afternoon’s performance.

Important things happened to me on those evenings. Some of them were individual firsts: a tottering Malcolm Macdonald emerging from the guests’ lounge and becoming the first man to passively intoxicate me; mistakenly taking part in my first ever demonstration when five men in moccasins and chinos pushed their way in-between us to holler: ‘Sack the board’.

Beyond those landmarks were the first stirrings of something greater: my sense of identity. I barely knew these people, nor did I live in the same town as them, yet I belonged here in a way I didn’t elsewhere. The tired terrain seemed more familiar and welcoming than that of my school and village, the creaking bricks of Ayresome more homely than our dull new-build. With only a small immediate family to speak of, the players whose names I collected hundreds and thousands of times, filled the gaps that cousins or uncles might ordinarily have occupied. Christ, they even ruffled my hair. On the pitch, these were men who gave me a sense of forgetful happiness more than anything or anyone else could. They taught me crushing disappointment too.

This football club was the establishment to which my own fortunes and moods were tied. On those autograph dusks I learned to care deeply and feel deeply cared about.

So far, so very sentimental, but even today thinking of Ayresome and its ghosts is like looking through a dog-eared family photo album. I know my link was – and is – far from unique. Indeed, it comforts me to suppose that young people are still forging similar bonds now, still waiting for autographs and learning to define themselves through their team as I did. I just fear they’re not. I fear that theirs is a football and an England very different to mine. One in which there is very little to relate and cling and belong to.

I hope I’m wrong, because hope is important and because in Middlesbrough it can seem that the team is all that the people have left. Where before they could belong to epic steelworks or the mighty structures moulded by their artisanship, now industry has died and often taken dignity with it. The club is both a beacon for belonging and a metaphor for the town’s decline – since my darling Ayresome was put to sleep, our new Riverside abode sits grandly, yet sheepishly, by the docks, industry dearly departed, promised replacements resembling thin air.

I’m five days shy of thirty years old as we cross the border from Scotland into England. The clouds over the green and silky North Sea resemble grey candyfloss from the vantage of my first class seat, whose purchase has been justified entirely on the grounds of an approaching birthday. It matters not that I have paid to be here: I still feel that my eviction is imminent and I’m sure the ticket inspector can smell my lowly yearly income when he checks my ticket. Amazingly, a woman with a trolley then starts handing out free food and drinks. I say yes to the tea, the coffee, the orange juice, the croissant and the biscuit, so that by the time she leaves East Coast trains are basically paying me to travel. When a man two rows from me declines the refreshment trolley, I am momentarily tempted to grab him by the lapels and slap his face while exclaiming ‘are you mad? This is free. FREE. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?’ Instead, I read the label on my pastry that says ‘Somerset Cheddar and Vine Ripened Tomato Croissant’, then in smaller, explanatory letters, ‘Somerset Cheddar and Vine Ripened Tomato in a Croissant’.

In Berwick-upon-Tweed, outside English pebbledash houses covered in English ice, St George flags will the morning to work up a bluster. The casual and widespread flying of such flags is something new to me about England, and I wonder whether it reflects a resurgent patriotism and the reclaiming of this symbol from the far right, or the fact that Asda flog them for a fiver. There are plenty here, perhaps reflecting Berwick’s frontier land status.

From behind net curtains England awakes to bacon sandwiches and Soccer Saturday. The land flattens and fog cuddles Lindisfarne and then Alnmouth, the latter unfeasibly idyllic like a Constable drawing of a Daily Express ‘Win a Dream Cottage’ prize. I’ve twenty minutes to spare in Newcastle station so I cross a bridge to watch the hustle and bustle of Saturday morning England on the move. There are blokes in their sixties, rucksacked-up and ready to go. The eldest distributes train tickets among them, Dad playing Dad to the Dads. Pairs and trios of women eye up and put down stag-do arrivals, everyone on their way to what must now make up 20 per cent of the UK economy: the weekend away.

Then it happens. They start with ‘Jingle Bells’ and move neatly into ‘We Three Kings’. A brass band. The sound, to me, of England, my England. It is a Truman Show moment: someone somewhere is directing this, turning up the emotion level to eleven to tell me something – that I am home. Of course, this is a homely feeling shaped by my upbringing as a treacly Yorkshireman, and thus my version of England. It reminds me that we all have our Englands to bear. That includes Duncan Bannatyne, I think as I while away another ten minutes in WHSmith where the front of North-East Life magazine bears the legend ‘Bannatyne’s Love of Stockton-on-Tees’.

The 10.30 to Nunthorpe will pass through Bannatyne’s darling Stockton. It is a stinking beast of a train, a two-carriage smog-powered bus on wheels. Every time it splutters a little bit of George Monbiot dies. The heating is fixed high and constantly turned on, boiling us all in our winter coats. I expect to turn around and see nothing left of the man behind me save for a pair of glasses perched upon the oily remnants of his blue cagoule.

