My Dad's Gap Year

Tom Wright

• Publisher: Methuen Drama
• Year: 2019
• ISBN:
  9781350117570
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Media & Performing Arts
• Subtopic: Theatre Playwriting

Seriously William, you're eighteen and you're gay, for Christ's sake. You're meant to swim against the tide. A proper gap year is all about traveling. Seeing the world. Popping your cherry. This is our chance to start living. Me and you. This is the story of Dave; a dad in mid-life freefall who takes his repressed, gay, teenage son William on a wild adventure to Thailand. Gay love, straight love, trans love, buddy-love, drinking games and beer bellies. Fasten your seat belts, it's gonna be a mad one!

Scene One

The living room of a family home in middle England. Morning.

Dave is unconscious on the sofa surrounded by beer cans and fast food, game console in hand.

William, his son, enters dressed in a suit.

WilliamDad!

DaveIt wasn’t me!

Dave resumes playing Xbox.

WilliamYou’re gunna be late for your job interview.

DaveYou could’ve knocked.

WilliamCan you lose the attitude and get ready please?

DaveCan you get out of my room please?

WilliamThe living room is a communal area.

DaveWhere I am currently communing.

WilliamDid you drink last night?

DaveI’m up aren’t I? Up up up!

WilliamYou’ll feel a lot better after some breakfast.

DaveI’ll feel better after slaying more zombies. I’m two games away from a very very important mission.

WilliamBecoming a functioning human?

Williamcleans up the cans and rubbish.

DaveI’ve just single-handedly decapitated ten zombie Nazis, hijacked an enemy tank in the midst of the apocalypse and willingly sacrificed myself to change the doomed fate of humanity. I’m more than functioning. I am the big kahuna, kiddo!

William finds a hidden bottle of vodka.

WilliamDad.

DavePowerful and effective and surrounded by legends just like me.

William puts the bottle back.

WilliamYou need to get ready.

Dave notices William’s suit.

DaveWhat the fuck is that?

WilliamYour self respect? Oh no wait, we haven’t seen that in months.

DaveThat demon . . .

WilliamStop calling Mum a demon.

DaveShe’s made you get a job at that corporate marketing hellhole hasn’t she?

WilliamMarketing is an essential building block for any solid business./ It’s a privilege to learn more about it.

DaveShe’s brainwashed the heir to my kingdom.

WilliamYou know you could have got a job there if you wanted?

DaveYour mother’s only using you to spite me. And ruining your life in the process, I might add. This is meant to be your gap year!

WilliamExactly. I’m not going to sit around wasting time.

DaveWorking for the man in a mind-numbing job is a waste of time.

WilliamDo you even remember what work is?

DaveActually I do you sassy little shit. It’s when they bleed you dry for twenty-five years, before kicking you to the curb without a second thought, gold watch or leaving party.

WilliamYou crashed three company cars.

DaveJust things, William.

WilliamYou called your boss a cunt!

DaveBanter! When did you get so uptight?

WilliamEr, working my arse off with exams whilst dealing with this. If I’m going to achieve something with my life I need work experience.

DaveWank experience. You need the real deal, baby. You’re supposed to be gay for Christ sake, you’re meant to be swimming against the tide. Mincing around with dyed hair, denim hot pants and ill-advised tattoos, having fun being an abomination.

WilliamNews flash. Not every gay guy is a bubble-head bimbo.

DaveThen I demand a refund.

WilliamI’d love to entertain you by being a walking cliche but I’m just a –

DaveQueen?

WilliamNo.

DaveWeed head?

WilliamNo.

DaveBinge drinker?

WilliamAbsolutely not.

DaveSelf harmer? Shop lifter? Man whor...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• About Park Theatre
• For Park Theatre
• Author’s Thanks
• Dedication
• Contents
• Characters
• Scene One
• Scene Two
• eCopyright