AUTHORâS THANKS
My Mother, Marie, My Late Father Denis and Brother Alan, My Sisters, Betty and Julie, My Brothers, John, Denis and Mattie, My Late Aunt, Teresa O Rourke, and all of my extended family. Big thanks and huge love to Fionnuala Murphy, Kez Kinevane, Claudia Carroll, Frank Mackey, Fiona Lalor, Marion OâDwyer, Catherine Condell, Ger Blanch, Denis Clohessy, Clodagh OâDonoghue, Amelia Crowley, Anthony Brophy, Anne Layde, Claire Cullinane (RIP and I will always love you Claire), Noreen Brennan, Clelia Murphy, Conor and Maria McDermottroe, Fiona Condon, Lt. Comm Liam Smith (RIP), Joan O Hara (RIP), Des Cave, John Olohan, Maire Hastings and Andy O Ghallichor (RIP), Helen Norton, Marion Mc Auliffe, Siobhan Miley (RIP), Georganne Aldrich Heller and Robert Leroy, Noelle Brown, Olwen Fouere, Rachael Rogers, Sinead Keenan and Stefan Buttner, Niall Toner, Caitriona Ni Mhurchu, Liza Moynihan, Dessie Gallagher, Malachy McKenna, Brian Roche, Fergal Murphy, David Swartz, and all of dearest friends for their constant care and support. I love you all so very much.
A Blank Black Box of a Beautiful Stage.
Black Flowing Fringing hangs near the back wall.
A Black Chair and Table downstage left.
The Announcements are from an innocent yet sumptuous Mother-Ireland.
The Guard is a rough Jackeen-Howya.
Aster sounds of Angelic Champs Elysee.
Bees, Flash, Thunder, Flames, Dunk, Catscream, Cows etc . . . are Ultra Close Events for the Ears.
Houselights fade to black as the Overture begins . . . Cellos and Violas and a melodic vocal Ahh Ahh Ahh x 12 followed by a close voiceover of â5 oâclock this morning. The blackbirds called the Sun. It shot up over Lamont. I got all the milkin done. For Iâm Travellin up, travellin up to Dublinâ. Then Enormous Thunder . . . then sounds of very heavy rain pour into the space and are interrupted by an alarm clock, silence, then a Dawning chorus of cows, birds, more cows, a dog, birds, whistle, cows, gate, cows, birds, the dog, cows, dog, cows loud, water, cows, water, dog, birds, razor shower, dog, cows, car, dog, beep, car distant, a bus, traffic, seagulls, beeps, pulse, beeps, blood pulse, water, traffic, blood pulsing in valves, lights, a silhouette, vague and voiceover . . . music beneath in the vicinity of an overture distant but beautiful . . . A man . . . Pontius . . . appears in lowest light . . . His Silhouette dances his journey through the street. We hear his recorded voice as we are inside his head . . .
PontiusThat must be the spike, the stiletto in the Ghetto . . . Itâs shit!! Thatâs why she didnât want to meet under it I suppose. Thatâs what she said on the second page of the letter. âWhat a wasted opportunity,â she said. If it had a stairs inside it itself ye could climb up an gander something stunnin from on high whoooooo, that was close Jesus the Luas and the GPO. God bless the women and men who fought.
Sudden heavy Rain and instinctive brolly up.
Fuckin downpour. Hope the cattle are under the hedge now. Iâll be home soon girls to milk ye again under the Rainbow I promise. Relax. Now lad, nearly there. Here we go . . . our version of Harrods. The store that has it all . . .
GuardWelcome to Cleryâs Sir.
Pontius Where the fuck did that come out of?
GuardPissin down in the middle of June!
Pontius (shaking brolly) Just up for the day.
GuardHang up yer coat ya mad spanner! Itâll dry while ya shop.
As he unties his trenchcoat and we suspend time . . .
PontiusHowâs it goin? Me nerves is in bits!!! Iâm gonna meet me Daughter. Sheâs 21 today. You are the first people to ever know that!
During the following female voiceover, he hands the coat and brolly to the Guard and dumbshows a chat as he fixes his clothing . . .
Announcement 1 (bing bong) Customers welcome to Cleryâs Department Store on this June 12 2015 and itâs good to be seen in our Millinery section today because we have mid-season madness for all you city and country ladies who are getting ready for a wedding or the horses or if you simply would like to wear something pretty up on your head!
Number Hats 1
I think Iâve seen all this before
It must be happening again
Iâm floating like Iâve lost an Oar
A million seconds feel like ten
Itâs very familiar and for the first time
Itâs over similar but thatâs the trick of the mind
Cos my head must be cheating this crazy repeating
I think Iâve seen all this before
The story is starting once more
The dawn and the bus and the day shaa vuuus
The moment I came through the door
The faces and smiles and the how are yous
My Mama used to sing
Oh how did it go?
Sheâd travel up to Dublin
In thunder and snow
Up from the Country
For ribbons and bows
For every occasion
Oh how did it go
You canât bate Cleryâs for a classy Chapeau
You canât bate Cleryâs for a classy Chapeau
Who the fuck uses a word like Chapeau?
Itâs not like she was French or German
She hadnât a note in her beautiful head
No Julie Andrews or Ethel Merman
But she loved Vaudeville and operettas too
A star she was born with satin and glitter and glue
Theyâd ask for one costume sheâd make them thirty-two
One for each county in Eire!
(Spoken, smiling) Where did that come out of!!? Iâve never told this to anybody in my life . . . nobody knows . . . all the details and the gore. But I am free now, so here goes. Firstly, I always fuckin hated Musicals!!
CAR CRASH . . . followed by underscore of growing grandeur . . .
Dada was the only Postman in Lamont and painted all the scenery for the local musical society. They called him Maurice Minor cos he was the head off that French actor Maurice Chevalier but just 5ft nothin and a snout like the Concorde!! And he hated being on stage . . . wud shit himself . . . but was in huge demand to do Ghost Singing from behind a screen with a microphone. Magnificent voice . . . like a Chocolate Symphony. They put the juvenile lead out front just mouthing away to South Pacific or Carousel and Dada givin it socks behind him. He gave Mama a different fresh flower for her hair every day and she gorgeous and gifted making costumes. She would transform a grubby bedspread into a gown from Versailles in the length of a hurling match using odds n ends and allsorts of feckulata. I recall her making 20 kimonos from paper potato bags all painted by hand for the Mikado. She even got Dada to stand in and fill out the chorus and he did because he fucking adored her and I knew he was so nervous cos the sweat was seeping through his Japanese back so he kept sneaking snips of poteen from his flask. Shur that flask was his Samurai sword for each passing day. Ould Pet. Ould fool! Maurice Minor . . . The singing Fool!
FLAMES . . .
Announcement 2 (bing bong with some distant music beneath) This Iconic shop is 160 years old and was once called âThe Palatial Martâ! We used to have a ballroom on the upper floor with a full Orchestra seven nights a week. That didnât last . . . but we have survived 2 full world wars and bankruptcies galore!! Cleryâs is still here, from fashions to furniture . . . for everything and anyone you want to buy for . . .
PontiusSome folk are impossible to buy for. Mama said itâs because they are usually the ones who are impossible to know . . . that they are the secret keepers and the wise of the world. She was mostly afloat herself like that . . . frequently staring up...