Helping Adolescents and Adults to Build Self-Esteem

A Photocopiable Resource Book

Deborah Plummer

• Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
• Year: 2014
• ISBN:
  9780857007940
• Topic: Psychology
• Subtopic: Psychotherapy
• Index: Psychology

Packed with activities and helpful advice, this resource is designed for professionals working to help adolescents and adults break the destructive cycle of low self-esteem.

This fully updated new edition of Deborah M. Plummer's popular resource is filled with practical ideas for building healthy self-esteem. Easy-to-use photocopiable activity sheets encourage participants to use existing skills and develop new techniques to nurture confidence and feelings of self-worth. These are complemented by relaxation and breath control exercises, and expanded theoretical chapters that explains what healthy self-esteem is, why people may have low self-esteem and the consequences that can result from it.

Suitable for work with individuals and groups in a wide range of educational and therapeutic settings, this resource will prove indispensable to teachers, speech and language therapists, professionals working in adult education centres, counsellors at schools and universities, social workers and other individuals working with young people.

Part I

Theoretical and Practical Background

Chapter 1

Self-Esteem and Wellbeing

Self-esteem is a complex, multi-faceted aspect of life; a primary component in the building and maintenance of physical, emotional and spiritual wellbeing. The term ‘healthy self-esteem’ is often used in recognition of the fact that ‘high’ self-esteem may be (wrongly) seen as almost entirely based on feeling good about oneself. This could possibly be at the expense of other people’s feelings. Healthy self-esteem is much more than simply feeling good about oneself. It encompasses feelings of actual and perceived competency and self-efficacy1 and, most importantly, feelings of being lovable or ‘approved’ of. This includes self-approval and compassion towards oneself, as well as a sense of approval and warmth from others. Someone with healthy self-esteem is more likely to be self-motivated and self-reliant yet still understand the importance of mutuality and so be more likely to sustain respectful and fulfilling relationships with others. A person who has developed healthy self-esteem will be more able to make informed decisions. He will usually be more willing to try new ways of doing things, learning from mistakes and building confidence for future challenges. He will be able to recognize and develop his specific strengths and cope with changes successfully.

Self-esteem is undoubtedly a valuable psychological resource. Abraham Maslow, one of the founders of humanistic psychology, argued that not only is it necessary for wellbeing, but that the need for esteem is genetically a part of us. Indeed, scientists have long known that genetics do play a part in the development and utilization of our psychological resources.

Neuro nugget

Recent studies (e.g. Saphire-Bernstein et al. 2011) appear to have identified a particular gene that is involved in the utilization of three important psychological resources for coping with stress and depression: mastery (the belief that one has control over one’s own life), self-esteem and optimism. The gene in question is an oxytocin receptor. Oxytocin is a hormone known to aid the ‘bonding’ process after childbirth. It induces feelings of calmness and is also associated with empathy and positive social interactions. Levels of oxytocin vary enormously according to how much positive physical contact we experience.

However, while genes may predict behaviour, they do not determine it. Healthy self-esteem does not rely solely on genetics by any means – we also know that a nurturing environment is of primary importance. This, and the remarkable plasticity of the brain throughout life, coupled with our ability to think creatively and alter our perceptions, can lead to positive change, even when self-esteem resources have been debilitatingly low.

How, then, do we develop and maintain this vital aspect of our lives?

The link between self-esteem and self-concept

Self-esteem has its roots in the development of our self-concept: the overall view that we have of ourselves. R.B. Burns describes the self-concept as ‘a composite image of what we think we are, what we think we can achieve, what we think others think of us and what we would like to be’ (Burns 1979, page xx). Developmental psychologist Susan Harter prefers the term ‘self-representations’, which she defines as ‘attributes or characteristics of the self that are consciously acknowledged by the individual through language – that is, how one describes oneself’ (Harter 1999, page 3). In essence, then, our self-concept is the internal ‘word’ and ‘picture’ image that we have of ourselves at any given time.

We generally try to act in a way that fits in with our self-concept. When new information is received to add to our system of beliefs about ourselves we are likely to ‘filter out’ the bits that we think are not relevant to us. If the information fits in with our self-concept we will probably accept it as being true (even if it is not based on any factual evidence). If it is not consistent with how we see ourselves then we might ignore it, misinterpret it or reject it completely. In this way our beliefs affect the way we see the world and this, in turn, informs our behaviour.