This is not the quickest way to Middlesbrough. It is the scenic route. In a pleasingly sardonic tone, the weary conductor reads from a list of destinations: Sunderland, Seaham, Hartlepool, Seaton Carew ... Outside, the theme colour is rust: rusty post-coal sea, rusty industrial shells, rusty allotments, rusty-red back-to-backs, rusty piles of old cars and bits of unrecognisable machine, rusty under-used track that Beeching forgot. Everywhere there is space – space between former mining villages, space between track and sea, space between streets of occupied houses and boarded-up houses. Industry, mainly coal, once filled the gaps in landscapes and lives.

This forgotten line takes in St James’ Park, the Gateshead Stadium, the Stadium of Light, Victoria Park and the Riverside. By more backyards with St George flags we approach Hartlepool, an impressive wreck with patches of lonely beauty. The heritage marina and museum sit pristine, awaiting visitors like a dolled-up student house awaiting party guests. Ghosts are everywhere on this railway line and in this area. Ghosts and spaces. There are even ghosts of optimism: shiny office blocks skirt Seaham, Thornaby, Stockton, Middlesbrough and elsewhere, most awaiting tenants.

Beyond the silver turrets of chemical Teesside stand rigidly, flanked by postcard hills. Aldous Huxley called this view ‘a magnificent kind of poem’. It is a giant sci-fi set that against today’s blue winter sky makes my heart leap with joy.

At Seaton Carew, the Teesside Riviera home of ‘Canoe Man’ John Darwin, five teens board, a gangly mix of hormones and excitement. ‘Warrizit ahmaskin for, an ’alf return?’ asks one of the girls in a rhythmic machine gun accent. We pass by the home of Billingham Synthonia, the only club in England named after an agricultural fertiliser, then Duncan Bannatyne’s idyll, Stockton, beyond whose scrapyards full of railway history I was born.

Our passenger wagon rolls on by acres of disused sidings and passes Newport Bridge, a giant’s Meccano construction. As we queue to leave the train, I gesture for an old man carrying an animal box to alight in front of me. ‘I should think so, son,’ he says, looking down in the direction of his pet and back at me, as if he were holding the world’s last baby panda.

The Saturday into which we emerge is the full stop on a week of sad sentences for this area. BBC Newsnight announced that Redcar and Cleveland, Middlesbrough then Hartlepool were the three English council areas most vulnerable to the effects of government cuts. A Middlesbrough family was more likely to fall into poverty than a family from anywhere else. The Daily Mail threw pissy sleet on the blizzard in its own special way, screeching: ‘That’s a bit steep! Parking spaces in London cost £96,000 (£13,000 more than average HOUSE in Middlesbrough)’.

Leaving Middlesbrough station – once an attractive, oval-roofed hub, but since the Luftwaffe and Network Rail visited, an Anytown halt – my eyes fix on the row of buildings ahead. Looking upwards I see some fine Germanic flourishes that recall the town’s tradition of cosmopolitan industry. Looking downwards I see a young woman in a corset puking up on the wall outside Spensley’s Emporium, now the only bar in town offering pre-match strippers. The Premier League good times are emphatically over.

Surveying the scene is a sturdy statue of Henry Bolckow, the father of modern Middlesbrough. As rain bounces off vomit, he gives the impression of wishing he’d stayed celibate. That, though, would have robbed the world of a vital community, one christened ‘an infant Hercules’ by Gladstone. For a century Middlesbrough was as important to the British Empire as any place. What happened to it speaks for all of post-industrial England.

The air in Middlesbrough often hangs silently where once it roared to a white-hot chorus of clanks and hisses. Most of her iron and steel plants are flattened, crushed by market forces and other things no one here had a say in or asked for. Thankfully, the blood, sweat and toil that caked the walls have lasted long into the night. Never did the grafters of Teesside strain in vain. Their bridgework still straddles Sydney Harbour, the Nile, the Bosporus, the Yangtze and Victoria Falls. In separate pieces of one-upmanship on local rivals up the road, they made the Tyne Bridge and the Angel of the North (‘Built by Teessiders for Geordies’, one peacemaking worker welded to the inside of the latter). Theirs too are the rails spanning the former countries of the Empire. Sometimes, they even let southerners have a piece of the action: Canary Wharf, the Thames Barrage and the new Wembley all bear the motif: ‘Made in Middlesbrough’.

The town’s evolution from farmhouses to foundries happened at a speed only possible during the industrial revolution. In his English Journey J. B. Priestley reflected negatively on the haste in which Middlesbrough was built, writing that it was:

... more like a vast dingy conjuring trick than a reasonable town ... [with] inhabitants whose chief passions, we were always told, were for beer and football. It is a dismal town, even with beer or football.

Prior to the mid-nineteenth century, ‘Middlesbrough’ had been one farm among many. It had no claims to fame, other than being next door to the village from which Captain Cook hailed. Between 1831 and 1891 the town’s population grew from 150 to 75,000.

In 1829, ‘six solid, broad-brimmed, broad-fronted, broad-bottomed’ Quakers bought ‘Middlesbrough’ for £30,000. The group – described in this way by Newcastle MP Joseph Cowen – saw that if the world’s first industrial railway line (the Stockton and Darlington) could be extended by a few miles to the east, the transportation of coal southwards via the North Sea became possible. With their railway completed, coal and money piled into Middlesbrough. By new docks north of the River Tees, a town was hastily planned and built for incoming workers. The land remained boggy to the extent that locals communicated between houses using speaking trumpets, to avoid stepping outdoors and sinking.

