Tom Jones

Ross Ericson

• Publisher: Methuen Drama
• Year: 2019
• ISBN:
  9781350133693
• Edition: 1
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: Drama
• Index: Literature

All the girls love a bastard. Tom Jones follows the adventures of a young man of illegitimate birth through a tale of love, deception and mistaken identity; a feast of human nature, served up in the plain and simple manner of the West Country with all the high French and Italian seasoning of sex and vice. Will he gain his darling Sophia's hand? Will he escape the hangman's noose? Will he ever learn to keep it in his trousers…? Henry Fielding's comic picaresque novel 'A History Of Tom Jones, a foundling' caused a stir upon first publication in 1749. Often referred to as the first novel in the English language, this cunning new stage version tells the escapades and exploits of the infamous protagonist through an accessible and highly entertaining adaptation.

Act Two

Scene One – The Inn At Upton

There are two internal doors as well as the front door, stage left, and the back door, stage right. On stage there are several chairs and tables and a serving trestle.

Mrs Fitzpatrick sits at a table stage left, reading. At a table stage right is Ensign Northerton and Mrs Waters. Northerton is drunk and amorous. Fielding enters.

FieldingThis is the famous inn at Upton . . .

NorthertonBring me more ale.

Fielding. . . halfway between Bridgewater and London.

The Landlady appears from behind the trestle and brings a jug to Northerton.

FieldingHere we are expecting the imminent arrival of Tom Jones who, despite his initial intentions, will be arriving here shortly. You see, after leaving Mr Allworthy’s house, he intended to head to Bristol, take on board a ship, and seek his fortune at sea. (Takes a seat.) Unfortunately, as is the humour of some country folk with strangers, he was given directions that have sent him entirely in the opposite direction. (Northerton whispers something in Mrs Waters’ ear. She slaps him and exits to her room behind one of the internal doors. Tom enters.) Ah, speak of the devil.

Tom (To Landlady.) Excuse me, madam, I am looking for a room for the night.

LandladyNo rooms left, it’ll have to be a blanket on the floor.

TomOh, I see . . .

LandladyWould you care for a drink and a bite to eat?

TomYes, yes, that would be grand, it has been a long and tiring day.

NorthertonPlease, sir, join me if you will.

TomWhy, that is most kind of you, sir.

Northerton fills a mug for Tom.

NorthertonWill you toast the king with me, sir?

TomI will, sir. The King.

NorthertonThe King (Tom takes a sip but Northerton drains. Tom does likewise and Northerton refills their mugs.) Name’s Northerton, the King’s Third foot.

TomTom Jones, at your service, sir.

NorthertonMay I ask you where you are bound for, Mr Jones?

TomWell, I was heading for Bristol but I find I was given erroneous directions so now find myself heading for London. And you, sir, where are you bound for?

NorthertonScotland, sir, to join my regiment. We are marching against the rebels and are expected to be commanded by the glorious Duke of Cumberland himself.

TomThe Duke of Cumberland. (A toast.)

NorthertonThe Duke of Cumberland.

Once more Northerton drains his mug but Tom doesn’t this time. Northerton notes this with a smirk when he goes to refill his mug.

TomWell, sir, it should be a magnificent adventure.

NorthertonOh, that indeed it will.

TomI am a man that suddenly finds himself at large in the world, in search of what life may have to offer him. I have a mind that I may like to take a commission in a regiment of the King’s Army.

NorthertonWell, it’s a fine life sir, if you have a mind to it. And it is an excellent choice for a gentleman adventurer.

TomIndeed.

NorthertonYou are a gentleman, are you not, sir?

TomI toast you sir and wish you well in your fight for liberty and the Protestant religion.

NorthertonThe Protestant religion? The Protestant religion? I fight not for no preaching parsons, sir. No, I’m in it strictly for the boozing, raping and mindless violence. In my opinion the parsons should fight their own battles.

TomI am sorry, sir, but I think no man can engage in a nobler cause than to fight for his beliefs.

NorthertonUh, is this something you learnt from your university? (Tom is silent.) Which university did you attend, if I may ask sir?

TomAnother toast. Mistress Sophia Weston.

NorthertonSophia who?

TomSophia Weston.

NorthertonWeston, Weston? Sophia Weston? There is only one Sophia Weston I’ve heard of and she has slept with half the young fellows in Bath – No, I shall not toast her, sir.

TomI am afraid you must be mistaken, sir, the Miss Weston I am talking of is a great lady of fashion and fortune.

NorthertonAye, aye, and so is the one I’m talking of. Damn me she is notorious throughout the taverns in Bridges Street. She is small and fair-haired, with a huge . . . estate in Somersetshire. And she has an aunt.

TomPray, sir, choose some other subject for your wit, for I promise I will bear no jesting with this lady’s character.

NorthertonJesting, damn me if Tom French of our regiment didn’t have both her and her aunt in a bath in Bath.

Mrs Waters comes out of her room and asks the Landlady something.

TomYou, sir, are one of the most impudent rascals upon earth.

NorthertonThat’s kind of you to say so. (Spying Mrs Waters.) Aha, there you are.

Northerton leaps up from his chair and grabs her.

Mrs WatersUnhand me, sir.

NorthertonOnce more unto the breach . . .

Mrs WatersSir, desist.

NorthertonCome on, love, it’s time for military manouvres.

Mrs WatersGeroff!

Tom grabs Northerton’s shoulder and turns him around, but as he does the ensign sends him reeling with a headbutt.

Mrs WatersThat is enough, sir.

Tom recovers and gets the ensign in a headlock.

TomYou are not a gentleman, sir, I think I s...

Table of contents

• Cover
• Title Page
• Contents
• Introduction
• Act One
• Act Two
• eCopyright