Part One
Summer
In 1981, I was married to my best friend in July, on a warm summer day. We honeymooned at a family friendsā beach cabin on the coast in Washington State, enjoying the warm sun and long evening light. Over the past the thirty years Iāve officiated at hundreds of weddings and most of them were in summer, many of them outdoors on the beach. Couples often choose to begin their married life in summer. We begin this fifty-two-week journey in summer. I love how Ann Voskamp writes about living with gratitude, including giving thanks for the beautiful gift of summer.
Marriage is a living expression of Godās presence here on earth. As Jesus reminds us, āThe kingdom of God has come near.ā That is Godās design and hope for you and your marriage, to reveal Godās presence through your life together. This year, as you journey together week by week, season by season, continue seeking the presence of God, the āheavy perfume of wild roses,ā and āall the good things that a good God gives.ā
Chapter 1
Love God
Luke 10:27; RB 4:1
From the start, Benedict invites us to become loversālovers of God. Benedict puts loving God at the top of his list of tools in the sacred art of life together. āFirst of all, love the Lord God with your whole heart, your whole soul, and all your strength.ā Love is the primary purpose of marriage and most significant tool in your life together. God designed marriage for love. God brings couples together to be lovers, lovers of one another and lovers of God. Quoting the Gospels, Benedict calls you to love God with your whole self, heart, soul, and strength. This is the first and most important commandment.
Married couples often replace this primary love of God with other types of love, such as romantic love, erotic love, or loyalty love. These other loves have their valued place in a healthy marriage, but not as the centerpiece. When sexual love is placed at the center, your marriage will suffer. Our physical attraction and sexuality do not have enough long-term endurance to act as the foundation for marriage. The same holds true for loyalty love. Loyalty love demands a spouse to be loyal to my family, my ethnicity, my heritage, my agenda, my plans, and my happiness. Place this form of love at the center of your married life and watch your marriage wither. Life calls for many loyalties, but supreme above them all is our life with God, both in receiving Godās love and offering our heart love to God. Only when God is at the center do all the other loyalties, attractions, and desires we call āloveā find their right place.
The foundational love in marriage is the love of God. Couples that grow in their love for God grow in their love for one another. The classic example of this is the sacred marriage love triangle, with God at the apex and a husband and wife forming the base. The closer you grow in your love for God, the closer you also grow together in your love for one another. Another way of thinking about this three-way relationship maybe the following, with God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit as the foundational base, upholding you as a couple at the apex. The more you rest your life and marriage upon God, the greater strength and love youāll find together. This first exercise offers you opportunity to converse about your love for God in your marriage relationship.
Week 1: Love Survey
Read each statement aloud. Write in the margin next to each statement a number on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 as ānot at allā and 5 as āstrongly agreeā in relation to the statement. After going through the love survey add up your total. Then read each statement aloud again and offer your thoughts about loving God and loving your spouse.
ā¢ I have an idea of what it means to love God.
ā¢ I know personally and passionately what loving God is all about.
ā¢ I love God with my whole heart.
ā¢ I love God with my whole soul.
ā¢ I love God with all my strength.
ā¢ I seek practical ways to encourage my spouse in his or her love for God.
ā¢ Loving God has helped us grow closer together in our marriage.
ā¢ My love for God is more important than sex, friendship, family, or career.
ā¢ I want to grow deeper in my love for God.
ā¢ I am confident God loves me and I am confident God loves my s...