There Once Was a Prophet from Judah

Biblical Limericks for Fun and Prophet

Jeff Carter

• Publisher: Resource Publications
• Year: 2018
• ISBN:
  9781532638206
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Religious Poetry
• Index: Literature

Limericks are, like the Bible, often funny and sometimes obscene. They shock us. They surprise us. They're not usually considered fitting for polite conversation. But perhaps the Bible has been tamed, has been polished of its rough edges. So let's take the Bible out of polite conversation and let it shock and surprise us again.

Genesis

Let There Be Light

You may think it exceedingly odd

that in the very beginning God,

starting out on day one,

made light before the sun.

Something about this story is flawed.

Genesis 1:3–19

The Serpent Was Blessed

Quiet your vexed vocalization.

The serpent was no aberration.

The good Lord called it forth

gave it value and worth,

a subtle part of God’s creation.

Genesis 1:24–25

Genesis Dilemma

After procreating with my wife,

there are still some commands for this life:

I have to figure out

what it means to rule trout,

owls, and cows. I can’t handle this strife!

Genesis 1:28

He Was Really Lonely in that Garden

Adam had to face reality:

while the animals had parity,

he was left all alone

with no one he could bone

unless he tried bestiality.

Genesis 2:18–20

Ohhhh get over it. Limericks are supposed to be rude.

Besides, that’s nothing compared to what Rabbi Eleazar said about Adam alone in the garden before the creation of Eve. Rabbi Eleazar, a Talmudic sage, interpreted the Genesis story this way: “This teaches us that Adam had intercourse with all the animals and all the beasts, but he was satisfied only when he had intercourse with Eve.”1

Flesh for My Bone

The first man, Adam, lived all alone

with no one he could count as his own.

The animals could mate

in their natural state,

but for the first man there was none.

So Yahweh became the first surgeon

to make for the man one of his own.

With a wound in his side

Adam said with great pride,

“This one at last is flesh for my bone.”

Genesis 2:18–23

Well that’s a Different Kind of Boner

Was it a rib from the man’s s...

Table of contents

• Title Page
• Foreword
• Genesis
• Exodus
• Leviticus
• Numbers
• Deuteronomy
• Joshua
• Judges
• Ruth
• First and Second Samuel
• First and Second Kings
• First and Second Chronicles
• Ezra
• Nehemiah
• Tobit
• Judith
• Esther
• First and Second Maccabees
• Job
• Psalms
• Proverbs
• Ecclesiastes
• The Song of Songs
• The Book of Wisdom
• Sirach
• Isaiah
• Jeremiah
• Lamentations
• Baruch
• Ezekiel
• Daniel
• Hosea
• Joel
• Amos
• Obadiah
• Jonah
• Micah
• Nahum
• Habakkuk
• Zephaniah
• Haggai
• Zechariah
• Malachi
• Matthew
• Mark
• Luke
• John
• Acts
• Romans
• First and Second Corinthians
• Galatians
• Ephesians
• Philippians
• Colossians
• First and Second Thessalonians
• First and Second Timothy
• Titus
• Philemon
• Hebrews
• James
• First and Second Peter
• First, Second and Third John
• Jude
• Revelation
• Not So Biblical Limericks
• Bibliography