The coal market, however, was unsustainable and despite her youth Middlesbrough needed reinvention. Enter Henry Bolckow. A German, he moved to the area with fellow iron-founder John Vaughan. One afternoon in 1850, Vaughan tripped while walking in local hills. In doing so, he kicked up a tuft of earth and examined its strange colour. It turned out to be ironstone. Vaughan and Bolckow immediately bought the land and built a quarry. Luck had given birth to an iron industry quickly stoked by local slog. People flocked to the town to establish or staff foundries as the area became England’s answer to America’s gold rush settlements. Optimism abounded and was typified by the motto that Bolckow – first mayor, then MP – chose for Middlesbrough: Erimus (‘We Shall Be’).

By the 1870s, Middlesbrough was making a third of the UK’s iron, and the visiting Gladstone saluted: ‘This remarkable place, the youngest child of England’s enterprise. It is an infant, gentlemen, but it is an infant Hercules.’ This innocuous farm had grown into a living, belching behemoth, its tentacles spreading across the world. As Joseph Cowen (a Geordie, remember) wrote:

The iron it supplies furnishes railways to Europe; it runs by Neapolitan and Papal dungeons; it startles the bandit in his haunts in Cilicia; it streaks the prairies of America; it stretches over the plains of India; it surprises the Belochees; it pursues the peggunus of Gangotri. It has crept out of the Cleveland Hills, where it has slept since the Roman days, and now, like a strong and invincible serpent, coils itself around the world.

The industrialist organisers of Middlesbrough iron’s world tour attempted to care for their workers by building housing and social institutions. Demand outstripped supply, a price of growth that reinforced the town’s status as almost completely working-class. It was a man’s world too: Middlesbrough had one of the highest men to women ratios in the land, a fact which harked back to its class make-up – there were simply no middle-class families for women to work for as happened in more established industrial towns.

Diversity instead came from immigration. Middlesbrough was a melting pot; by 1871, over half those living here had come from elsewhere. Most were Irish: outside of Liverpool, this was (and still is) the most Hibernian place in England. These days, there is a recognisably Irish tint to the local accent (‘me mam’) and approach to the past tense (‘I could’ve went’). When Yorkshire wool-combers arrived in Middlesbrough in the 1850s, they sent a note back to Bradford warning against English reinforcements:

If you send men here in Large Numbers and the Masters begin to turn the Irish off it will very likely lead to a disturbance.

Though an infant, Middlesbrough was already a dirty old town. Yet in the same way that some of us from the area embrace the silver-chimneyed skyline of its chemical industry today, grime meant industry, ergo work. When the 1926 General Strike ended and the works fired up once more, local women took to the streets excitedly screaming, ‘Look! The smoke, the smoke!’

At the end of the nineteenth century, Middlesbrough was changing again. Steel production had begun its slow march to outmuscling iron. In huge plants, the shells of the above-mentioned bridges and buildings were created and then shipped along the Tees. It is physically impossible for anyone born in these environs not to cry when local boy Chris Rea’s paean to this lost world, ‘Steel River’, strikes up on the jukebox or radio. Rea’s song, written in the 1980s, is a nostalgic trawl through what has gone and a bitter longing for its impossible return. His lost Steel River Tees was a colossus whose banks wheezed with industry and whose waters carried local inventions to the world. She survived the bombs of the Luftwaffe, but now ran so tranquilly that salmon had moved back in.

Rea’s bustling Tees died when globalisation and Thatcher happened to Middlesbrough. For a while, a chemical sector spearheaded by ICI maintained jobs and upheld a sense of working worth. In recent decades, that has withered. A few plants remain, along with one steelwork, mothballed and then given the kiss of life early in 2011. There, men, and now women, will make things like they always have, this time rivets for the new World Trade Centre in New York. Regeneration schemes have come and gone with little to show, new names and new millions amounting to nothing permanent apart from poverty (the local unemployment rate usually tops the division or at least qualifies for the Champions League). The public sector jobs that papered cracks in the 1990s are now disappearing: Round Two for a Tory government in London; ‘here we go again’ for the locals. As always here, the football club’s fortunes have mirrored the town’s.

As I stand beneath Henry Bolckow’s statue, I wish they’d let Middlesbrough build things, let us show that round here, our brains are in our hands. I think of all the words I’ve read about the rise of this town and look around me at all the signs of its fall.

Erimus, we shall be. Erimas, we were.

I’m off round for Cloughie. He’ll cheer me up.

On a Saturday ...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Praise for Hatters, Railwaymen and Knitters
• Title page
• Dedication
• Contents
• Introduction
• Part One: In the Winter: Scabs, Blades, Hatters and Tractor Boys
• Part Two: In the Spring: Hornets, Os, Seals and Railwaymen
• Part Three: In the Summer: Knitters, Clarets and Bantams
• Part Four: In the Autumn: Blues and Peppermints
• The End Newquay
• Acknowledgements
• eCopyright