Big Foot

…And Tiny Little Heartstrings

Joseph Barnes Phillips

• Publisher: Aurora Metro Books
• ISBN:
  9781912430000
• Topic: Literature
• Subtopic: British Drama
• Index: Literature

With grime music and Guyanese folk stories, Joseph Barnes-Phillip's semi-autobiographical story is a comic, tragic and honest portrayal of becoming a man. The story follows Rayleigh as he negotiates the tensions of growing up and taking responsibility – to his pregnant girlfriend, to his sick mother, to his church, to the multi-cultural community he grew up in and somewhere in the mix to himself. When the euphoric highs of teenage life in south London collide with his mum's terminal illness, all Rayleigh wants to do it watch anime in his pants and eat indomie. Love, life and masculinity meet head-on as Rayleigh tries to find his feet, torn between the new girl in his life and being there for his mum, while trying not to make the same mistakes as his dad.

BIG FOOT

Big Foot was first performed on Wednesday 4th October 2017 at Stratford Circus Arts Centre, London.

SCENE 1

The audience are welcomed into Moon Gazer’s kitchen. This is Rayleigh’s mum’s house. Moon Gazer is feeding everyone, dancing and telling stories. She is the perfect hostess with the mostest.

MOON GAZER

Well you see dis? Dis is the sound on the Mighty Sparrow himself. He’s a Trinidadian recording artist. You see, I’m from Guyana and us Guyanese and Trinidadians are always fighting over tings you see. Who makes the best roti? Who makes the best curry? And who wines their waist the best?

As you know I’ve got a nice movement in my waist. Lovely!

You like your roti and curry? (Wait for audience to answer) Well I stayed up all night to cook it for you darlings.

(Ask audience member) What’s your name? (Audience response) Who? (Audience response) Sorry you’re gonna have to shout louder! Hello darling. Where are you from… Guyana? (Audience response) Oh! Never mind, [audience member’s name]. Never mind.

You are eating roti and aloo curry. The curry have potato and balange. You know balange? (Wait for response) Eggplant for you English people dem. Eggplant! It’s all vegan so every ting nice and crisp. What you’re drinking is some nice sorrel. Lovely sorrel! I made it myself. Who knows about sorrel? (Waits for audience response – if they respond pay them a compliment) Well, for those that don’t know sorrel, it grows right in the heart of Guyana. Deep in the Amazon rainforest. When it’s fully bloomed, we pop out the head of the flower and leave it to dry, out in the equator sun. When it’s finished drying out, we tek it, put it in some boiling water and let it simmer for a while. When it’s finished we tek’ da collider or um… strainer? What you call dat ting? (Get response) A sieve! And when it’s finished draining, you add some cinnamon sticks and clove for flavour. Add it nicely to make it spicy! Oh, and don’t forget the Guyanese Demerara sugar. Then you mix it all up into one. There you go sorrel is done. Unless you like me and wan’ add a splash of rum?

Sorry young man is that your wife next to you?

Well, you know that sorrel can also be used for medicinal purposes. Some would say it helps the snake catch the mongoose if you know what I mean. A real love potion.

The old timers used to tell stories about these two brothers, Stupidity Bill and Sensible Bill. Stupidity Bill came to Sensible Bill one day when they were feeding the animals in yard and said, ‘How do people find love? Is it in the cupboard or under the sink? If isn’t there it must be in loft. Tell me! Where is it? I want to find it!’

Sensible Bill laughed. ‘Wait, wait you really want to go in the cupboard to find love?’ he replied.

‘Why not? You’re always going in the cupboard for things. I think you’re hiding it in there, let me go look.’

‘Go right ahead,’ said Sensible Bill.

As he continued to laugh, Stupidity Bill got vex and threw down the shovel he had in his hand.

‘Why won’t you tell me?!’ He screamed. ‘When we helped Mr Hill clean out his pig pen you said the two pigs were in love… Yesterday you told me the chickens in the coop found love and they got eggs. I want to get eggs too! Then we won’t have to buy them any more,’ Stupidity Bill exclaimed. ‘Ssooo! Where is it?’

Sensible Bill plays deaf just to annoy him even more.

‘OK I’m going in the loft. I know you keep your best stuff up there away like those magazines you were hiding from Grandma Sally.’

Sensible Bill broke his silence in a panic. ‘Okay since you’re serious I’ll tell you. Sit down, there’s lots to tell you. Listen carefully… You know when you drink coffee, it taste nasty?

‘Yuck! Yeah but when I put sugar and milk in it’s really nice,’ said Stupidity Bill.

‘Exactly! Well just think you have a friend and you think the person is like your coffee with sugar and milk they make you feel warm inside, you’re intoxicated by them, they fill a spot no one else can fill. That’s love. It’s hidden in you and only someone special can bring it out in you and you’ll find it in them too. Do you understand?’

Stupidity Bill boils over with excitement, his smile stretches from ear to ear as he blushes and whispers. ‘Oh that’s why I feel that way when Mr Hill’s daughter looks at me! She makes me feel like freshly-ground coffee with two sugars.’

That’s love!

Throughout the above story, Moon Gazer’s health declines.

She takes a seat to steady herself during the story.

MOON GAZER

(Directed at audience member) Darlin’ sorry remind me your name again…

Could you do me a massive favour and grab my pills please? They’re inside the fruit bowl. (Waits for them to come on stage and find the pills) Those are the ones, thank you. Just give me two of those please and a glass of water. My phone is just over there on the side if you wouldn’t mind bringing it.

(Moon Gazer takes the phone and makes a call while taking her pills. She closes her eyes for a moment) Hi, Rayleigh darlin’…

I know you’re out tonight with your boys but I’m not feeling too great… It would be nice to have you around tonight.

See you later darling…

SCENE 2

A UK Dill beat comes on. Rayleigh is dressed head to toe in designer clothes. He’s out raving with his friends. He raps to the audience telling them everything that he’s getting up to on his night out.

RAYLEIGH

We were in a rave! Nate frassed off the haze.

Dom Perignon on fleek, I saw bottles and bottles and bottles for days.

Big black bottles make light skin girls wanna suck on the offal.

They think they prestige, but little do they know they will toppled.

As I’m gassed on my wave, I see a guy at the bar staring straight in my face.

I paid him no attention, my time is like platinum, it’s too precious to waste.

Big rambizzy by side, big knife tek out your spine, Schemers near thrive. Glance back over to the bar on a hype.

He’s gone. Back to the lash. Back to the song.

I think to myself grab tash, take her back home.

Get her in and out. Before mum blows her dome.

I know

I’m doing it.

Whisper sweet nothings in her ear like Cupid I’m slooing it.

We’re out of there.

Out of the club

Both us high on the atmosphere.

As we’re waiting for a cab I feel a tap on my shoulder.

I turn round stiff like a soldier. It’s that brudda from inside the club.

Oi blood! Don’t you remember me...

Table of contents

• Big Foot
• Copyright
• Title
• Acknowledgements
• Contents
• Biographies
• Big Foot
• Slang Glossary