Scene One Garden2
A dead dog lies in the middle of the stage. A large garden fork is sticking out of its side.
Christopher Boone, fifteen years old, stands on one side of it. His forty-two-year-old neighbour Mrs Shears stands on the other.
They stand for a while without saying anything. The rest of the company watch, waiting to see who is going to dare to speak first.
Mrs Shears Holy fuck. What have you done?
Christopher is frozen to the spot.
Mrs Shears Oh no. Oh fuck no.
Christopherās teacher Siobhan opens Christopherās book. She reads from it.
Siobhan It was seven minutes after midnight. The dog was lying on the grass in the middle of the lawn in front of Mrs Shearsās house.
Its eyes were closed. It looked as if it was running on its side, the way dogs run when they think they are chasing a cat in a dream. But the dog was not running or asleep. The dog was dead.
Mrs Shears Get away from my dog.
Siobhan There was a garden fork sticking out of the dog. The dog was called Wellington. It belonged to Mrs Shears who was our friend. She lived on the opposite side of the road, two houses to the left.
Mrs Shears Get away from my dog.
Christopher takes two steps away from the dog.
Siobhan My name is Christopher John Francis Boone. I live at 36 Randolph Street, Swindon, Wiltshire. I know all the countries of the world and capital cities. And every prime number up to 7507.
Mrs Shears Get away from my dog for Christās sake.
Christopher puts his hands over his ears. He closes his eyes. He rolls forward. He presses his forehead onto the grass. He starts groaning.
Siobhan After twelve and a half minutes a policeman arrived. He had a big orange leaf stuck to the bottom of his shoe which was poking out from one side. This is good, Christopher. Itās quite exciting. I like the details. They make it more realistic.
A Policeman enters. He has a big orange leaf stuck to the bottom of his shoe, which is poking out to one side. He squats next to Christopher.
Siobhan He squatted down next to me. He said to me:
Christopher stops groaning.
Policeman One Would you like to tell me whatās going on here, young man?
Christopher lifts his head from the ground.
There is some time.
Christopher looks at the Policeman.
There is some time.
Siobhan I do not tell lies. Mother used to say that this was because I was a good person. But it is not because I am a good person. It is because I canāt tell lies.
Christopher The dog is dead.
Policeman One Iād got that far.
Christopher I think someone killed the dog.
Policeman One How old are you?
Christopher Iām fifteen years and three months and two days.
Policeman One And what precisely are you doing in the garden?
Christopher Iām talking to you.
Policeman One OK, why were you in the garden in the first place?
Christopher I was holding the dog.
Policeman One Why were you holding the dog?
Christopher I like dogs.
Policeman One Did you kill the dog?
Christopher I did not kill the dog.
Policeman One You seem very upset about this.
Iām going to ask you once again.
Christopher starts groaning.
Policeman One Terrific.
Christopher carries on groaning.
Policeman One Young man Iām going to ask you to stop making that noise and to stand up please calmly and quietly.
Christopher carries on groaning.
Policeman One Marvellous. Great. Just flipping ā
The Policeman tries to lift him up by his arm.
Christopher screams. He hits the Policeman.
The Policeman stares at Christopher. For a while the two look at one another, neither entirely sure what to say or quite believing what has just happened.
Policeman One Iām arresting you for assaulting a police officer.
I strongly advise you to get into the back of the police car because if you try any of that monkey business again, you little shit, I am going to seriously lose my rag. Is that understood?
Scene Two School
Siobhan I find people confusing. This is for two main reasons. The first main reason is that people do a lot of talking without using any words. Siobhan says that if you raise one eyebrow it can mean lots of different things. It can mean, āI want to do sex with you.ā I never said that.
Christopher Yes you did.
Siobhan I didnāt use those words, Christopher.
Christopher You did on September 12th last year. At first break.
Siobhan And it can also mean āI think that what you just said was very stupid.ā
Scene Three Police Station
Duty Sergeant Could you empty your pockets onto the desk please, Christopher?
Christopher Is that in case I have anything in them that I could use to kill myself or escape or attack a policeman with.
The Duty Sergeant looks at him for a beat.
Duty Sergeant Thatās right.
Christopher Iāve got a Swiss Army knife but I only use that for doing āodd jobsā not for stabbing things or hurting people.
Duty Sergeant Jolly good.
Christopher empties his pockets.
Voice Three A piece of string.
Voice One A piece of a wooden puzzle.
Voice Six Three pellets of rat food for Toby, my pet rat.
Voice Three Ā£1.47 (made up of a Ā£1 coin, a 20p coin, two 10p coins, a 5p coin and a 2p coin).
Voice Six A red paperclip.
Voice Three A key for the front door.
Voice One A Swiss Army knife with thirteen attachments including a wire stripper and a saw and a toothpick and tweezers.
Dut...