IV
MARY WEISS OF THE SHANGRI-LAS EXPLAINS IT ALL TO YOU
DEAR CHESTNUTS, FRENCH BABIES, STATUES, AND BEES
Luxembourg Gardens, Paris
Ow! You hurt when you hit me: itâs the spikes, sure, but also
the height you fall from. Yet I love the way you always split
into the same four pieces, the hull in thirds and then the nut.
Whatâs with the spikes, though? I know: so a dog wonât eat you
and take you home in his belly or a baby pick you up and throw
you at another baby and miss so that you land in the street
and are crushed by a passing car. Most French babies
are lazy, though some are not: you hard workers get behind
your own strollers and push them, head down, one leg
stretched out behind you, elbows locked as you strain like Sisyphus;
over the years, your destiny will take on muscle and sinew,
and even now it readies itself to roll backwards, flattening
you into a longer, thinner version of your baby self looking down
at your own baby, but, hey, at least youâre trying! Whereas
these statues are shiftless or maybe just smartâstay up on
those pedestals, boys! Itâs not always so great down here.
As many of you are women as men, though: Margaret of Anjou,
Louise of Savoy, Anne Marie Louise of Orléans. Whoever
thought Louise would be such a popular name for queens?
Louise is a name for the lunchroom lady or your mom,
as is Blanche of Castile. Itâs a good thing you were born
queens, because you wouldnât have been able to vote
for yourselves till 1945. The babies I like most look like
cookies; youâre the ones with round heads and pug
noses, as though a baker stamped you out of cookie dough
and put you in an oven and pulled you out with a wooden
paddle when you were done. Youâre all drunk: you lurch
from side to side with your mouths open, and you cry when you
donât get your way. Some of you will be drunks when you
grow up, and sooner or later, youâll all scream. Scream,
you screamersâletâs hear it! Youâll really scream if a bee
stings your little asses: here in the southeast corner
of the garden is the bee city, and look, hereâs the shop
where I can buy honey from the bees, or rather from the people
who handle you beesâ money for youâimagine knowing
the tree that became this piece of paper or the dinosaur
that was the oil that lit Paris last night! Most of you live
in one of eighteen houses with hexagonal roofs and metal balls
on top, and thereâs a fountain in the middle for water
and bee chat. For the rest of you, there are plain wooden
boxes. You must be the bad bees. What did you do,
sting somebody? Maybe you stole from the other bees.
If so, shame on you! Quit acting like wasps. Though if you
sting a baby, thatâs just your job. When you babies are older,
youâll have more to scream about, but youâll be too
embarrassed to scream then, so you might as well do it now.
Some of you statues are imaginary, like Manon Lescaut,
lifesize before a column on which Massenet appears
only in reliefâwhew! Some are animal...