Self-evaluation

An important aspect of healthy self-esteem is the way in which individuals evaluate their self-concept, usually in comparison with an ideal self. As Harter points out, it is important to also distinguish between

self-evaluations that represent global characteristics of the individual (e.g., ‘I am a worthwhile person’) and those that reflect the individual’s sense of adequacy across particular domains such as one’s cognitive competence (e.g., ‘I am smart’), social competence (e.g., ‘I am well liked by peers’), athletic competence (e.g., ‘I am good at sports’) and so forth. (Harter 1999, page 5)

The extent to which a person’s self-evaluations in different areas of life affects her global sense of self-worth and self-efficacy will depend on the level of importance she places on each area at any one time.

Self-evaluation is heavily influenced by the way in which we perceive other people’s reactions to what we do and say: we look to the significant people in our lives (parents, grandparents, teachers, etc.) to show us that we are loved and approved of, and this process begins with our earliest interactions as babies: ‘The infant needs to be able to discover his/her capacity to light up the mother’s face – for here is to be found the fundamental basis of…self-esteem’ (Casement 1990, page 93).

Neuro nugget

The quality of early infant-parent bonding and the formation of secure attachments have long been recognized as a major factor in the development of a healthy self-concept and feelings of self-worth and competency (e.g. Bowlby 1969; Ainsworth, Bell and Stayton 1971; Main and Solomon 1990). Such influences include the ability of carers to tune into their child’s feelings and provide the comfort and touch which allows the emotion-regulation system to develop and to function effectively. Where this natural process is inhibited there may be long-term consequences. Research neuroscientist Lise Eliot, for example, cites a study undertaken by researchers at the University of Washington who compared frontal-lobe EEG measures in the infants of depressed and non-depressed mothers. They found that by about one year of age, babies whose mothers were depressed showed a different pattern of neural responsiveness than control babies. During playful interactions, they experienced less activation of the left hemisphere (the ‘feel-good’ side) than control babies (Eliot 1999).

Studies have also shown that four-year-olds who have been brought up in highly stressful environments have a measurably smaller pre-frontal cortex compared to four-year-olds who have experienced a nurturing environment. These children show clear signs of lack of social competence, an inability to manage stress and the inability to see things from another child’s viewpoint (Gerhardt 2004).

The interplay between self-concept and self-evaluation affects not only the levels, but also the stability of self-esteem – the more that we invest our feelings of self-worth in ‘everyday outcomes’ (such as experiencing difficulty in a familiar situation which we consider should be ‘easy’ for most people) and the less well-developed our self-concepts, the more unstable our self-esteem is likely to be (Greenier, Kernis and Waschull 1995, page 67).

If a child’s early experiences have been primarily positive with regard to the building of self-esteem then eventually he will be able to internalize the feelings of self-worth and rely less and less on others for approval and confirmation that he is OK. A child who remains dependent on external sources for the maintenance of self-esteem, however, will find life’s difficulties harder to handle: ‘Such a child will develop into an adult who will continue to feel that he has to be successful, or good, or approved of by everyone, if he is to retain any sense of his own value’ (Storr 1989, page 96). So, chronic low self-esteem may be a product of genetic predisposition, personal resources, childhood experiences and belief patterns. Feelings of self-worth and competency can also be temporarily affected when we are feeling particularly vulnerable, such as after the loss of a loved one, a change in work circumstances, redundancy or long-term illness. This vulnerability is also often apparent at major life stages, for example, moving from being dependent on our parents to being independent; starting a family of our own; entering the renowned ‘mid-life’ period or reaching old age, when our roles may be changing yet again. For some people, such changes affect the way that they have always defined themselves (partner, parent, provider, decision-maker, expert) and with this loss or blurring of roles comes a loss of self-esteem. Whilst most of us would be affected to some degree by these changes, for those who have little or no internal resources such events can have an even greater impact.

Adolescence and self-esteem

Adolescence (the period between puberty and adulthood) is generally recognized as a particularly difficult time of uncertainty and feelings of vulnerability. As youngsters enter this turbulent time of life they are usually experiencing heightened self-awareness and are embroiled in the struggle to re-invent or rediscover the ‘real’ self:

He is not yet someone with a set appearance or with an identity which has been tested in the society around him…As the sens...

Table of contents

• Cover
• By the same Author
• Title Page
• Copyright
• Contents
• Acknowledgements
• Introduction
• Part I Theoretical and Practical Background
• Part II Activities with Guidelines
• Appendix A Relaxation Exercises
• Appendix B Breath Control Exercises
• Appendix C Exploring The Self-Esteem Approach To Wellbeing
• References
• Subject Index
• Author Index
• Activities Index
• Information Sheet Index
• Also available